Search This Blog

Saturday, November 8, 2003

SO HOW DID 21ST CENTURY POP MUSIC COME TO BE ANYWAY?

If you are in your teens or 20s, chances are you enjoy listening to such musical acts like Limp Bizkit, Korn, Britney Spears, Dr. Dre, Eminem, Snoop Dogg, Evanescence among thousands of others. But where did these styles we hear today come from? I know that you don’t hear the resemblance in it at all, but it comes from 100 years of musical evolution and experimenters!

In the late 1800s and early 1900s, old western cowboys would play an acoustic guitar around a campfire, which could be classified as cowboy music. About the same time down in the southern part of the country, musicians playing different world music styles like celtic and different instruments, they came up with a style called bluegrass, which is still popular today among some southerners. This was the same time period that slavery was still going on in the country, and the black slaves would sing their “holler” songs. These holler songs is what evolved into blues music in the 1920s. In the 1920s, black musicians from the Mississippi Delta started picking up guitars and playing them with a different style, and added a Hawaiian style of playing to it by breaking their empty liquor bottles and using the shattered glass as a slide to do slide guitar with, but instead of playing it laying down in their lap like the Hawaiians did, they played slide with the guitar sitting upright. Bluegrass guitarists picked up on the style too, but chose to play slide in their lap like Hawaiians did. Sometime after the blues came onto the scene, New Orleans musicians got a hold of the style, and fused it with their own style that came from a classical feel, which became jazz music. When whites got a hold of jazz at this time, and made it somewhat fast, it became known as swing. In the 1930s and 1940s is when some musicians took this blues, bluegrass, and the cowboy music and fused them all together which became country music. In the 1940s and 1950s, some Mississippi Delta blues musicians moved north to Chicago and were introduced to electricity, and started plugging in there instruments, and came up with the electric blues sound. Some of them, because of the new electric sound, started playing their blues at a faster pace which was soon to become Rock & Roll (this includes Chuck Berry). In 1950s Texas, Buddy Holly and Bill Haley, among others, started playing country songs on electric, and faster which gave a new style and sound and they became the first known ROCK stars! It’s about this same time when an unknown recording studio in Memphis, Tennessee owned by Sam Phillips called “Sun Records” were producing songs for acts like Jerry Lee Lewis, Elvis Presley, Carl Perkins and Johnny Cash. When Elvis Presley came onto the scene, no one before him tried fusing electric blues and electric country together. When we into the army in 19659 or 1960 and when the Big Bopper, Ritchie Valens and Buddy Holly died in a horrible plane wreck in February 1959, everyone thought that rock and roll died.

In Southern California in the early 1960s, surfing was a big thing among kids, and musicians would start putting out a different kind of rock called “surf” music. It was really mellow, but it was full of melodies, and Harmonies. At about this same time, some acoustic musicians were getting into a style called “Folk” music, and it was starting to become a phenomenon. At the same time, groups in England were experimenting with American music, but making it louder and heavier. When the Beatles came onto the American scene in February 1964, American musicians started realizing they needed to make a change musically. So in California musicians started fusing surf rock with folk and came up with the “folk-Rock” sound of Mamas & Papas and Bob Dylan, and even the hippy groups from San Francisco, California. About the same time in Detroit, Michigan Berry Gordy founded Motown Records and started signing black acts to perform on his label. Even though there was R&B in the 50s, that was a mixture of blues and rock, The 1960s R&B sound was different. It was like a fusion of Jazz and Blues. In the late 1960s, some Motown musicians (known as the Funk Brothers) among other R&B musicians, started using more bass lines than anything else, which became funk.

In the 1970s, we had a second british invasion with groups like Led Zeppelin which were harder and heavier than previous styles, which became known as Heavy Metal. At about the same time, R&B musicians, who became funk musicians for a time, created disco, which lasted until 1980. In the late 70s, there was a new kind of music come onto the scene in New York City called Rap. The idea came for it came from DJs for funk stations in Philadelphia would rap community info over the records. The first popular rap song was a disco song called “Good Times”. The group who put it out, The Sugarhill Gang, changed the words and gave it a faster beat and than called it “Rapper’s Delight”, which is probably where the name for the music, “RAP”, came from. In 1985, Aerosmith and Run-DMC got together and put out the first ever rap/rock song. A song called “Walk This Way.” In the late 1980s, street gangsters from southern California got a hold of the music and came up with Gangster Rap.

In the early 1990s, bands from Seattle, Washington came onto the scene with a style that wasn’t like anything else. At the time they called it grunge, but it was early alternative rock. At about this time, a group known as The Red Hot Chili Peppers came onto the scene with a funky rock sound. Probably was the first band to do Rock with a Rap feel. In the mid 1990s, metal started becoming more popular than ever, and some metal acts started combining their style with rap, and came up with Rap/Metal.

As for the Britney Spears, NSync, Mandy Moore and Christina Aguilera sound? It’s R&B, but modern R&B. Which comes from rap beats, but just more mellow, and I told you where rap came from.

There you have it, folks. Now you know where 21st century popular music came from, you should appreciate the older stuff still, because if it weren’t for that older stuff you wouldn’t have what you hear today!

Wednesday, July 16, 2003

LOCAL BAND BRINGS CLASSIC ROCK AND BLUES SOUND TO THE OZARKS

The Kingtut Blues Band has been around for over two years, and they play all kinds of gigs all over the state of Arkansas. The band was formed by 50 year old Tut Campbell who first moved to Arkansas back in 1997. Tut grew up in Atlanta, Georgia where he played blues and classic rock music with bands there. His main love is blues, but his heritage is classic rock.

The band now consists of Tut Campbell from Harrison, Arkansas on Guitars; Pat "Jawbone" Kenyon from Little Rock, Arkansas on Harp; Todd Richard from Bentonville, Arkansas on bass; Jesse Humphrey also from Little Rock, Arkansas on keyboards; and Ricky Bowen from Springdale, Arkansas on Drums. In the past, Alan Clark, Michael Shwade, Mark McGee and Rob Henderson had played with the Kingtut Blues Band also.

Lately, I have been going to there gigs a lot, and they do put on a really good show! I think if I had to choose what songs I like to hear the most, it'd either be Tut's rendition of Cream's "Sunshine of Your Love" or Todd's renditon of Bob Dylan's "Knockin' On Heaven's Door."

The band has 2 CDs available of Tut's favorite blues songs. "Blues Power" and "Mo' Blues". THere is another CD available for sale of some of Tut's originals, called "Resurrection Express." They also have shirts available.

If you are interested in buying any of these CDs or T-Shirts, or want to know where there gigs are at so you can see them play, just go to www.kingtutbluesband.com.

Saturday, February 15, 2003

INSECURE

 


ALWAYS FEEL DISRESPECTED
NOTHING EVER TO REPRESENT
SOCIETY MAKES ME FEEL NEGLECTED
I STILL HAVEN’T FELT ACCEPTED
THAT’S WHY I’M IN A STATE OF DEPRESSION!
LOOK IN THE MIRROR, I HATE MY REFLECTION!
VERY INSECURE AND THAT’S A CONFESSION
100 PERCENT, THAT’S ALL I’LL ADMIT
SOMETIMES I FEEL I’M GONNA THROW A FIT
I HATE MYSELF, ALL OF IT!
SO DAMN INSECURE WITH MYSELF AND I’M HATIN’ IT!
HATE MY LOOKS, MY IMAGE
I DON’T EVEN HAVE ENOUGH CONFIDENCE

I FEEL USED, ABUSED, REFUSED,
NEVER REALLY LOVED AND SO CONFUSED.
TELL ME – WHAT SHOULD I DO?
SO DAMN INSECURE
THAT I HAVTA LIVE MY LIFE IN SO MUCH FEAR
SO INSECURE I FEEL I NEED TO DRINK MORE BEER
NOT MUCH CONFIDENCE,
SO I FEEL MY LIFE IS FULL OF HOLES AND DENTS
SO MANY THINGS I WOULD LIKE TO CHANGE
BUT WHERE DO I START?
MY LIFE IS PULLED SO APART!

LOOKING FOR FUN
LOOKING FOR LOVE
LOOKING TO BE LIKED AND NOT DISLIKED
LOOKING TO BE ACCEPTED AND NOT REJECTED
LOOKING TO HAVE BETTER FEELINGS
TOWARDS PEOPLE INSTEAD OF ALL THE BAD VIBES I FEEL
LOOKING TO BE WITH LOTS OF PEOPLE
HANG AND CHILL
TIRED OF BEING BY MYSELF
IT’S MAKING ME ILL
HOW SHOULD I FEEL?
I’M SO INSECURE
WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Monday, February 10, 2003

THE LONER

 

Why am I never accepted?
Why am I always shy?
Why was I treated poorly by all my peers growing up?
Why couldn’t they have treated me better?
Why did my past affect my present (or even worse my future)?
Why can’t I just go on with my life?
Why at one point I can feel happy, but most of the time I don’t?
Why can’t I break away from my fear of rejection?
Why do I always feel ignored?
Why do people have there get togethers and parties and never invite me?
Why is my social life the internet?
Why am I such a loner?
Why am I never loved by anyone?
Why have I never been in a real relationship when I want one so bad?
Why is it that when I find her, I’m finally happy and than she breaks my heart?
Why do I still love her?
Why do I feel like I’m a threat to society?
I never wanted to be popular, I just wanted to be accepted.
I do see popular people and I wish I had what they have (a life)!
They have friends, parties, relationships!!!
I don’t really have all that (actually I feel I don’t have none that)
I’m always so bored, lonely, depressed!
Why do I wish that some people my age I knew could read some of my stuff and see the real me?
I feel they’d actually like me if they just found out about the real me and not just ignore me!

Sunday, January 19, 2003

I Love You So Much

BABY, NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD EVER FIND YOU
AND NOW THAT I FOUND YOU, DON’T EVER WANNA LET U GO
HAVIN’ 2 WAIT 6 DAYS IS TORTURE TO MY SOUL!

LOVE U SO MUCH,
MISS U SO MUCH,
BABY, U KNOW IT’S TRU
I WANT US 2 REMAIN 2 AND NEVER BE THRU!

BUT WHY DO I STILL FEEL ALL ALONE?
I THINK I KNOW WHY
BECAUSE WE ONLY SEE EACH OTHER ONCE A WEEK.
I FEEL IT’S TORTURE TO HAVETA WAIT SO LONG.
I LOVE YOU!

DON’T LET ANYONE DOUBT THE NET!
TRUST ME, IT’S HOW WE MET!
IF IT WEREN’T FOR THE NET,
I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE NEVER FOUND SUMONE
QUITE AS NICE AND LOVELY AS YOU.

MARY I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!

Monday, December 16, 2002

Singing Through My Nose (parody of “Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door”)

When I used to work at Wal-Mart I was talking to a friend of mine and I was telling him how back in Jr. High and High School I used to write a lot of parodies.  We got to talking about Bob Dylan and his nasally singing voice (no offense to Dylan or his fans - I’m a big fan of Bob Dylan’s also) so I thought I’d write this parody poking fun at Bob Dylan’s voice.

SINGING THROUGH MY NOSE

VERSE:
Ma, take this mic away from me
I can’t sing this anymore
It’s getting hard, too hard to sing
I think I’m singing through my nose!


CHORUS:
Sing, sing, singing through my nose
Sing, sing, singing through my nose
Sing, sing, singing through my nose


VERSE:
Ma, put my guitar in the ground
I can’t keep the beat anymore
That big black anvil is coming down
I think I’m singing through my nose!


CHORUS

Wednesday, November 20, 2002

Livin’ Here In Harrison (parody of “Sweet Home Alabama” by Lynyrd Skynyrd)

 


(VERSE 1:)
Boredom is seekin' in
Sunday all spent to see my kin
Hearin' songs about depression
I miss Phoenix once again
And I think it's a sin, yes!

Well I heard why some people move here
Well, I heard to get away from the city
Well, I hope they all will remember
A city man don't need to be here anyhow

(CHORUS:)
Livin' here in Harrison
Where the stores close at five
Livin' here in Harrison
Where there's nothing at all to do!

(VERSE 2:)
At Wal-Mart we all go hang out
There ain't nothing else here to do, boo hoo hoo
Leavin' here does not bother me,
Does me leavin' bother you?
Tell the truth!

(CHORUS:)
Livin' here in Harrison
Where hillbillies live
Livin' here in Harrison
Where there's cars up on blocks!

(RAP:)
Yo, Yo, Yo
I'm livin' here in harrison -
not a place to have any fun.
So many people around here own guns and they go hunt.

This town so boring,
That I spend every morning sittin' at home
And never answering the phone.


This town causes so much depression,
it makes a person go in regrettion.
And you see a lot of 100 year old traditions!
And a lot of redneck and hillbilly additions!
And a lot of confederatism
and a little bit of unneccessary racism!

This town don't go with the times,
Why do you think ever place closes at 5?
And makes Wal-Mart the only place open?
And I see a bunch of cowboys ropin'?
Nothing to do, so I'm just lophin' around!
not ever bein' proud to live here,
I gotta get out!
So sick and tired of livin' here in boredom land!

(CHORUS 2X)

Saturday, November 9, 2002

Lost

UNHAPPY.  WITHOUT A SOUL.
LIFE IS IN MISERY.
WHAT AM I TO DO.  I DON’T KNOW.

I WAS PUT HERE TO BE EVERYONE’S PUNCHING BAG.
I WAS PUT HERE SO PEOPLE CAN HAVE SOMEONE TO
   HATE ON.

THE ONLY LOVE I HAVE IS MY MUSIC. 
AIN’T GOT NO WIFE, NO GIRL.  JUST MUSIC.
THE ONLY THING I REALLY CARE FOR.

NO FATHER FIGURE –
DAD WANTS ME TO BE HAPPY, BUT HE WANTS ME TO STAY
   HERE,
SO HE WON’T HELP ME GO WHERE I WANNA GO!
HE WON’T EVEN ENCOURAGE ME TO BE WHAT I WANNA BE!
AND WHEN I TELL HIM ISSUES, HE BLAMES IT ON ME!
IT’S NOT MY FAULT I GOT THESE PROBLEMS.
THE FAULT IS WHAT HAPPENED AROUND ME IN MY LIFE.
TESTS TO STUDY FOR, HE NEVER WANTED TO HELP.
ACTING LIKE I COULD DO IT MYSELF.

AIN’T GOT NO FRIENDS.
PEOPLE SEE ME, HEAR I’M MISERABLE AND NONE EVER
    INVITE ME TO DO STUFF!
I SEE THAT SOME PEOPLE JUST LIKE TO GIVE ME A DIRTY
   LOOK LIKE I’M DOING SOMETHING WRONG.
GIVE ME A LOOK OF DISGUST AS IF I’M NOT LIKED BY THEM.
THEY STRIKE CONVOS WITH OTHERS YET SEE ME AND THEY
   LEAVE.
WHY IS ALL THIS SHIT HAPPENING TO ME?

TRY TO RESPECT AND LIKE AUTHORITY. 
BUT IT’S SO VERY HARD.
95% OF THEM TREATED ME LIKE I’M A CRIMINAL.
SEE ME DOIN’ MY THANG AND JUST HARASS ME!
BE DOIN’ MY JOB, AND ONE WOULD TREAT ME LIKE I AIN’T.
TELLIN’ ME I SPEND ALL NIGHT TALKIN’ AND NOT WORKIN’!
TELLIN’ ME I AIN’T DOIN’ MY JOB AS GOOD AS I CAN WHEN I
   AM!
EXPECTIN’ ME TO BE LIKE SUPERMAN AND HAVIN’ IT 200%
   CLEAN, WHEN I CAN’T!
TELLIN’ ME HOW TO DO THINGS, WHEN I ALREADY KNOW
   HOW TO DO IT!
BLAMIN’ ME FOR THINGS I AIN’T NEVER HAD DONE
SEARCHIN’ MY BAG FOR WEAPONS WHEN ALL I EVER
   OWNED IS A BUTTER KNIFE.
IF NUN’YA AIN’T GONNA BE NICE, WHY CAN’T YOU JUST
   LEAVE ME ALONE?

TRIED TO CHANGE MY LIFESTYLE AND ATTITUDE FOR YOU
   PEOPLE.
AND YOU STUPID FUCKERS NEVER NOTICE!
WHAT’S A PERSON GOTTA DO TO BE LIKED IN THIS WORLD?
WHAT’S A PERSON GOTTA DO TO FIT INTO THIS WORLD?

WHY DON’T YOU ALL JUST OPEN YOUR EYES AND SEE WHY I
    AM WHO I AM,
QUIT IGNORIN’ ME AND LET ME IN
BECAUSE I’M SICK OF BEIN’ LEFT OUT OF THIS WORLD!
SICK OF BEIN’ ALL ALONE IN THIS WORLD!

BUT BECAUSE OF THE WAY YOU ALL TREAT ME,
I AIN’T GETTIN’ WHAT I NEED
SO MUSIC IS ALL I HAVE.
MUSIC NOW GIVES ME WHAT I NEED
MUSIC MAKES ME FEEL FREE!

Friday, November 8, 2002

You’re In Trouble

Oh-oh-oh-oh!

(Chorus:)You're in trouble,
you don't know what to do!
You're in trouble,
he's comin' after you!
You're in trouble,
oh!
You're in trouble!

You're just walkin' down the street doin' nothin'
he comes up to you and says,
"help me!" But you say, "Not me!"
Then he pulls you
and you're kidnapped!
Oh!

(Chorus)

And then he pulls a gun on you and says,
"Do as I say and you won't get hurt!"
You feel like callin' your mother
but they won't let you,
oh you!

You feel like callin' the cops
but they won't let you,
oh you!
Because

(Chorus)

So just remember your code
or you'll go in the wrong place
then say goodbye to your life
because then you would die
because you are in trouble!
(Chorus 3x)

You're in trouble, oh trouble!
Yes in trouble, be in trouble!
Nothing but trouble, in trouble!
Oh trouble!
You're in trouble!

Wednesday, November 6, 2002

CRAP AT WALMART

 

CRAZY INSANE?
OR INSANE CRAZY?
YOU SAY I’M LAZY
BUT YOU JUST CRAZY
YOU THE ONE LAZY!
BETTER YET, YOU JUST INSANE!

THE ONLY WAY I STAY SANE IS MY MUSIC.
THE ONLY THING A FEW GET.
THIS RAP MAY BE CRAP, BUT I SPEAK THE TRUTH.
WHILE ALL YOU FOOLS HATIN’ ON ME, HOLLERIN’, “TRUCE,
     TRUCE!”
BUT I AIN’T BOUND TO SIGN NO FUCKIN’ TREATY, WHY?
BECAUSE ALL YOU MOTHER FUCKERS ARE ALL JUST
      GREEDY!
WISH LIFE HERE WAS LIKE A HOLOGRAM, AND JUST IN 3D!
I FEEL LIKE I’M IN JAIL 24-7
WON’T SOMEBODY PLEASE RELEASE ME?
PLEASE FREE ME!

WALMART, DON’T YOU START
YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT WHAT CARTS I LEAVE.
PLEASE!
YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT WHAT TRASH I LEAVE.
BETTER WATCH OUT, YOU AIN’T GOT A CLUE WHAT’S
     HIDDEN UP MY SLEEVE!

I KNOW BETTER.
I LEAST KNOW YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT EVERYTHING,
   ANYTHING.
FOOLS BETTER BE LUCKY I DON’T SING.
AND WHEN I SCREAM, I’LL MAKE YOU DEAF
AND THAN MAKE YOU CONFESS THAT THE LOT ISN’T
    THAT BAD.
I THINK IT’S SAD.
YOUR BRAIN THINKS THE WAY IT DO!
YOU MAKE ME SO MAD.
THINK I’MA STICK YOUR HEAD TO THE WALL WITH SUPER-
      GLU!

YOU SAY I’M LAZY
BUT YOU JUST INSANE
YOU MIGHT THINK I’M CRAZY
BUT I’M JUST INSANE TRYIN’ TO STAY SANE

I BE STANDIN’ BY THE DAMN DOOR
AND I BE GETTIN’ SO DAMN BORED
WHAT AM I HERE FOR?
I’M JUST STAYIN’ POOR!

AIN’T NO WAY NOBODY SHOULD BE REPPIN’ THE W.M.T!
I HAVTA GO PEE,
THINK I’LL GO ON THE STORE’S FLOOR!

YOU MAY SAY I’M CRAZY
YOU MAY SAY I’M INSANE
NO, I’M INSANE CRAZY, CRAZY INSANE
JUST TRYIN’ TO STAY SANE
BUT IT AIN’T HAPPENIN’
AND I JUST SLAPPED MR. PHIPPS AGAINS!
OH, HERE COMES LARRY, NEED TO SHUT MY TRAP AGAIN!
THANK GOD THESE TWO AIN’T MY KIN!

YOU MAY PLAY THIS RECORD ON YOUR STEREO
YOU MAY RECOGNIZE THE STYLE
YES IT’S A SONG INFLUENCED BY EMINEM,
NO I DON’T MEAN THE CANDY,
I MEAN THE RAPPER, G!
SOMEDAY I HOPE TO GET AWAY FROM THE W.M.T
     AND BE BIGGER THAN HE!

(WALMART’S GONNA SUE ME!)

Sunday, November 3, 2002

LOVESTRUCK (BUT HAS NO ONE TO LOVE)

 

I DON’T KNOW YOU.
I NEVER HAVE.
I NEVER MET YOU BEFORE.
I WISH I HAD.
SINCE I HAVEN’T FOUND YOU YET,
I’M SAD.
ONE OF THE MAIN REASON I’VE BEEN FEELIN’ MAD!

I’M ALWAYS SEEIN’ COUPLES,
IT MAKES ME UPSET.
NOT HAVING NO GIRLS EVER MAKES ME FORM TEARS!

WHERE IS SHE?
THE ONE FOR ME.
WHERE IS SHE?
SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME!

I DON’T KNOW ANY GIRL WHO LIKES ME.
WHY NOT?
WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?
HOW CAN I LIKE MYSELF WHEN NO ONE ELSE DOES?
IT’S WHY I’M CONSTANTLY CHANGING MY STYLE,
CONSTANTLY CHANGING MY WAYS,
THINKING TO MYSELF, “IT’LL BE HOW THE GIRLS WOULD PAY MORE ATTENTION TO ME.”
BUT I AIN’T GETTIN’ NO ATTENTION AT ALL!
GETTIN’ NO ATTENTION FROM NO ONE!

ALL I GET IS LOOKS OF HATE.
LOOKS OF DISGUST.
ALL I GET IS GIRLS BEING RUDE.
BEING SNOBBISH, NEVER NICE.

I NEVER SEE A GIRL WHO LIKES ME.
NONE NEVER SHOW IT.
IF A GIRL LIKED ME, WOULDN’T THEY LET ME KNOW IT?

MAYBE SOMEDAY I’LL FIND YOU.
I HOPE SOMEDAY SOON.
WHEN WILL I FIND YOU?
I JUST WISH THAT I KNEW!

LOST, LONELY, CONFUSED (DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO)

 


THEY SAY THERE’S SOMEONE OUT THERE FOR EVERYBODY
WHERE IS SHE?

WHY DO I FEEL SO ALONE
IN THIS MIXED UP WORLD?

IN MY MIND, FEEL I CHEATED LOVE TWICE OR 3 TIMES
DID I REALLY?

WERE THEY JUST FRIENDS?
OR DID THEY REALLY WANT TO TAKE IT FURTHER?

NEVER KNEW MANY GIRLS,
AND THE ONES I KNEW I ALWAYS HAD A CRUSH ON
(DON’T ASK ME WHY)

I GUESS ‘CAUSE I DON’T AND NEVER HAD ANYONE,
AND I WANT SOMEONE!
IT’S ALL I EVER THINK ABOUT THESE DAYS!

I PRAY MAYBE SOMEDAY THAT I MAY FIND HER.
I DON’T KNOW WHERE.
I DON’T KNOW WHEN.
SHOULD I GO BACK TO THE GIRLS IN MY PAST,
OR FIND THOSE IN MY FUTURE?

JUST DON’T KNOW HOW SHOULD I BE FEELING.
NEVER HAPPY, ALWAYS GLOOMY.

MIND IS SO MESSED UP
SO IS MY LIFE

WHAT TO DO.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?
MY GOD, I’M SO CONFUSED!

SO LOST, LONELY, AND CONFUSED
I JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!

LONER’S WORLD

 

EVERY DAY, ALL ALONE
EVERY DAY, NO ONE AROUND
EVERY DAY, BY MYSELF

THE ONLY PERSON I HANG OUT WITH IS MY OWN SHADOW!

NOBODY TO LOVE,
NO ONE TO CARE FOR.
JUST SPENDING MY LIFE CARING FOR MYSELF.

ALL THOSE DAMN CLIQUES FORCE ME TO SIT BY MYSELF
ALL THESE DAMN CLIQUES FORCE ME TO BE ALONE

NOT MANY TO HAVE A DECENT CONVO WITH,
SO I JUST CONVO WITH MYSLEF.

SPENDING MY LIFE JUST CONVERSATIN’ WITH THOSE A GEN
      OR TWO OLDER!

LIKE TO PARTY,
END UP PARTYING BY MYSELF.
LOVE MOVIES,
DON’T EVER GO TO THE THEATER BECAUSE I DON’T WANT
      TO BY MYSELF.
LOVE MUSIC,
END UP ENJOYING IT BY MYSELF!

I HEAR ABOUT PARTIES ALL THE TIME,
AND THEY JUST PASS ME BY WITHOUT INVITIN’ ME!
HEY, IT’S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS!

LEARNING HOW TO DRIVE AIN’T GONNA HELP
I REFUSE TO GO PLACES WITHOUT THE COMPANY
SO I’LL STILL END UP STAYING HOME!


DYING TO MEET PEOPLE MY OWN AGE,
BUT NONE WANT A THING TO DO WITH ME,
AND NONE HARDLY KNOW ME AT ALL!

EVERY DAY, NO ONE AROUND EXCEPT FOR ME AND MY
      SHADOW!

DEPRESSED, MISERABLE, ANGRY AS HELL.
HOW ELSE SHOULD I FEEL WHEN I AIN’T GETTING’ WHAT
    I DISERVE, WHAT I NEED?

I WAS FORCED INTO THIS DAMNED LONER’S WORLD,
AND IT AIN’T HEALTHY FOR ME.
UNHAPPY, MISERABLE, DEPRESSED!

I WANT OUT OF THIS LONER’S WORLD!

SOMEONE GET ME OUT!

Wednesday, September 25, 2002

TIRED PART 2

 

TIRED OF NOT BEING FINANCIALLY STABLE

TIRED OF WORKING FROM PAYCHECK TO PAYCHECK NEVER MAKING ENOUGH TO SAVE

TIRED OF BEING SO POOR I’M STUCK HERE WHERE I CAN’T MEET PEOPLE AND DON’T KNOW ANYONE IF THEY DON’T WORK AT WAL-MART

TIRED OF BEING BROKE

TIRED OF NEVER HAVING MONEY SO I CAN MOVE

TIRED OF WANTING TO JUST SLEEP BECAUSE OF NOTHING ELSE BETTER TO DO ALWAYS ALONE, SO WHY SHOULD I CARE?

TIRED OF NOT HAVING GONE ANYWHERE IN MY MUSIC CAREER

TIRED OF BEING POOR

TIRED OF THE ONLY SOCIAL LIFE I GET IS ONLINE

TIRED OF ALWAYS TRYING TO HAVE FUN ALONE

TIRED OF GETTING DRUNK BUT I GOT NOTHING ELSE BETTER TO DO

TIRED OF WORKING DAY BY DAY NEVER GETTING NO WHERE I SHOULD BE

TIRED OF NEVER HAVING ANY FUN

TIRED OF NEVER BEING IN LOVE

TIRED OF MUSIC BEING THE ONLY THING KEEPING ME ALIVE

TIRED OF MUSIC AND TV BEING THE ONLY THING TO KEEP ME FROM SUICIDE

TIRED OF NOT HAVING A LIFE

TIRED OF BEING IGNORED BY 95% OF THE PEOPLE I SEE

TIRED OF HAVING A PHONE WHEN ONLY PHONE SOLICITORS CALL

TIRED OF PLAYING MUSIC THAT NO ONE HEARS

TIRED OF LIVING IN HARRISON, ARKANSAS, WHERE THE ONLY THING THERE IS TO DO IS GO TO WAL-MART

TIRED OF PEOPLE GIVING ME A DIRTY LOOK WHEN THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW ME

TIRED OF PEOPLE NOT INVITING ME ANYWHERE BECAUSE THEY CAN’T STAND ME WHEN THEY GOT NO REASON TO HATE ME

TIRED OF DOING EVERYTHING BY MYSELF

TIRED OF MY PARENTS NOT WANTING TO HELP, THEY CLAIM THEY WILL BUT THEY WON’T

(THEY ARE ONE REASON I HAVEN’T TRIED TO TAKE THE WRITTEN TEST FOR DRIVER’S LICENSE IN SO LONG, THEY SAY THEY’D HELP ME STUDY, I FELL FOR IT TWICE.  NEVER AGAIN!)

PEOPLE OFFER TO HELP ME STUDY BUT I AIN’T GOT TIME TO DO THAT AT WORK!

TIRED OF LIVING IN THIS LONER’S WORLD

TIRED OF DISAGREEMENT OF MY LIFESTYLE 100%

TIRED OF THE ONLY FRIENDS I GOT NOT HAVING ANY TIME FOR ME

TIRED OF ALWAYS BEING SO PISSED AND MISERABLE BECAUSE OF THE SITUATION I’M LIVING IN

TIRED OF ALWAYS COMPLAININ’ BUT I AIN’T HAD A REASON TO BE HAPPY

TIRED OF NEVER BEING HAPPY

TIRED OF BEING PISSED AT THIS WORLD

TIRED OF LIVING SUCH A MISERABLE LIFE

TIRED OF PEOPLE COMMITTING CRIMES AGAINST ME, NEXT THING I KNOW SOMEONE MAY KILL ME

TIRED OF LIVING UNHAPPY

TIRED OF LIVING PERIOD

TIRED OF LIVING MISERABLE

TIRED OF LIVING

BETTER OFF DEAD

HOW WOULD A PERSON NOT SUICIDAL COMMIT IT?

TIRED OF NO ONE TRYING TO HELP ME MUCH

TIRED OF THE GIRLS NEVER TAKING AN INTEREST IN ME BECAUSE OF THE WAY I LOOK

TIRED OF THE GIRLS NOT BEING INTERESTED BECAUSE THEY DON’T KNOW ME

TIRED OF PEOPLE NEVER GETTING TO KNOW ME SO THEY JUST IGNORE ME INSTEAD

TIRED OF BEING CALLED GAY OR QUEER WHEN I’M 100% STRAIGHT, ONLY DIFFERENCE IS I’M NOT LIKE MOST GUYS

TIRED OF PLAYING MY GUITAR AND NEVER GOING ANYWHERE WITH IT

TIRED OF NOT HAVING ANYONE TO GO TO FOR HELP THAT CAN HELP ME

TIRED OF HAVING TO GO HOME AFTER WORK AND STAYING HOME ON MY DAYS OFF

TIRED OF NEVER MEETING NOBODY

WANTING TO MOVE BACK TO PHOENIX, BUT HOW COULD I?  I’M TOO DAMN BROKE!

TIRED OF NOT PLAYING ANY GIGS

TIRED OF COMMITTING SINS (BUT IT’S THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS ME AWAY FROM BOREDOM’S WAY)

TIRED OF NOT HAVING TRUST IN GOD (I GAVE HIM A CHANCE THE 4 YEARS I LIVED IN FT. SMITH, AND MY PROBLEMS JUST GOT WORSE MOVING HERE).  HE SHOULD HELP WHEN A PERSON ASKS FOR HELP, NOT MAKE THEM WAIT.  IT’S WHY SO MANY TURN TO SUICIDE

WISH I COULD GO BACK IN TIME AND START OVER, BUT I CAN’T.

TIRED OF HAVING A DAILY SCHEDULE THAT NEVER CHANGES

TIRED OF KNOWING WHAT I’M DOING TOMORROW BECAUSE I KNOW IT’S THE SAME THING I’M DOING TODAY AND EVERY DAY.

TIRED OF WORRYING AND WONDERING WHERE MY LIFE IS HEADED

TIRED OF KNOWING HOW HATEFUL I MAY BE IN MY 50s

TIRED OF GIRLS DOING THINGS TO MAKE ME THINK THEY’D LIKE TO HAVE ME AS A BOYFRIEND, BUT REALLY THEY DON’T

TIRED OF GIRLS MESSING WITH MY MIND

TIRED OF PEOPLE LOOKING AT ME LIKE I DIDN’T GET A JOKE BECAUSE THEY HAD TO REPEAT IT, AND THAN CALLING ME, “STUPID.” SAYING, “I DIDN’T GET IT” WHEN REALLY I DID

TIRED OF WRITING SUCH DEPRESSING AND MISERABLE POEMS AND SONGS

TIRED OF KNOWING THAT MY SONGS AND POEMS WON’T GET ME A #1 HIT

TIRED OF NEVER BEING INVITED TO PARTIES

TIRED OF TELLING CUSTOMERS THAT I GREET, “I’D BE BETTER IF I WERE SOMEWHERE ELSE!”  BUT IT’S THE TRUTH

TIRED OF NEVER HAVING A GIRL AROUND TO BE IN LOVE WITH

TIRED OF BEING A LONER, I DON’T AGREE WITH IT

TIRED OF GOING TO WORK AND JUST COMPLAININ’ ABOUT EVERYTHING

TIRED OF NOT BEING LIKED BY MANY

TIRED OF MISSING OUT ON EVENTS IN MY LIFE (WHAT EVENTS?  THERE AREN’T ANY)

TIRED OF ALWAYS WEARING A FROWN BECAUSE I’M NEVER HAPPY

TIRED OF PEOPLE ALWAYS BUGGIN’

TIRED OF NEVER TRUSTING ANYONE

TIRED OF BEING IN MENTAL PAIN

TIRED OF HARDLY SMILING

TIRED OF MY PARENTS THINKING I’M GAY BECAUSE I DON’T AND NEVER HAD A GIRLFRIEND.  HOW COULD I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND IN THE FIRST PLACE IF NO GIRL SEEMS INTERESTED, AND LOOK AWAY INSTEAD?

TIRED OF MY PARENTS MAKING FUN OF ME BECAUSE OF MY CHOICE OF CLOTHES

TIRED OF MY DAD MAKING RUDE COMMENTS BECAUSE OF MY GOALS IN LIFE WEREN’T LIKE HIS

TIRED OF MY PARENTS MAKING RUDE AND STUPID COMMENTS WHEN I TELL THEM PERSONAL STUFF, WHICH IS WHY I NEVER TELL THEM

TIRED OF CELEBRATING THE HOLIDAYS.  WHAT’S THE POINT?  CHRISTMAS IS JUST SPENT AROUND FAMILY MEMBERS I CAN’T STAND, BIRTHDAYS I SPEND BY MYSELF NO BIRTHDAY PARTY SET UP FOR ME, VALENTINE’S DAY, NO ONE I LOVE LIKE THAT SO WHAT’S THE POINT TO CELEBRATE?  DESTROY ALL THE HEARTS, ROSES, AND LOVEY-DOVEY CRAP!  EASTER IS JUST ANOTHER REGULAR SUNDAY.  JUST ANOTHER DAY TO BE HATEFUL.

TIRED OF JUST BEING THIS MISERABLE

TIRED OF LIVING IN A TOWN WHERE THE ONLY WAY TO MEET PEOPLE IS AT WORK, SCHOOL, OR CHURCH WHEN I JUST GO TO WORK

TIRED OF NO ONE WANTING TO HANG WITH ME, WHEN I AM A COOL PERSON TO HANG OUT WITH TOO

TIRED OF GIRLS NEVER WANTING TO MEET ME, WHEN I AM AN INTERESTING GUY TO BE AROUND.

GUESS I’M JUST TOO DAMN TIRED.  WHEN WILL IT END?  SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE IT END!

Tuesday, September 24, 2002

DEPRESSION PART 2

TIRED OF BEING ALONE
TIRED OF SPENDING ALL MY DAYS BY MYSELF

IF I KEEP GOING THIS ROUTE I’M LIABLE TO HANG MYSELF

ALWAYS MISERABLE
ALWAYS DEPRESSED
MY LIFE IS SUCH A MESS

I FEEL THAT I JUST GOT TO PROTEST AGAINST THOSE WHO WANT TO IGNORE ME, WHO WANT TO HATE ME

NOWHERE TO GO SO I JUST GO HOME AND STAY IN MY OWN ZONE
WHEN THE PHONE RINGS, IT’S ALWAYS THOSE DAMN SOLICITORS
WHEN SOMEONE KNOCKS ON MY DAMN DOOR,
IT’S ALWAYS THOSE DAMN SOLICITORS!

NO ONE TO TALK TO
SO I JUST TALK TO MYSELF

EVERY DAY I SIT AND I CRY WONDERING WHEN WILL IT EVER CHANGE?
HATE MY LIFE!
FEEL I JUST WANT TO DIE
BUT I DON’T WANNA TURN TO SUICIDE FOR MY ANSWERS
BUT WHAT ELSE CAN I DO?
I GET SO DAMN CONFUSED!

NO ONE TO HARDLY HAVE A DECENT CONVO WITH, JUST “HI AND BYE”

I’LL ADMIT TO NOT CONVERSIN’ MUCH WHEN GIVEN A CHANCE BUT I NEVER CAN THINK OF STUFF TO KEEP A LONG CONVO WITH AND I DON’T WANNA STAND AROUND ACTIN’ A FOOL, WHAT’S A PERSON TO DO?

I PLAY MUSIC, BUT NO ONE EVER COMES OVER TO HEAR, SO I JUDGE MY SOUND MYSELF

IT AIN’T FAIR
OTHERS GOT PEOPLE AROUND A LOT
BUT IF I’M NOT AT WORK, I’M BY MYSELF

PISSED AT IT, SICK OF IT
TELL ME WHAT SHOULD I DO TO CHANGE THIS?

Saturday, September 21, 2002

WHERE’S MY LIFE BEEN?

 

WHERE’S MY LIFE BEEN?
WHERE IS IT GOING?
BORN IN 1980,
NOW I’M 22
TRYIN’ NOT TO REMEMBER ’89 TO ‘92
BUT IT’S HARD TO
WHEN THAT’S AS FAR BACK AS I CAN REMEMBER

WAS TORTURED GROWING UP AS A KID
KIDS DIDN’T KNOW OR UNDERSTAND ME
SO THEY JUST REJECTED ME
TRIED TO BAN ME
SHAPING ME THE WAY I BECAME TODAY

VERY SHY, VERY QUIET, NOT EASY TO MEET PEOPLE, NON-QUIET AROUND THOSE I KNOW
NEVER EASY FOR ME TO MEET PEOPLE,
ALWAYS HARD FOR ME.
NO MATTER HOW HARD I CHANGE MY WAYS OF SOCIALIZATION, MY PROBLEMS OF PEERS IN THE PAST JUST COME BACK TO HAUNT ME.
HOW SAD!

NEVER BEEN IN LOVE BEFORE
AND WILL I EVER?
DAYS GOING BY TOO FAST,
WISH THEY’D JUST SLOW DOWN
BECAUSE MY LIFE IS JUST PASSIN’ ME BY
MY LIFE IS BEIN WASTED AS WE SPEAK.
NEVER HAPPY, ALWAYS SAD.
NEED TO CHANGE IT BUT I WISH I KNEW HOW
22 YEARS OLD AND NOWHERE I’M S’POSED TO BE
WHAT A LIFE I LIVE!

TOO MUCH TIME SPENT AT HOME ALONE

 

THIS IS BAD –
IT’S ENOUGH TO MAKE ME FEEL EVEN WORSE
IT’S ENOUGH TO MAKE ME FEEL EVEN MORE DEPRESSED,
I’M FED UP!

THERE’S 168 HOURS IN A WEEK
40 SPENT AT WORK, 6 SPENT AT PARENTS’
THE OTHER 122 IS SPENT AT HOME ALONE
WHAT’S THE PURPOSE IN ME EVEN HAVING A PHONE?

SO LONELY
ALWAYS BY MYSELF
WHAT AM I TO DO?
BECAUSE OF THIS I FEEL SO UNCOOL
I KNOW I AIN’T DULL BUT I FEEL MY LIFE IS
BECAUSE HARDLY ANYONE PAY ATTENTION TO ME LIKE THEY SHOULD.

SICK OF ALWAYS BEING ALONE
I’M JUST GETTING WORSE BY THE WEEK
BETTER OFF TOO MOVE – BUT I’M TOO DAMN BROKE
WHAT ELSE IS THERE FOR ME TO DO?

BORED

ALWAYS ALL ALONE

NO ONE TO BE AROUND

I’D RATHER BE SOMEWHERE ELSE

NEVER HAPPY

ALWAYS SAD

NEVER GLAD

ALWAYS MAD

ALWAYS ALL DEPRESSED

NO ONE TO HANG AROUND

I’D RATHER BE IN ANOTHER PLACE

NEVER HAPPY

ALWAYS SAD

NEVER GLAD

ALWAYS MAD

ALWAYS MISERABLE

NO ONE IS EVER AROUND

RATHER BE IN ANOTHER PLACE

ALWAYS SAD

ALWAYS MISERABLE

ALWAYS DEPRESSED

ALWAYS LONELY

Friday, September 20, 2002

QUIT GRIPING AT THE 3RD SHIFT PEOPLE GREETER

 

WHAT’S THIS PLACE’S PROBLEM?
OVERNIGHT BY THE DOOR, WHAT’S THERE TO DO?
NO ONE COMES IN.
NO ONE GOES OUT!

CAN’T SIT,
CAN’T READ
CAN’T DO NOTHIN’ WITHOUT SOMEONE GETTIN’ RUDE OVER IT!

I GREET ALL THE CUSTOMERS.
I GREET ALL THE PEOPLE THAT GO THROUGH THE DOORS.
SO WHY SHOULD IT MATTER?

THEY EXPECT YOU TO JUST WALK UP AND DOWN THE CARPET DOING NOTHING BUT LOOKIN’ LIKE A FOOL!

WASH WINDOWS?
THEY DON’T PAY ME ENOUGH TO BE A JANITOR! 
I’M NOT PAID ENOUGH TO DO SOMEONE ELSE’S JOB,
I’M NOT PAID ENOUGH TO EVEN HELP THOSE WHO JUST IGNORE ME!

I’M PAID TO WATCH THE DOOR, PUSH CARTS, AND PICK UP TRASH
(NOT EVEN PAID ENOUGH TO DO THAT)
I AT LEAST DO MY JOB AND MAKE SURE IT’S DONE BY 6:30
SO WHY CAN’T THEY LEAVE ME ALONE,
AND STOP BUGGIN’?

Thursday, September 19, 2002

REJECTED PART 2

 

MY LIFE –
GO HOME, SLEEP, GO TO WORK
THAT’S MY EVERY DAY ROUTINE.

DON’T GOT A SOCIAL LIFE
UNLESS I GO ONLINE
WHY ARE PEOPLE SO MEAN?

THEY AREN’T HATEFUL,
THEY JUST LIKE TO IGNORE YOU.
YOU’RE NOT PART OF THERE CLIQUE SO THEY REJECT YOU.

SO I HARDLY HAVE ANYBODY TO HANG WITH, IF SO NOT EVEN TWO.

THERE’S ONE GIRL I LIKE HERE,
BUT I DON’T THINK SHE LIKES ME THAT WAY, CAN’T ASK HER, ‘FRAID I’D GET REJECTED ONCE MORE!

THE ONLY GIRL I KNOW WHO LIKES ME THAT WAY
(I LIKE HER TOO)
LIVES IN PHOENIX, AND THERE’S NO TELLING WHEN I BE ABLE TO GO BACK THERE.

WHEN I DRINK, I DRINK ALONE
NO ONE ELSE WILL DRINK WITH ME.
WHAT’S THE POINT, WHAT’S THE USE?
I DRINK EVERY DAY, BUT WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO DO?
SO I DRINK TO ESCAPE FROM BOREDOM

SPEND EVERY DAY BY MYSELF
WATCH MOVIES BY MYSELF
ENJOY MUSIC BY MYSELF
PLAY MUSIC FOR MYSELF
HOW CAN A PERSON ENJOY LIFE WHEN THEY ALWAYS SPENDING IT BY THEMSELVES?

EVERY DAY I FEEL REJECTED.
I FEEL NO ONE REALLY WANTS TO BE AROUND ME, OR ME AROUND THEM.
THEY WALK BY AND JUST IGNORE MY ASS LIKE I DON’T EXIST OR SUMTHIN’.
NO WONDER I FEEL SO REJECTED.

AND IF THEY REALLY WANNA BE MY FRIEND THEY AIN’T TRYIN’ HARD ENOUGH SO I JUST START FEELING REJECTED.

Wednesday, September 18, 2002

BEAUTY

Beauty is found in girls,

girls with blonde hair I grow fond of!

Girls with brown hair don't make me frown!

I like all different kinds of girls

that's why I have a ball,

that's why I wanna fall in love with one

so I can have some fun!

Beauty is found in girls

that make me whirl to stare!

Beauty is found in girls

that I think are so hot,

so they're on top of my list!

Beauty is found in girls!

Go away, faggots, because beauty is

found in girls!

That make me stare!

Beauty is found in girls!

Friday, September 13, 2002

CONFUSED

I’M SO CONFUSED.

I FEEL GOD IS TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING

BUT IT’S REALLY HARD TO TELL.

I FEEL HE’S SAYING HE WANTS ME BACK IN PHOENIX,

BUT DOES HE REALLY?

I FEEL HE WANTS ME TO BE WITH THIS GIRL THERE.

BUT DOES HE REALLY?

THAT GIRL HASN’T BEEN ONLINE TO TALK TO FOR 2 WEEKS.

IS HE TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING ELSE?

I FEEL HE WANTS ME TO HELP THE VICTIMS OF LAST YEAR’S TERROR ATTACKS.

BUT BY DOING WHAT?

I FEEL HE WANTS ME IN MUSIC.

BUT DOING WHAT?

I CAN’T SING A NOTE,

AND I’M NOT AS GIFTED AS DYLAN OR CLAPTON OR LENNON.

I JUST KNOW A LOT ABOUT MUSIC,

KNOW A HIT SONG, AND HAVE A LOVE AND PASSION FOR IT.

I’M SO CONFUSED.

WHAT IS GOD REALLY TRYING TO TELL ME?

HE’S GOT A PLAN FOR EVERYONE.

BUT WHAT IS MINE?

Wednesday, September 11, 2002

YOU WON’T SUCCEED AT ALL

(Note: on the 1st anniversary of 9/11 I wrote this song as a Patriotic song to tell Osama Bin Laden that he would never succeed in destroying America.)

YOU CAN DESTROY BUILDINGS OF GREAT POWER
YOU CAN DESTROY BUILDINGS OF GREAT ARCHITECTURE
YOU CAN TRY TO DESTROY OUR SPIRITS
YOU CAN TRY AND TAKE OUR FREEDOM AWAY
YOU MAY SUCCEED IN TWO –
BUT YOU WILL NOT SUCCEED IN ALL.
NO – YOU WILL NOT SUCCEED IN ALL!

YOU TRIED TO DESTROY OUR SPIRITS.
YOU TRIED TO BRING THIS COUNTRY DOWN.
YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD IN DESTROYING THE WORLD TRADE CENTER.
YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD IN DESTROYING THE PENTAGON
YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD BY WANTING TO DESTROY D.C.
BUT YOU DIDN’T SUCCEED AT ALL.
NO – YOU DIDN’T SUCCEED AT ALL!

(SPOKEN:)
MR. BIN LADEN, KISS MY WHITE AMERICAN ASS!!!

OSAMA BIN LADEN – SUCH A COWARD.
OSAMA BIN LADEN – SUCH A FOOL.
OSAMA BIN LADEN – SO FULL OF HATRED.
OSAMA BIN LADEN – SO CRUEL.
HE TRIED TO DESTROY US ON 9/11/01
BUT HE DIDN’T SUCCEED AT ALL.
NO – HE DIDN’T SUCCEED AT ALL!

OSAMA BIN LADEN – SO STUPID!
THOUGHT THAT AMERICA WAS ABOUT MONEY AND POWER.
THOUGHT THAT AMERICA WAS ABOUT RICHES AND FAME.
WHEN AMERICA IS REALLY ALL ABOUT SPIRIT AND FREEDOM.
OSAMA BIN LADEN – NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY
YOU CAN’T DESTROY THAT.
NO – YOU CAN’T DESTROY THAT.
YOU’LL NEVER BRING THIS COUNTRY DOWN.

DEDICATED TO HEROES OF 9/11

 

YOU CHANGED EVERYBODY’S VIEWS OF HEROES LAST 9/11
BEFORE THAN WE ALL LOOKED UP TO CELEBRITIES
WE ALL LOOKED UP TO MOVIE ACTORS,
MUSICIANS, STARS.
BEFORE THAN WE ALL LOOKED UP TO
CHARACTERS IN MOVIES AND ON TV.
BEFORE THAN WE NEVER KNEW WHO A REAL HERO WAS.
BEFORE THAN WE REALLY DIDN’T KNOW.

YOU SPENT ALL HOURS OF THE DAY TRYING TO HELP THE VICTIMS.
SACRIFICING YOUR OWN LIVES SO THAT OTHERS WILL LIVE.
NYPD, FDNY, PAPD AND THOSE ON FLIGHT 93 –
IF THAT AIN’T WHAT TRUE HEROISM IS,
THEN THERE AIN’T NO SUCH THING.
NO, THERE AIN’T NO SUCH THING.

YOU ALL HELPED THOSE WHO WERE IN TIME OF NEED.
A LOT OF YOU SACRIFICED YOUR LIVES
SO THAT OTHERS WILL SURVIVE – LIVE.
PROUD OF YOU.
PROUD OF YOU ALL.
IF NOT FOR YOU,
THAN WHERE WOULD WE BE TODAY?
HOW WOULD WE FEEL?
TO THE HEROES OF 9/11,
THANK YOU.

Thursday, September 5, 2002

BIG CITY LIFE

Suburbs all around you.

Sidewalks all around you.

City Streets every where you go.

City boundaries no where in sight.

People all around you.

Public transportation everywhere you turn

Every where all types of people.

Every where all types of businesses.

Every where all types of homes.

Every where no country life in site.

Down town, big buildings everywhere

All kinds of night life everywhere.

All kinds of things to do.

All kinds of ways to get around

You can see the neon lights from a mile away

You look up towards the sky, and see

Over 30 commercial jets.

Look up, you see the city’s tallest buildings.

The city can have 3 to 4 freeways all to itself (Maybe more.)

You can drive over 10 miles, and still have a

Ways to go to leave the city!

Growing up in the city may be rough and hard, but it’s

Better than being raised up in the country.

Never have to be at home.

Places to go and things to do.

Sidewalks to walk or ride a bike on

Zillion malls to go.

Zillion clubs, movie theaters.

When you think the city stops growing, it grows 2 million more,

New businesses come in, and new suburbs.

More people move in and all the empty land becomes

Home to more housing developments!

You’d think I’d hate to go back and wouldn’t think about it.

But I’d die to go back and can’t wait for the day that I do!

Friday, August 30, 2002

DON’T NEED TO BE

DON’T NEED TO BE HERE IN THIS STORE
DON’T NEED TO BE HERE IN THIS CITY
DON’T NEED TO BE HERE IN THIS STATE

DON’T NEED TO BE BROKE
DON’T NEED TO BE POOR
DON’T NEED TO BE FEELIN’ HURT
DON’T NEED TO BE FEELIN’ SOAR
DON’T NEED TO BE FEELIN’ PAIN

I NEED TO BE IN THE MUSIC BUSINESS
I NEED TO BE IN PHOENIX
I NEED TO BE IN ARIZONA

I NEED TO BE RICH
I NEED TO HAVE FAME
I NEED TO SHOW THE JERKS HOW AND WHO  I BECAME
I NEED TO FEEL LOVE
AND I THINK I’D HAVE IT BACK IN PHOENIX, ARIZONA!

Tired

 

TIRED OF ALWAYS BEIN’ ALONE
TIRED OF NOT HAVING A LIFE
TIRED OF NOT HAVING A SOCIAL LIFE
TIRED OF BEING IN ARKANSAS
TIRED OF BEING BROKE
TIRED OF BEING POOR
TIRED OF BEING IGNORED
TIRED OF NEVER HANGING OUT
TIRED OF LIVING A LIFE THAT’S SO PACKED FULL OF LIES
TIRED OF NEVER HAVING ANY MONEY
TIRED OF NOT BEING ABLE TO GO ANYWHERE
TIRED OF NOT BEING BACK IN ARIZONA
TIRED OF MY LIFE JUST PASSING ME BY
TIRED OF NOT HAVING ANY FRIENDS
TIRED OF ALWAYS BEING UNHAPPY
TIRED OF NEVER BEING HAPPY
TIRED OF 2ND SHIFT LEAVING ME SUCH A MESS
TIRED OF LIVING
BECAUSE I’M LIVING A LIFE OF DEPRESSION AND BOREDOM
I FEEL I WANT TO DIE
BECAUSE I’M FEELING JUST WAY TOO TIRED OF LIVING
A NON-HAPPY LIFE!
A NON-LIVING LIFE!
TIRED OF LIVING A SAD AND DEPRESSED LIFE!

Thursday, August 29, 2002

ALONE

EVERY DAY I GET OFF WORK I GO HOME.

THERE AIN’T NOBODY THERE.

I FEEL LIKE NOBODY CARES.

IT REALLY AIN’T FAIR!

EVERY DAY I FEEL ALL ALONE!

THE ONLY PEOPLE I’M AROUND IS WHO I WORK WITH.

MOST OF THEM IGNORE ME.

I FEEL LIKE NOBODY CARES FOR ME.

IT REALLY AIN’T FAIR TO ME!

EVERY DAY I FEEL ALL ALONE!

THE FOOLS THROW PARTIES AND NEVER BOTHER INVITING ME.

THEY ALL JUST IGNORE ME.

NONE OF THEM REALLY WANT ME AROUND!

IT AIN’T FAIR AT ALL!

EVERY DAY I FEEL ALL ALONE!

AIN’T GOT MANY FRIENDS.

NO ONE WANTS TO TRY.

EVERY DAY I FEEL I GOT TO CRY!

THEY’D RATHER BE FRIENDS WITH OTHERS.

HOW UNFAIR!

EVERY DAY I FEEL ALL ALONE!

NO ONE EVEN CALLS ME ON THE PHONE.

WASTE OF MONEY TO EVEN HAVE!

THE ONLY FRIENDS I HAVE IS VERY FEW

HARDLY HANG OUT, AND MOST 20 TO 30 YEARS OLDER.

WHY IS IT THAT I FEEL SO ALONE?

ALONE AND NOWHERE TO EVEN GO.

ALONE AND NOWHERE TO GO BUT HOME!

SO ALONE, I FEEL I SHOULD THROW OUT MY PHONE!

SO ALONE I WROTE SO MANY DEPRESSING POEMS!

EVERY DAY I FEEL SO ALONE!

I NEED TO GET OUT OF ARKANSAS.

I NEED TO GO BACK TO PHOENIX.

I FEEL I WON’T BE ALONE THAN.

I FEEL THAT GOD SAID SO.

BUT UNTIL THAT DAY COME –

I’LL BE FEELIN’ ALL ALONE!

ALL ALONE, EVERY DAY.

SO I JUST END UP BACK HOME.

NO PARTIES, NO FRIENDS TO GO TO,

SO I JUST GO HOME, FEELING ALL ALONE!

Wednesday, August 28, 2002

I LOVE YOU, MARY

 

BACK IN ’95 WAS WHEN WE FIRST MET.
YOU SAT NEXT TO ME IN CLASS
AND STARTED TALKING TO ME.
YOU WERE SO SWEET AND CUTE.

I CAN’T BELIEVE I FINALLY GOT IN TOUCH WITH YOU AGAIN!
AND YOU STILL SOUND AS SWEET AS EVER!
TO THIS DAY I STILL THINK ABOUT YOU.
I WISHED I ASKED YOU OUT BACK THAN,
BUT I NEVER DID!
I WAS TOO SHY, AND I STILL AM.

I CHEATED LOVE, BUT I GOT A SECOND CHANCE.
I DON’T WANT TO BLOW IT AGAIN!
I WISH I WAS BACK IN PHOENIX RIGHT NOW
HOLDING YOUR HAND, AND
LOVING YOU AS MUCH AS I CAN.
MARY, I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL.
I WANT TO LOVE YOU TILL WE GROW OLD.
LOVE YOU UNTIL THE DAY I DIE.
WHEN NOT AROUND YOU, I JUST WANT TO CRY!

I THINK ABOUT EVERY DAY.
PLEASE TELL ME IF THAT’S OK?
I’M THINKING ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW AS I WRITE THIS.
I JUST WISH I KNEW THE RIGHT WORDS TO SAY.
PLEASE TELL ME IF THIS POEM IS OK.

I KNOW I MAY SOUND SILLY BECAUSE I STILL HARDLY KNOW YOU,
BUT SOMETHING TOLD ME YOU’RE THE ONE FOR ME.
I THINK MAYBE IT WAS GOD.

I THINK GOD WAS ALSO TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING
LAST FALL, BUT I JUST DIDN’T LISTEN.
LAST FALL AN EX-FRIEND COMMITTED CREDIT CARD FRAUD
WITH MY CARD.
SO I KNOW GOD WAS TRYING TO TELL ME
NOT TO GO BACK TO FORT SMITH.
EVER SINCE THAN, I’VE BEEN WANTING TO GO BACK TO PHOENIX!

NOW WITH ALL THE SIGNS I’VE BEEN SEEING,
I BELIEVE IT EVEN MORE, AND I BELIEVE IN GOD EVEN MORE.
I KNOW WHERE GOD WANTS ME TO BE, AND I NEED TO GO THERE.

HE WANTS ME TO BE BACK IN PHOENIX WITH YOU!
MARY HODGES, YOU’RE THE ONLY GIRL I THINK ABOUT,
AND I LOVE YOU!
I TRULY LOVE YOU!
I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART!!!!

Thursday, August 22, 2002

A MESSAGE TO GOD

(written during what I’d like to call my “Great Depression”)

DEAR GOD,

WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY LIFE?

WHAT AM I PAYING THE PRICE FOR?

DON’T FEEL I SHOULD BE HERE NO MORE.

MY LIFE IS SCREWED

BECAUSE PEOPLE CAN BE SO CRUEL.

SOMETIMES I FEEL IT’S GOTTA BE THROUGH.

BUT I DON’T WANNA END IT.

SO I JUST GOTTA LIVE IT.

I DO BELIEVE IN YOU,

BUT IT’S GETTING HARD TO.

I FEEL I LOST MY FAITH IN YOU.

THOSE YEARS I WENT TO CHURCH, I PRAYED FOR HELP

AND I NEVER GOT ANY.

THEY SAY YOU HELP WHEN YOU READY TO.

BUT WHAT IF SOMEONE IS IN DESPERATE NEED?

PLEASE HEAR MY PLEA!

DEAR GOD,

IF YOU OUT THERE, PLEASE!

I’M DOWN ON MY KNEES, BEGGIN’

PLEASE, PLEASE, HELP ME!

Monday, August 19, 2002

I CHEATED LOVE

 

I FEEL I CHEATED LOVE.
I WISH I SHOULDN’T’VE.
WHY DO I FEEL I CHEATED LOVE?

I WISH I COULD GO BACK TO ’95, WHY?
THERE WAS A GURL I MET BACK IN SCHOOL.
GOD, I FEEL LIKE SUCH A FOOL.
SHE SEEMED TO BE VERY COOL. 
WHY WAS I A FOOL?

SHE SEEMED TO BE REAL SWEET.
SHE DIDN’T ACT LIKE A TEASE.
SHE WAS REAL CUTE,
I MISS LOOKIN’ AT HER
GOD, SHE WAS CUTE!

NOW I’M 22.
I WISH THAT I KNEW HOW I COULD FIND HER
BUT I’M LOOKIN’
AND HOPIN’ THAT MAYBE WE’LL GET TOGETHER.

MY PARENTS ARE CONFUSED

 

MY DAD SAYS I’M CONFUSED
JUST BECAUSE HE PAYS MORE ATTENTION TO THE NEWS
BUT I DO KNOW THAT HE’S THE ONE MORE CONFUSED.
HE LOOKS AT ME AND HE JUST LAUGHS.
I THINK IT HAS TO DO WITH HIS BOOZE!
HE LOOKS AT ME AND ACTS LIKE HE’S
WISER JUST BECAUSE HE’S OLDER!
HE MAY BE MY FATHER, BUT I DO
THINK HE’S STUPID AT TIMES!
HE REALLY DON’T KNOW AS MUCH AS HE CLAIMS HE DO!
HE ACTS LIKE A FOOL!

MY MOM SAYS I DRESS WEIRD
JUST BECAUSE I DON’T DRESS LIKE HER.
I THINK THAT SHE’S THE ONE WHO DRESSES WEIRD.
SHE LOOKS AT ME AND SHE JUST LAUGHS.
SOMETIMES I FEEL THAT SHE’S CONFUSED.
IN HER CAR I TURN ON MY MUSIC,
SHE CAN’T EVEN TOLERATE IT, PUTS IT ON COUNTRY!
SHE MAY BE MY MOTHER, BUT I DO
THINK SHE’S WEIRD AT TIMES.

BOTH MY PARENTS NEVER RAISED ME ON MY LEVEL.
KEPT A LOT OF SHIT FROM ME.
I LEARNED ALL MY SHIT FROM THE STREETS!

Sunday, August 18, 2002

LIFE IN THE SUBURBS

 

LIFE IN THE SUBURBS,
IT ISN’T VERY PRETTY.
YOU GOT YOUR JUNKIES,
AND YOU GOT YOUR SNOBS!

IF THEY DON’T LIKE YOU FOR
WHO YOU ARE, THEY WILL JUST
TAUNT YOU DAY IN AND DAY OUT.
AND IF IT GETS BAD IT WILL HAUNT
YOU ALL YOUR LIFE!

I SHOULD KNOW.
I GREW UP IN THE SUBURBS.
THE SUBURBS OF PHOENIX, ARIZONA,
AND IT WASN’T VERY PRETTY!

TO THIS DAY, MY BRAIN IS
STILL SCREWED UP FROM THOSE SIX YEARS,
MAINLY JUST THE FIRST THREE.

I STILL DON’T GET MUCH RESPECT IN LIFE.
MOST PEOPLE JUST TRY AND IGNORE ME.
MOST PEOPLE JUST SEE ME AND THEY JUST WALK BY.
I FEEL I DON’T EVEN EXIST IN THE WORLD.
SOMEONE TAKE THESE TEARS AWAY FROM ME.
TAKE AWAY ALL THIS PAIN!

SOMETIMES I WISH I COULD
GO BACK THERE AND SHOW ALL
THEM FOOLS HOW I FEEL NOW.
BECAUSE OF ALL THEM BASTARDS’ ATTITUDES!

GROWING UP IN THE SUBURBS,
IT ISN’T VERY PRETTY.
YOU HAVE YOUR SNOBS AND
YOU HAVE YOUR JUNKIES!

Friday, August 16, 2002

Letta To A Friend

Dear Dan,

What’s been up, Man?  How’s life? / These days I feel like I jus gosta cry / and ev’ry day I feel like I wanna die. / I’m in da middle of a great depression here in my life.

How’s ev’rythin’ back at da fort? / Still hangin’ wit Josh Jowers and Justin Hardwick?

My depression started last month. / Started feelin’ really iggied at work. / Really feel like ev’ry one there is bein’ jerkz / and this last Saturday mornin’ I jus broke down in tears. / Was talkin’ to someone online / (My only way o’ socialization rite now) / and next thing I kno / I start blurtin’ out my whole life / and I found out why I am always shy / and why it was always easy to press my buttons back than / (and it still is.)

Back in the day when I lived in P-H-X, A-Z I was dissed. / Not dissed the way u dissed. / I was dissed ‘cuz I was hated on. / Started when I was 9. / Before than, I felt fine, had a good life I think, damn! / Moved 2 new suburb guess it was ‘cuz I was the new kid. / Went on for 3 fu**in’ years! / When I was 13 it got even worse. / Some kid I thought was a friend started a rumor about me and shit! / I think about all this and I wanna throw a fu**in’ fit! / Only friendz I had always stabbed me in the bak! / Now the only friendz  I got r either online or 30 years older!

Don’t even talk 2 Josh Wurtsbaugh no more! / Why for? / Dat fu**in’ backstabber! / Took my debit card & committed credit card fraud wit it! / 1 G worth on fu**in’ porn! / Ran my phone up $500 on porn! / So I turned him in / the f**ka went to the pen for a few / he also gave me a grin, sayin’ he didn’t do it! / Than how cum all the sites on the bank statement I called said the orders 4 the sites were in his name & address for shippin’ info?

Because of all my problems now I have been listenin’ to a lot o’ Eminem. / I guess I sumwhat relate. / I guess his words are a mutha f**ka / they can be great. / At least wit music I could try to hide because othawise I would’ve tried suicide. / Because o’ my life I’m awefully glad I write / othawise I’d be violent, and that ain’t right. / But ev’ry fu**in’ day I’d wish I die!

I appreciate how you treated me back in high school. / For those two years in drama class what I thought you was you really wasn’t / I wish I could go bak 2 da fort 2 c y’all again / but as far as rite now I really don’t know when. / It’s really fu**ed up. / I havta talk through this pen / ‘cuz I would really luv 2 c y’all again. / I jus don’t know when. / If I go bak don’t want Wurtsbaugh seein’ me / but I’m a try because rite now I’m needin’ a real social life. / I ain’t getting’ that here. / Sometimes I feel so much fear / I’m cryin’ here, cryin’ so many tears! / I don’t think it’s fu**in’ fair!

I hope you get this, man! / Hit me back / jus 2 chat!

Tuesday, August 13, 2002

DEPRESSION

EVERY DAY LIVING A LIFE
SO FULL OF HATRED AND LIES.
EVERY DAY IT MAKES ME WANNA TRY SUICIDE.
EVERY DAY I JUST DON’T SEEM TO FEEL ANY PRIDE
AND IT MAKES ME NOT TO EVEN WANNA TRY.
I SIT DOWN AND I JUST WANNA CRY!
SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHY?
MY WHOLE LIFE I FELT LIKE I JUST WANTED TO DIE

Monday, August 12, 2002

WASTING AWAY (WASTING DAYS)

(Note: back in 2002 I went through a deep dark depression - this is one I wrote during that period.)

(verse 1:)
EVERY DAY, HERE AT HOME
I DON’T KNOW WHY, BUT I FEEL SO ALL ALONE
I DON’T EVER GET ANY CALLS ON THE TELEPHONE
EVERY DAY, I JUST MOAN AND GROAN
WHERE’S MY LIFE GOIN’, I DON’T KNOW
I JUST ALWAYS FEEL SO OUT OF ZONE.
EVERY DAY, HERE AT HOME

WASTING DAYS HERE AT HOME
GOTTA GET OUT BUT NOWHERE TO GO
NOTHING TO DO, SO I JUST STAY AT HOME
MY LIFE’S JUST WASTING AWAY,
I JUST MOAN AND GROAN
SPENDING ALL OF MY DAYS
EVERY DAY, HERE AT HOME

(chorus:)
WASTING AWAY
I’M JUST SITTIN’ HERE TRYIN’ TO FIGGER OUT WHAT TO DO
JUST WASTING AWAY
MY LIFE IS JUST PASSIN’ ME BY
AND I’M SITTIN’ HERE JUST WASTING AWAY
(repeat chorus again with the second line)

(verse 2:)
EVERY DAY, I GO TO WORK
AND I ALWAYS THINK I START TO GO SO BERSERK
AND AT WORK I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE THE FOOLS ARE STUPID JERKS
EVERY DAY, I FEEL SO HURT
ALL OF MY DAYS I’M TREATED LIKE DIRT
I SEE THE GURLS AND I CAN’T EVEN FLIRT
EVERY DAY, I GO TO WORK

I FEEL SO IGNORED, I GET REALLY ANNOYED.
NO ONE TO TALK TO ME, SO I FEEL I GOTTA FLEE
WITH MY PAST, I NEED TO FIND LIFE
BUT THEM FOOLS DON’T WANNA SHOW ME LIFE.
ALL THE TIME I FEEL SO OUT OF PLACE
I FEEL LIKE SOMEONE NEED TO PAY THE PRICE
EVERY DAY, I GO TO WORK

(chorus)

(verse 3:) (*sung with the chorus & chorus lines r in parentheses)
(WASTING AWAY)
EVERY DAY, HERE AT HOME
(I’M JUST SITTIN’ HERE TRYIN’ TO FIGGER OUT WHAT TO DO)
I GET SO FULL OF FEAR I DRINK A BEER
(JUST WASTING AWAY)
WITH MY LIFE I GET SO FULL OF TEARS
(MY LIFE IS JUST PASSIN’ ME BY)
I SOMETIMES FEEL LIKE NO ONE CARES
(AND I’M SITTIN’ HERE JUST WASTING AWAY)
NOT MANY REALLY DARED GIVE ME A CHANCE
(’M JUST SITTIN’ HERE TRYIN’ TO FIGGER OUT WHAT TO DO)
I NEED TO GO DANCE AND HAVE FUN BUT CAN’T
(JUST WASTING AWAY)
EVERY DAY, HERE AT HOME
(finish the rest of the chorus than start rap)

(rap:)
SITTIN’ HERE JUST WASTING AWAY BECAUSE OF MY PAST
HOW MUCH LONGER WILL MY PROBLEMS LAST?
I NEED TO FIND SOME LOVE BUT HOW FAST?
EVERY DAY I FEEL I GOTTA BLAST!
MY WHOLE LIFE I FELT TRASHED!
I JUS FEEL LIKE KICKIN’ SUM ASS!
THE BASTARDS MADE ME TO BE SAD AND MAD
AND SO FULL OF HATRED
SO SHY AND SO PETRIFIED

EVERY DAY I CRY AND WISHIN’ I DIED.
EVERY DAY I DON’T EVEN FEEL PRIDE NO MORE
NO ONE EVER BE COMIN’ KNOCKIN’ AT MY DOOR.
BECAUSE OF THIS, I DON’T EVEN WANNA LIVE NO MORE

NO ONE TO HANG WITH, NO ONE TO CHILL WITH
NO ONE TO BE COO WITH, NO ONE TO LOVE WITH
NO ONE TO BE WITH

TELL ME, WHAT’S A PERSON TO DO TO SURVIVE THIS SITUATION?
I AM SO SICK AND TIRED OF JUST SITTIN’ HERE AND WASTING MY DAYS AND WASTING MY NIGHTS.
SO SICK AND TIRED OF JUST LIVING MY LIFE. 
SO I JUST STAY AT MY CRIB AND SPEND MY LIFE JUST…

(chorus)

Monday, July 22, 2002

LIFE IN A MISERABLE WORLD

 

LIFE, WHAT IS LIFE?
I HATE LIFE!
LIFE IS WASTED TIME SPENT ON EARTH.
WASTED DAYS AND NIGHTS.
LIFE IS SPENT WANDERING WHAT TO DO WITH YO’SELF
BUT WHY WHEN U AIN’T GOT NOBODY TO DO ANYTHING WITH!
I HATE LIFE!
LIFE AIN’T NUTTIN’ BUT A STUPID GAME WHERE U LOSIN’ HALF THE TIME BECAUSE U NEVA FEEL LIKE A WINNA.
WHAT IS LIFE?
I HATE LIFE.
F*** IT.

HATRED, WHAT IS HATRED?
HATRED IS WHAT I FEEL TOWARDS EV’RYONE WHO HAS IT TOWARDS ME.
BASICALLY EVRYONE I KNOW ‘CEPT MAYBE A SELECT FEW.
HATRED IS WHAT I FEEL TOWARDS THOSE WHO CHOOSE TO IGNORE ME BECAUSE I AIN’T LIKE DEM.
HATRED IS WHAT I FEEL TOWARDS THOSE WHO NEVA INVITE ME TO PARTIES, THINKIN’ I MAY NEVA GO.
I’D DIE TO GO.
HATRED IS WHAT I FEEL EV’RYDAY BECAUSE I NEVA HAV ANY BETTA FEELIN’S IN LIFE.
PEOPLE OFTEN WONDER Y I LISTEN TO WHAT I LISTEN TO.
I LISTEN TO WHAT I LISTEN TO BECAUSE I CAN RELATE TO IT.
IT SEEM LIKE MY WHOLE LIFE ALL I SAW IS NEGATIVITY
AND I’M SEEIN’ IT MORE AND MORE EV’RYDAY.
I SEE IT WHEN I SEE PEOPLE WHO REFUSE TO PARTY OR HANG WITH ME.
I SEE IT WHEN PEOPLE CHOOSE TO DIS ME OR DOG ON ME JUS CUZ I AM THE WAY I AM.
I SEE IT WHEN PEOPLE CHOOSE TO IGNORE ME THE WAY THEY DO.
I SEE IT WHEN I STAY HOME WHEN NOT AT WORK BECAUSE THERE BEIN’ NO PLACE TO GO OR PEEPS TO CHILL WIT, BECAUSE THE PEEPS DON’T WANNA C MY ASS ANYWAY.
THEY ALL CHOOSE TO IGNORE ME.
FINE THAN.
BE DAT WAY!
MY WHOLE LIFE I WAS TOLD TO B AND THINK POSITIVE
HOW THE HECK CAN U B OR THINK POSITIVE WHEN U DON’T SEE STUFF POSITIVE?

FRIENDS?
WHAT ARE FRIENDS?
I AIN’T HAVE A CLUE, NEVA HAD NO TRU FRIENDS.
BUT TO ME, FRIENDS R THOSE WHO HANG OUT WIT U 4 A WHILE,
THAN DO WHAT THEY CAN TO TURN THEY BACKS ON U.
THEY HANG WIT U, AND THAN THEY DIS U.
DAT AIN’T NO FRIEND.
AND THEN THEY CUM BAK ROUND AND BLAME THE LOSS O’ FRIENDSHIP ON U. 
DAT AIN’T RITE.  IT AIN’T RITE.
AND THAN WHEN U TRY TO TALK TO THEM TO GET TO HANG OUT WITH ‘EM AGAIN, THEY CHOOSE TO BE PART O’ DAT CRU DAT HATE U!
SEEM LIKE THE WHOLE DAMN’ WORLD IS AGAINST U!

EV’RYTIME I DRINK, I POUR OUT SUM LIQUOR.
I DON’T KNOW Y 4.
I AIN’T GOT NO CRU, HOMEYS, NO Gs.
ALL I HAV IN LIFE IS JUS ME.
NO FRIENDS, NO GIRLS.
JUS ME.
NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY, EV’RYONE STILL CHOOSES TO IGGY ME!
THE BASTARDS KNOW I DRINK, BUT DO THEY EVER INVITE ME TO GO DRINK OR PARTY WITH THEM?
HELL NO!

PEOPLE OFTEN WONDER Y SWEARIN’ IS IN MY VOCAB.
LOOK AT MY LIFE.  SEE WHAT I HAD TO DEAL WIT, AND THAN MAYBE U’D KNO Y.
I F******’ SWEAR TO EXPRESS MY F*****’ FEELIN’S TOWARDS THIS F***** UP WORLD.
I EVEN OFTEN WONDER Y THEY NEVA SEE MY DEPRESSION.  CAN THEY NOT SEE THE SADNESS AND GLOOM ON MY FACE?
I NEVA F*****’ SMILE.  NO ONE GIMME A REASON TO.

THIS ONE GO OUT TO ALL THOSE WHO CHOSE TO HATE ON ME.  YOU ALL KNOW WHO U R. 
IT’S PRETTY MUCH JUS ‘BOUT EV’RYONE O’ Y’ALL OUT THERE.
IF U EVA GOT A HOLD O’ DIS, MAYBE THAN U WOULD UNDERSTAND Y I AM WHO I AM.  AND CHOOSE TO BE WHO I AM.

I AIN’T RELIGIOUS.  GOD NEVA HELPED ME.  I HATE RELIGION BECAUSE I GOT TO A POINT WHERE I WAS BEGINNING TO THINK IT AS FAKE.
I MEAN, HOW WOULD U FEEL IF U WANTED YO LIFE TO CHANGE SO U WENT TO CHURCH EV’RY WEEK FOR 4 STR8 YEARS,
AND GOD NEVA HELPED U?
THEY SAY GOD HELPS U IN HIS OWN TIME.  F*** DAT.  I WANT HELP NOW, DAMMIT!

F*** THE WORLD.
F*** LIFE.
F*** Y’ALL.
F*** POSITIVITY, CUZ I AIN’T NO LUCILLE BALL, SO I AIN’T GONNA BE FAKE WIT Y’ALL.
F*** U.
LIKE I SAYS EARLIER, I AIN’T GONNA B POSITIVE WHEN I DON’T SEE STUFF POSITIVE.
NEGATIVITY MAKE ME FEEL BETTA IN THIS DISGRACEFUL
FULL O’ HATRED WORLD!

F*** YOU!

Wednesday, May 22, 2002

FRIENDS

Friends?  Who?
The ones who are a generation older than you?
It’s the only friends I got.  It’s true.

I ain’t got no real friends near my age.
No one wants to be, if they do they never try.
Only one person my generation claims to be my friend. 
In my opinion she don’t act nothing close.
Every now and than, she asks me if I’m mad at her for something.  She’ll never know.
But truthfully – yeh!

She’ll get rude with you just for showing off your sense of humor at work.  She’ll write a poem making you think she likes you, but you find out she’s playing with your mind.  She says it’s a joke.  How cruel.

She claims she wants to help you out as a friend, but she doesn’t try hard enough.  When you ask her if she’s not doing anything to come over, she always got other plans.
Or she’ll tell me about things I shouldn’t be doing at work
(I know what I shouldn’t be doing at work.  But I do them anyway, ok?)

My brain is off on the warpath, ok?
You wanna be my friend?  That’s cool.
Than show it!
Show me you wanna be my friend!
Don’t be rude, don’t ignore me, and don’t do things that may piss me off. 
Don’t be tellin’ me how I should be doin’ things.

Tuesday, January 1, 2002

Pain

 

How do you feel if you cut your leg,
or cracked your head like an egg?
In pain!
How would you feel if someone used your name in vain?
In pain!
How would you feel in a wreck so you get upset?
I'm in tremendous pain!
How'd you feel if somebody'd call you a name?
Person must be insane!
I'd be in fuckin' pain!
To be in pain would really hurt.
Hurt so damn bad!
I'm in so much pain!
My heart is in pain, I'm in vain!
I'm in so much damn pain!
Somebody help me.
I'm in pain!
Why?
I wish I could fly away
from all this shit - throw a fit!

LOVE THY LORD

 

I love thy lord,
so I'll never say by!
He is pretty cool
cause he ain't no fool!
Go swim in his pool.
You're a dwork if you
worship Satan
because he'll be faintin'
once the Christians
take care of his ass!
We'll all be the fast learners
who'll all be earners of the Christ
who'll pay the price
to live in heaven
a long time after they turn seven.
Jesus is no thief, yeah!
Love thy lord!

Monday, December 31, 2001

GREEN HEAVEN

i see lights of red
i see lights of green
i see lights of blue, i see you.
once, twice, maybe 4.
maybe, i see 2.
maybe, i see two.
don't know what i'm sayin'
but i just don't know
that i see lights flash
i have seen lights clash
all these party lights i sit in.
the purple haze of it all
the twinkle of the flashy one.
the egg that floats

what do i look at i just don't know.
it looks cool - that's all that shows.
when the smoke rushes through my lungs
i feel high but i just don't know.
i feel high but i just don't know.
i'm out of it,  all these lights just tell me so.
don't ever tell me no
because, as the smoke rushes through my lungs,
all i can say, is that's my day
i like it so.
i get high and it's like whoa.
don't ever tell me no.
i get happy and i transcend
i just leave this world.
feels like it's the end.
but it just depends.
i feel groovy.
the feelings i get are soothing.
all because the smoke led through my lungs
and the lights are all around
and all I hear are the strange crazy sounds.
i made nightly decisions.
to get high, every night.
just to enjoy these party lights
and the trancendental mood - it puts me through.

Sunday, October 21, 2001

SCIENCE AND RELIGION – CAN THEY CO-EXIST, AND DO SCIENTISTS BELIEVE IN GOD?

I do believe in God, and I also believe in science.

This all started when a co-worker was helping me down-stack a pallet, and I I was talking to somebody about predictions and Nostradamus. I have been doing a little bit of research on Nostradamus since September 11, because of something a class mate said to me when I was in High School. It started to make me wander if Nostradamus did really predict all the events that they say he predicted.

The co-worker was saying that Nostradamus didn’t predict the future, that he was a phony. He said that no one can predict the future. How does he know this? I told him it’s just like saying that aliens don’t exist, and he comes back saying they don’t. He said they don’t because it’s not mentioned in the bible. There are a lot of things not mentioned in the bible. Either because they were left out when the printings of today’s bible was made, or there were things God didn’t want us to find out about, but through the course of time we find out about them anyway. There is no scientific fact that they exist or not. Not even in the bible. That’s why aliens and predicting the future still remain a mystery.

I asked him, “If aliens don’t exist, than how come scientists are researching about them? Trying to find out if there is life on other planets.” He told me it was because scientists don’t believe in God. I just called him stupid, because any one who said something that dumb, must be pretty stupid. I work with a scientist who’s a devoted Christian. He’s an astronomer. I told the co-worker this, and he said that Astronomers aren’t scientists, and Astronomy isn’t a science. If it isn’t a science, than how come in schools all across the world, it’s classified as one. If you look up the word science in the dictionary, the definition is “Area of Knowledge That Is Object of Study.” Which includes Astronomy.

A lot of people don’t even think Theology (study of religion) is a science, but after reading that definition I find out that it is, and that Theologians (Theology scientists) Are the ones who study it. And most Theologians are religious people, otherwise they wouldn’t be studying Theology!

Science usually consists of four things: Matter, Space, Time, and Mystery. Any science you think of, it always consists of those four things.

As a matter of fact, my Earth Science teacher back in high school, was a Christian, and he was really into science. There was a few things he questioned though because of the religious beliefs and the scientists’ beliefs. I believe in God, but there are some things that scientists theorize on that are somewhat against religion, but I wander about it because religion and science both still remain a mystery.

One thing I question on is the big bang theory. The theory is basically saying, boom and the universe was there. The other day, I can see what they mean by that. I was pulling a cart of freight out, and a box with a bottle of ketchup in it hit the door and fell off and broke. It made a noise, and next thing I know, the ketchup was splattered everywhere. I can see where the scientists come up with that theory.

I see bumper stickers all over saying “The big bang theory did occur. God said let there be the world, and bang it happened.” I often sometimes wonder about that. In Genesis chapter 1, verse 1, it says: “In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth.” It doesn’t say that he said, ”Let there be the heaven and earth.” And then “BANG!” it happened, but that possibly can be what happened. He said it, and next thing you know there’s a loud boom and it happened.

Cloning is another thing I wander about. Somewhere in the bible it states that no one should play God. Will, you are playing God when you clone something, and in today’s world they’re basically finding out how to clone something, and someday probably figure out how to make a whole new creature from scratch.

And aliens are another thing. The bible doesn’t mention about aliens, or life on other planets, but it’s something we as humans all wander about. I mean, why would God only put life on this planet but not the others? When I was in the 7th grade, I was reading this book on UFOs and aliens, and it said that somebody’s theory on the aliens, is that they are humans from the future who live on another planet, because the earth would be unlivable in a thousand years or so, so we learn to build a new technology, and we find a new planet to live on and adapt to the environment (which would change the way humans look today), and the space aliens are from the future, visiting the old earth, but we (being from this planet) don’t think the future has gotten here yet. It’s a question of time. I don’t know if we’d ever find out how to time travel here on earth, but they always talk about what black holes can possibly do, and they think you can time travel if you go in a black hole. I read somewhere that the only way to time travel is to get faster than the speed of light, scientists haven’t figured that out yet, but I hope they do soon. I always wanted to time travel.

God is our holy father, which means he’s our parent. If he’s like all other parents, he’d let go of us and let us explore things in the world. Which is probably why a lot of stuff we find out about today isn’t mentioned in the bible, and we just found out about them through the course of time. I believe that a lot of scientists do believe in God. Even the ones who are researching on cloning, the big bang theory, and the aliens. You never know.

Science and religion do co-exist and scientists do believe in God, and anyone who says otherwise has a closed mind which is only open to religion, if it has to do with science, they don’t wanna hear about it and I think that they should open up there mind more, and wander about the mysteries of the universe.

Saturday, October 13, 2001

SEPTEMBER 11 BLUES

A day etched in history
A day freedom was attacked by freedom haters –
Where were you on this important day in history?

September 11, 2001 –
A date etched in history forever
A date that America changed forever
A date that put America in pain

Where were you on this sad and fateful day?
How much has it changed you?

Terrorists may have destroyed financial and military structures on this date in history
But they didn’t destroy the hearts and the spirits of Americans!
America will move on
And it has moved on

It has changed me forever
It has changed my thoughts and feelings of America
Did it change yours?

It has changed my thoughts and feelings on politics.
Did it change yours?

That day, I woke up to reality
That day, I started to grow up
That day, lifted me up spiritually and musically

September 11, 2001 –
It affected me a lot on that day
How much has it affected you?

Thursday, September 20, 2001

THE BALLAD OF OSAMA BIN LADEN

 

LAND OF THE FREE,
HOME OF THE BRAVE.
OSAMA, GO BACK TO YOUR CAVE!
I AIN’T GON’ LIVE MY LIFE NO OTHER WAY!
WHAT THE (explicit) DO YOU HAVE TO SAY?
YES, MUTHA-(explicit) YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO PAY!

YOU THROW PLANES INTO THE TWIN TOWERS,
MUTHA-(explicit), YOU’RE A COWARD!

I BET IF I HAD YOU AS SUPPER,
YOU’D TASTE SOUR, MAYBE LIKE SHIT!
BITCH, LISTEN TO ME A BIT!
YOU KILLED 5,000 INNOCENT VICTIMS,
POSSIBLY MORE!
THAT IS SOMETHING US AMERICANS CAN’T IGNORE!
YOU WANNA KILL?
THAN GO TO A STORE AND BUY A (explicit) DARTBOARD!

Sad Day - lyrics (song I wrote inspired by 9/11)

This was a song I wrote inspired by how I felt about the 9/11 terrorist attacks.

SAD DAY

(FREEDOM ITSELF WAS ATTACKED THIS MORNING,
BY A FACELESS COWARD,
AND FREEDOM WILL BE DEFENDED!)


WHY DID IT HAPPEN
IN THIS GREAT GREAT LAND OF OPPORTUNITY AND FREEDOM?
WHY DID IT HAPPEN
THAT WE HAD TO GET ATTACKED BY TERRORISM?
WHY DID IT HAPPEN
THAT OVER 5,000 PEOPLE DIED BECAUSE SOMEONE HAD A GRUDGE ON AMERICA?


NINE-ELEVEN-OH-ONE WILL BE A DAY THAT NO ONE WILL FORGET
IT’S A DAY THAT MADE EVERYONE UPSET.
BUSH IS DECLARING A WAR ON ALL TERRORISM,
AND I AM GLAD
BECAUSE WHAT OSAMA DID MADE ME REALLY MAD!


I NEVER FELT PATRIOTIC BEFORE NINE-ELEVEN-OH-ONE
IT’S SO VERY WEIRD HOW SAD THINGS MAKE A PERSON CHANGE


OSAMA THOUGHT HE KILLED THE SPIRIT OF AMERICA THAT DAY
WHEN HE DESTROYED THOSE BUILDINGS AND KILLED ALL THOSE PEOPLE.
HE DIDN’T REALIZE THAT AMERICA
ISN’T ABOUT BUILDINGS OR ECONEMY
IT’S ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO LIVE THERE, FREEDOM, AND OPPORTUNITY

OSAMA NEVER KILLED OUR SPIRIT THAT DAY,
HE STRENGTHENED IT.
USA IS UNITED AS ONE.
UNITED WE STAND, DEVIDED WE FALL.
AS ONE, OSAMA WILL FALL
BECAUSE OF THE ACT OF EVIL, TERRORISM
THAT HE COMMITTED ON OUR GREAT NATION


WE WILL GO TO WAR, FIGHT THE LONG HARD WAR,
AMERICA’S NEW WAR.
THE ONE AGAINST ALL TERRORISM
AND IN THE END, WE WILL WIN
THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA WILL NOT PUT UP
WITH THESE TREMENDOUS ACTS OF EVIL!
WE WILL NOT FALTER, WE WILL NOT FAIL, BUT WE WILL WIN!!


(USA, USA, USA!!)


(THOUGH I WALK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH,
I FEAR NO EVIL BECAUSE GOD IS WITH ME!)

Saturday, September 15, 2001

DID NOSTRADAMUS PREDICT SEMPTEMBER 11?

I personally am not into Nostradamus at all. But after reading an article about the so-called prediction of last Tuesday's events, and somebody mention something happening in New York City 2001 back when I was in High school in 1999, I remembered what they were saying, so I was put in shock. So I decided to do some research to see if maybe the prophecy could be true or untrue, because I know for a fact, that since Nostradamus wrote the prophecies in numerous languages, that they could have been misread, and maybe it could be a lie and meaning something else. I have spent 3 hours online today doing research, and I found out that the Nostradamus prediction of 9/11 sent out on the Internet have been altered. People adding their own words to it, or changing it to mean what happened 9/11 and taking other prophecies and combining them. Here's what those prophecies passing around on the Internet might look like (in "is the so-called prophecy):

"In the City of God there will be a great thunder,
Two brothers torn apart by Chaos,
while the fortress endures,
the great leader will succumb,
The third big war will begin when the big city is burning"
-Nostradamus 1654

But of course anyone who knows that Nostradamus died in 1566, knows that for a fact that Nostradamus couldn't have wrote that in 1654. How could he when he is dead? So that wasn't his writing. So it's a fake. That isn't all. Here's Another fake:

"On the 11th day of the 9 month,
two metal birds will crash into two tall statues
in the new city,
and the world will end soon after."

When I was doing my research, I found that this was all bogus. A more enhanced version of the above was floating around on the net:

"And Nostradamus predicted this (who knows how long ago):
In the year of the new century and nine months,
From the sky will come a great King of Terror.
The sky will burn at forty-five degrees.
Fire approaches the great new city
In the city of York there will be a great collapse,
2 twin brothers torn apart by chaos
while the fortress falls;
the great leader will succumb;
third big war will begin when the big city is burning"

My research strictly said this wasn't true. The theories people think is that 45 degrees is the position the place is at on the globe. It couldn't be New York, because I read in some more research that New York sits on 40 degrees. But the exact location is 40.5 degrees. Coincidence? I think so. It also says that the city is burning. The whole city is burning. I don't know. The whole city isn't burning at all. Just the world trade center.

I am scared that I think the war we are about to go into is going to be the beginning of Armageddon because people have always stated that the war of Armageddon is a different kind of war. And if it is the war of Armageddon, I was told by a real religious person that I work with that it would be peace worldwide at the end of it.

According to what the news has been saying is that Bush is declaring war against all of the terrorists worldwide. And that he was gonna rid the world of all evil. I don't know if I believe in predictions, ghosts, or aliens at all because of the fact that it all is a big mystery. Those mysteries remain the biggest mystery in the world along with the mystery of God.

I heard somewhere that the Antichrist that comes back in the book of revelation is the 3rd Antichrist, here is an unaltered Nostradamus prophecy of the 3 Antichrists. I'm not sure if they were unaltered or not, but I found out through my research that the article I got these prophecies from was a paper a college student did back in 1993. I'm not gonna copy the whole article, just the prophecies, and who they are thought to be. If you want to read the whole article go to: http://boisdarc.tamucommerce.edu/www/w/willmc/nostra.htm.

The first Antichrist prophecy:

An Emperor shall be born near Italy.
Who shall cost the Empire dear,
They shall say, with what people he keeps company
He shall be found less a Prince than a butcher.

From a simple soldier he will rise to the empire,
From the short robe he will attain the long.
Great swarms of bees shall arise.

A great troop shall come through Russia.
The destroyer shall ruin a city.

The rear guard will make defense.
The exhausted ones will die in the white territory.

The great Empire will soon be exchanged for a small place.
Which will soon begin to grow.
A small place of tiny area in the middle of which
He will come to lay down his scepter.

The captive prince, conquered, is sent to Elba;
He will sail across the Gulf of Genoa to Marseilles.
By a great effort of the foreign forces he is overcome,
Though he escaped the fire, his bees yield blood by the barrel.

(This is supposedly the Emperor Napoleon.)

The Second Antichrist prophecy:

Out of the deepest part of the west of Europe,
From poor people a young child shall be born,
Who with his tongue shall seduce many people,
His fame shall increase in the Eastern Kingdom.

He shall come to tyrannize the land.
He shall raise up a hatred that had long been dormant.
The child of Germany observes no law.
Cries, and tears, fire, blood, and battle.

A captain of Germany shall come to yield himself by false hope,
So that his revolt shall cause great bloodshed.

Beasts wild with hunger will cross the rivers
The greater part of the battlefield will be against Hister

Near the Rhine from the Austrian Mountains
Will be born a great man of the people, come too late.
A man who will defend Poland and Hungary
And whose fate will never be certain

(This is supposedly referring to Adolf Hitler, dictator of Germany to WW2. The name being predicted as to be "Hister" was off by a letter or 2!!!)

Now the most shocking, the 3rd predicted antichrist. According to Nostradamus, the 1st two were predicted to be evil. Which they were. The 3rd was predicted to be more evil than the first 2 by Nostradamus:

Out of the country of Greater Arabia
Shall be born a strong master of Mohammed...
He will enter Europe wearing a blue turban.
He will be the terror of mankind.
Never more horror.

In the year 1999 and seven months
From the sky will come the great King of Terror.
He will bring back to life the King of the Mongols;
Before and after war reigns.

The war will last seven and twenty years

The sky will burn at forty-five degrees.
Fire approaches the great new city

By fire he will destroy their city,
A cold and cruel heart,
Blood will pour,
Mercy to none

When those of the Northern Pole are united,
In the East will be great fear and dread...
One day the two great leaders will be friends;
Their great powers will be seen to grow.
The New Land will be at the height of its power:
To the man of blood the number is reported

This is first believed to be Sadaam Hussein. But no one's for sure. Another theory (one I came up with) is it be the culprit behind last Tuesday's events, Osama Bin Ladin. The terrorist in Afghanistan. He was born in Saudi Arabia!!! The person behind the worst event to ever happen in the USA. The prophecy states the war starts in July, 1999 in Europe. Was there any events that happened in Europe in July 1999? I don't know because I wasn't paying much attention to the news at that time. It also states that the war will last 7 and 20 years. This could mean "between 7 and 20 years." According to the book of revelation, the war of Armageddon lasts for 7 years. According to president Bush the war we're going into can last years. It also states that the sky will burn at 45 degrees and fire approaches the great new city. Supposedly "new" is not referring to a new city, but to a city that has the word "new" in it. They say it's New York City. But 45 degrees is inaccurate, because according to my research, New York doesn't lie on 45 degrees. But it does lie on 40.5 degrees!!! The fire that approached could be the fire that occurred after the twin towers fell down. The next phrase I don't know about. A fire didn't destroy the city. He did destroy the hearts of America though, but we got back up on our feet. He does have a cold and cruel heart, there were a lot of murders in the plane wrecks that day. That's why they say it was worse than pearl harbor. The line "Mercy to none" I can't really come up with a theory for. Bush isn't wanting to show mercy to any terrorist. He is wanting to rid the world of terrorists and evil. I think that's what it means. The last phrase I don't know anything about but it could be the future. But one thing I know is that Nostradamus didn't do his predictions from the bible he did them from his head. And apparently a lot of his predictions have actually occurred but than a lot of them haven't.

Did Nostradamus predict any of these events? Is this "New War" against terrorists the beginning of the end (ie, the 7 year war of armegeddon read about in the book of revelation)? They say the world will end or begin to end when there's no fighting in the world, and everybody gets along.

Bush was saying he's wanting to rid the world of Terrorism and evil. Could this in fact be the time we were all waiting for? The time we were all hoping we wouldn't be around to see? The time of Armegeddon?

Another thing to think about: I heard somewhere that every 1000 years something religious happens.

1000 years and Noah's ark
1000 years (can't remember this event, but I heard it somewhere)
1000 years and Jesus Christ
1000 years and Christian Crusades
1000 years from than is the year 2001. This year.

On another note, the middle east have been in a religious war for quite some time, and the war of Armageddon happens at a time when the world is full of different religions and beliefs, there would be a lot of violence going on before hand, and you do not see the war coming. there have been a lot of violence in the past 10 years, all kinds of religious beliefs in USA and the rest of the world, and we didn't see what happened last Tuesday coming at all.

The president also said to prepare for the worst. That's what they always said about the beginning of Armageddon to prepare for the worst.

Could this really be the end of the world as we know it? Should the people straying away from God get back into church? I think so, which means that I should.

I AM NOT a prophet. I cannot foresee or predict the future at all. I can tell you one thing and it probably won't happen. I just believe this because of what I have read, and heard about in the news all week, and what I heard 2 years ago and what not. But I feel, within my heart and soul, that this is it!!! The big one!!!! The war of all wars!!! World War 3!!! The war of Armegeddon(someone on CNN today, some military person, said that he called it ww3, even though it isn't countries against countries, it's countries against people. but since it's against a group of people world wide and the countries, it should be known as a world war. World War 3!!! As the saying goes "the 3rd time's the charm" which would mean "the 3rd time's the charm for world peace!"

I think it's really time to prepare for the worst. I was talking to some people at work last night, and they believe the same way. That this is the Armageddon. And if it isn't, it's the beginning of the Armageddon.

My Mom and I were talking about Tuesday's events 3 days ago and we weren't talking about the religious aspect of it. But she did say that Tuesday's events we never thought we'd see in our lifetime. What is the main thing people think they won't see in their lifetime? The battle of Armageddon the end of the world.

Thursday, September 13, 2001

HOW MUCH HAVE YOU CHANGED SINCE 9/11/01?

I remember before the tragic events of September 11, I was never patriotic at all.  I never really owned an American flag, and I never was in a hurry to get one.  I also took advantage America's freedom.

I remember how much I hated politics and politicians.  I always felt they were liars and cheats.  I didn't like Clinton, not because he was morally wrong, but because he lied about what he did.  So what if he had sexual affairs with someone else.  If the public finds out about it, he shouldn't lie about it.  That's a way to lose the public's trust in someone.  I also read somewhere that Lyndon Johnson was the president that started sending troops over to Vietnam which I read was a war that American Troops shouldn't have fought in the first place.  Richard Nixon was good at ending that war, but than he steals from Watergate in the Watergate Scandal.  So I guess you could see why I was never into politics, they just always seemed to be up to no good.

I'm only 21, so the only war I've been through was the Gulf War (which I hardly knew anything about.  I just knew that Sudaam Hussein, who hates America, was involved and that it was fought over oil).  I was 13 when the first bombing at the world trade center occured, I was 15 when the bombing of the federal building in Oklahoma City happened, and I was still young and dumb (I cared but not as much) when those kids shot up their schools.  I cared about those tragic events, but after the reporters stories on them were over, I turned the other way like they never happened.  Not concerned by it at all.  As a matter of fact, I made jokes a lot about violence like that.

       That all changed after september 11.  I may be 21, but it wasn't until then when I woke up to the reality of how horrible this world can be.

When I first heard about the tragic event (I was chatting with someone online, they told me about it so I turned on the TV) I didn't think of the people at first, I'm into marvelous looking structures, so of course I thought of the building first.  I didn't know what to think when I saw Bush come on and announce that it was a terrorist attack on the country.  I was saddened about it yes, but not as much.  But Bush caught my attention because of how good of a speaker he is.  He helped me realize what was going on was horrible.

I didn't start to care about what went on until the next day.  My mom and I were going to the dentist.  I heard a country song by Dwight Yokam that was mixed with sound bites from the day before.

My mom and I were talking, and a sound bite came on about donating blood.  She was saying we should go donate, and I said I would, but I can't stand needles.  She told me it'd be for a good cause, which I already knew and I told her that. 

That night I went into work.  Later on that night I was thinking about the events and the victims.  And I was feeling really depressed.  I felt bad that I didn't donate blood at all.  I felt that I needed to do something to help the victims out.  The next day Walmart (where I work) started taking up money donations to help the victims out and the rescue efforts.  I donated a whole 50 dollars that night!!  And I am still donating money every chance I get!

I also wanted to get an American flag that night.  But they were all sold out (of course).  By the end of the week, I went to crafts and bought some red, white, and blue ribbons and had a CSM friend of mine make up some ribbons to wear.  I wanted to promote how I felt about the country now.  If I knew the colors to promote my feelings about the victims I'd be wearing those too.  Some of the ribbons I had the CSM make were sold for $1.00 each (proceeds going toward the relief funds).

When we started getting some patriotic stuff in, I bought a patriotic t-shirt, license plates, bumper stickers, and some small flags.  Waiting to get a bigger flag.  We haven't had any of those in for a while.  once we get the big ones in we sell out in 5 to 10 minutes!

Whenever I see Bush on TV or the radio giving a speech, I listen.  I want to hear him speak.  Out of all the politicians I couldn't stand, he changed my mind on the world of politics.  Now I think I'll go register so I can vote for him in 2004!  All the things he says America's gonna do in this new war, I agree with.  I CAN NOT STAND TERRORISTS 100%.  Get rid of them all.  First starting with the Al Quada network, the one behind the tragic events of September 11, lead by Osama Bin Laden (Get Him, Bush!!)  I think it was a good idea for Bush to declare war against the taliban, and when he did he also said we were gonna drop food supplies to the Afghan refugees to show how much America cares.  Some people thought that was a bad idea.  I didn't.  That's one of the best ideas I ever heard from an American president!

Now-a-days, I don't take advantage of my freedom.  Four words said by Bush on September 11, I will never forget.  "FREEDOM WILL BE DEFENDED."  I saw that on a license plate.  I bought it and I put it on my mom's van for her birthday.

I don't think I ever listened or cared much for patriotic tunes (no matter who is singing them) until that tragic day either.  Now my favorite tune (mixed with september 11 sound bites) is "God Bless The USA" by Lee Greenwood.  Every time I hear that song (even the original mix) it puts tears in my eyes.

I don't know what my favorite symbol was before, but now it's the statue of liberty or the bald eagle.  One of my favorite pictures (got a copy of it on my computer) is one that's been getting around on the net a lot, it's the one picture that has the bald eagle with a tear in his eye, and the New York City skyline behind him.  I think it shows an American flag on it too.

So in closing, how much have you changed since 9/11/01?  I conclude I have changed a whole lot since that day.  And a lot of people do see the change.  I wonder how much the rest of America has changed.

Freedom was attacked by a faceless coward wanting to kill innocent people to show his hatred on America.  That day he thought he'd kill our spirits by destroying two buildings of importance to America.

He didn't realize that the spirit of America isn't buildings or people in general.  The spirit of America deals with freedom, and it will be defended!  This is a new kind of war in America.  Where a country doesn't have to surrender to another, but a group of people have to surrender.  The terrorists.  Who can be hiding anywhere in the world.  Somewhat In the words of George W. Bush, "This is a new kind of war in America.  It won't be an easy war.  It will be a hard war.  And it will be a long war, will last for possibly years.  And in the end we will not lose.  We will not fail.  WE WILL WIN THIS NEW WAR ON AMERICA!!  Freedom Will Be Defended!"

Friday, March 23, 2001

Jeremy Diss

 

(During my early 20s, I lived the wigger-wannabe lifestyle and wrote a few raps during this period of my life and I used to work for walmart.  one of my co-workers there bet me thinking they could write a better rap, I apparently won because he never wrote one - this is what I wrote for the contest)

(VERSE 1:)
U SPIT OUT LINES SAYIN' I WREAK O' SUCK-O-CITY
WHILE I SPIT OUT RHYMES SAYIN' U WREAK O' GENEROSITY
IF U CAME TO MY CITY,
U WOULDN'T B DISSIN' PEOPLE LIKE ME
I'M SORRY JEREMY,
BUT DAT'S DA WAY IT HAS GOT TO BE
U AIN'T NUTTIN' BUT A MANAGER WANNABE
U THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME?
HA!  WE'LL SEE!
U THINK U GOT RHYMIN' SKILLS?
GET REAL,
CUZ I DON'T FEEL YA!
U MITE MARRY A BITCH TRAMP NAMED CICILLIA!

(VERSE 2:)
U ONLY CARE ABOUT YOURSELF
U CAN'T EVEN PUT THE FREIGHT ON THE SHELF
TELLIN' ME DAT I'M TOO SLOW
AND DAT I CAN'T FLOW
SO?
I KNOW THA TRUTH
I MAY STOCK THA JUICE
AND MOST TIMES I GET DONE BEFORE U
SO U BEST QUIT FRONTIN' IF U KNOWS WHAT'S GOOD 4 U

(VERSE 3:)
YOU'RE SINGIN'S 2 BAD 2 HEAR
WHAT?  U THINK WE'RE GLAD 2 HEAR?
NO, WE'RE MAD TO HEAR
WE DON'T WANT U 2 SING 2 US IN HERE
GO OUT THERE!
U DISS ME CUZ I CAN'T DRIVE
SO WHAT
AT LEAST I TAKE PRIDE TO WHAT I DO
Y DON'T I DISS U 4 DAT TOO
U DON'T TAKE PRIDE IN WHAT U DO.
YOUR ZONIN'?
IT WREAKS, IT STINKS, IT EVEN SCARES THE FREAKS
I THINK U NEED 2 C A SHRINK

(VERSE 4:)
U LIKE A JOCK & A PREP
NUTTIN' WORSE THAN A JOCK & A THREAT
U TELL ME I WREAK AT EVERYTHING
DAT I AM NON-TALENTED
DAT I DON'T HAVE ANY SKILLZ TO PAY ANY BILLS
YOUR PEOPLE AND I JUST DON'T GET ALONG
THEY ALL THINK I'M ALL WRONG
WHEN 4 REAL I'M RITE
DAT'S WHEN I TELL 'EM ALL TO BITE ME
'CUZ WHO IS DA ONE
WHO WANNABE RAPPER M.C?
BY GOD I THINK IT BE ME
DA G 2 DA C
SO JEREMY, REMEMBER
CUZ 20 YEARS FROM NOW U AIN'T GETTIN' MY MON-EY
CUZ U HAVE REALLY BEEN DIS-SIN ME
NOW U HAVE TO CONFESS DAT I WON THIS 'LIL CONTEST
SO U BEST QUIT BEIN' A PEST AND GIMME MY 20!

Sunday, September 17, 2000

THE COPYCAT BOMBER

 

(I’m not too sure what anyone else would think of this story.  There was a lot of stories and talk about Ted Kazinski, the Uni-Bomber during the late 1990s, so I decided to write a story inspired by the uni-bomber case).


    Joe Atwell was an average guy.  He had things going for him.  He was a 30 year old college professor who taught computer programming at the University of Arkansas in Fayetteville.  Everybody who knew him, loved him. 


    Then one day something happened that would change his life forever.  His assistant John Cale gave him a package that was shoe box sized.  The package had no return address.


    They both were looking at it and wandering about it.  “What could it be?”  Asked Joe.  “I don’t know.”  Said John.  “It can’t be a pair of shoes.  Who would send a professor shoes?”


“Well…Maybe it’s a bomb!”  John said Jokingly.  “Get real, John!  Everybody loves me.  Who in this world would send me a bomb?”  Joe said.


“Don’t worry than.  It could just be a surprise package from a secret admirer I guess.” Said John.


    Little did they know was that the package they were looking at was a surprise package.  Joe opened up the box and before he knew it, a big humongous blast blew half the room away.  John went to get help but by the time help arrived it was too late.  Joe Atwell died instantly.  It became the first killing of the copycat bomber.  When the FBI got to the scene they didn’t find much that could be used as evidence except remains of the bomb and a piece of cardboard with 2 letters carved into it: J.A.  Ever since the bombing the University of Arkansas hasn’t been the same.

   
    Ted Kazynski was sitting up on his bed in his jail cell looking at the cover of a newspaper. 


Ted has been imprisoned for about 3 years and is now on Death Row for his bombings.  The headline on the paper read: “U of A Explosion, 1 Dies.”


    Ted read the article and realizes someone is copy-catting him.  He looks up from the paper and says to himself, “Hello.  I’m Ted Kazynski.  What you have just seen was not one of my works.  What you have seen was the work of someone copy-catting me.  The work of a copycat bomber.  Who is it?  I don’t know.  Not anybody I know because I don’t know anyone!”  He then laid down and went to sleep.


    James Alco was sitting in his room.  He turned his voice changer on, pressed record on his micro-cassette recorder and started talking.


    “Date: June 1st, 1999.  The first bombing was successful.  Professor Atwell died instantly.  I am in the process of making my next bomb.  I plan on planting it in a pilot’s seat of an airline.  This bomb is equipped with a wireless remote control that I could set the bomb off with.”

   
I just got passed the security at the airport.  I am going on a trip to Phoenix to visit some family I have there.  I had a book in my hand and I had my bag on my back, and my ticket to Phoenix, Arizona.  I was almost late for the plane so I started running.  On my way to the plane I ran into a pilot of an airline I work for.  His name is Michael Engell Schmitz. 


“Hey, Joe.  What’s your hurry?”  He asked me.  “I don’t wanna miss my plane to Phoenix, sir.  I’m going their to visit some family I haven’t seen in 10 years.  It leaves in 10 minutes.”  I said.


“Will, have fun.”  He said to me.  I got on the plane and took a seat by a window.  I couldn’t wait to get to Phoenix for the first time in 10 years.  I will be staying with my uncle Aaron Lowell.  When I took my seat the stewardess went through the usual routine at the beginning of the flight (I would know, because I’m a steward myself!).


Michael Engell Schmitz got onto his plane and got in the pilot’s seat.  He has always been talking to me about getting a different route.  He was sick of Dallas so his boss changed his route.  This time he’s flying to DC.


While he’s going to DC, I’m going to Phoenix.  Our planes are now both in the sky.  I decided to sleep for an hour.


When I woke up from my rest I wanted to listen to some music so I took out my walkman, and I put a Beatles tape in.  I pressed the play button and started listening to the sweet music. 


Little did I know was that the plane Michael was flying to DC explodes in the middle of the sky.  Half the pilot’s cabin was not there.  The co-pilot took over the controls and safely landed the plane in a small Virginian city.  Luckily it was only Michael who got killed.  The police were suspicious so they called the FBI.


The FBI came in to investigate.  They found the remains of the bomb and a computer chip with the letters “M.E.S” carved into it.  John Dickens looked at it.  “What the hell is M.E.S?”  He said to himself.


The FBI sat down at a rectangular table in their meeting room in DC.  “Guys, we got 2 bombings.  One in a university, one in a plane.  Both the bombs had letters carved in something.  On the bomb at the U of A we found the letters J.A. carved into cardboard.  In the plane bombing we found a computer chip with the letters M.E.S. carved into it.  Any of you guys have any ideas on what it could mean?”  John had asked. 
“What?”  James said looking at John.  “Do you think they’re both connected?  How?”
“Because their were letters found at the scene, dumbshit!”  John said.
“Will, it can be that small town in Montana.”  Said James.  “Not a bad idea said John.


The plane finally reached Sky Harbor International Airport in Phoenix.  I got my bag and my book and started getting off the plane.  My uncle will be picking me up.  I can’t wait to see him. 

He met me at the terminal door.  We started talking.
“So how’s life treating ya’?”  He asked me.  “Will.”  I said.  “How’s the Sqaw Peak Parkway coming?”  I asked him.  “Real slow.”  He said to me.


We kept on talking until we got to his house.  When we got to his house I turned on the TV to watch the news.  A TV anchor came on.


“In National News today, a plane was almost blown to bits in Virginia.  Pilot Michael Engell Schmitz died.”
“Oh my god!”  I said.


The FBI were really investigating this case now.  They brought in veteran bomb expert Joe Schmitzell.  Joe dealt with the Unabomber case for 20 years.  After seeing the last 2 bombings he expects it to be the work of a copycat bomber. 


He was looking at pictures and evidence sitting on the table.  He is talking to the FBI agents sitting around the table.  “Look, folks.  I think we have a copy cat bomber on our hands.”


“Why do you think that?”  Asked Mr. Dickens.  “Because, John, the Unabomber’s first 2 bombs were at a university and an airline.  He always left letters behind.


James was sitting in his room putting the finishing touches on his 3rd bomb.  He was going to place it on the Arizona State University campus somewhere.  He pressed record on his recorder.
“Date: June 10, 1999.  My 2nd bomb was successful.  Michael Schmitz died.”


I was on my way to the ASU campus.  My uncle works today.  My uncle teaches chemistry at ASU.  I turned on my rented car’s stereo and blasted a Will Smith song. 
I had my bag in the passenger’s seat and the top of my car was down.  I finally got to my uncle’s school.  I found a good parking space and parked there.  I got my bag, which has my uncle’s lunch in it, and started walking.


Little did I know, there was a bomb in my uncle’s locker.  I went to my uncle’s room to give him his lunch.  After that I left to go back to his house.


After his next class was over he went to his locker to get something.  He opens up his locker .  He noticed a small package.  He took it out and started looking at it.
He opens it up and it blows up in his face.  That was the last time I heard from my uncle.
The FBI came in to investigate…again.  They found yet another clue: The letters A.L.  carved in a piece of wood.  The FBI was stunned.


“One bomb goes off at the University of Arkansas, another in a plane during flight, and another on the Arizona State University campus.  Letters are left behind.  J.A.M.E.S.A.L.  Who will die next?”  Asked John.


James had just got back from the teacher’s locker area.  He had a typed note in his hand.  “John, I found this where the bomb exploded.  It says, ‘Sir, You were a good man.  J.A.’”  James read.  Joe was hearing all this.  “This guy is definitely obsessed with the unabomber because everything that this guy is doing  is unabomber reenactments: bombings at universities, planes, notes left behind, letters of the alphabet left behind.  There’s only one difference:  They’re not all the same letters.”


“Yeah.  That’s right.  What are all the letters, anyway?”  Asked John.  James pulled out the cardboard chip and cardboard and looked at them.  “Let’s see.”  He said putting them together.  “J.A.M.E.S. and the new one A.L.  Now it’s J.A.M.E.S.A.L…James Al?  Huh?”
“Who’s James Al?”
“Maybe it’s 2 people.”
The FBI was piecing the puzzle together.  What they couldn’t understand is why did the copycat bomber bomb Arkansas, a plane, and then Arizona?  Could that mean he’s traveling?
John was wandering what the letters meant.  “These are the initials of the victims.  Do they actually mean anything?”


James was in his room.  He talked into his recorder.
“Date: June 20, 1999.  My 3rd bomb was successful.  My 4th bomb will probably be my last.  The president of ‘Smith Airlines’ will receive it.”


The president of Smith Airlines lives here in Phoenix.  I decided to go pay him a visit.  I drove to his office which is on Broadway somewhere.  He was not there so I went back to my uncle’s house preparing to go back to Arkansas next week.


The president of Smith Airlines, Chris Oliver, got back to his office.  He got out of his car and noticed a small item next to his car.  It looked like a block with nails in it.  He picked it up to examine it.  It blew up in his face and killed him. 


The FBI was there instantly.  “I am sick of these bombings!”  Said John.  “Same here.”  Said James.  Joe found a piece of paper laying on the ground.  It said, “C.O. and that’s it.” 
“John, read this.”  Joe said handing the note to John.  John read it.  “What’s this supposed to mean?”
“I don’t know”
“Wait a minute, Joe.  Let’s put the pieces together.  J.A.M.E.S.A.L.C.O.  James Alco!!  That’s it!!  That’s our copycat bomber!!”  John said.  James looked at him.  “Who’s James Alco?”
“He used to work for the FBI about a year ago.  We fired him because he made all kinds of threats.  He was working on the Ted Kazynski case.  He changed his name after he got fired though.  Lord knows what it is now.”  John said.  “John, this came for you.”  Said John’s secretary handing him a package.  It was a box.  John opened it up.  It was a bomb, but luckily it was a dud.  They could’ve died!!


It’s real hard to get a person’s new name, and finding out where they live so the copycat bomber is still out there and he will strike again!!  Who do you think he/she is?  It has to be anybody who is still alive.  It could be me, you (the reader), or it could be anybody mentioned in this story who is still alive!!!!

Sunday, June 11, 2000

All My Life

ALL MY LIFE,
I WAS TREATED LIKE HELL.
PEOPLE TREATING ME LIKE SHIT,
SO I JUST FELL.

DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WIT IT,
WAS NEVER TAUGHT!
DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO FIGHT,
WAS NEVER TAUGHT!
PLUS THE CONSEQUENCES,
WHAT IF WE WAS CAUGHT?

ALL MY LIFE,
I WAS ALWAYS LAST IN LINE (IF EVER).
PEOPLE TREATING ME LIKE I SUCK AT EVERYTHING
(DO ME A FAVOR)
GO TO HELL!

EVERY JOB I HAD,
IT SEEMED LIKE A CONTEST, AND I DO MY BEST
BUT IT NEVER WAS GOOD ENOUGH
IT SEEMED LIKE MANAGEMENT WAS SAYIN’,
“TOUGH, KID.  YOU’RE STUCK AT DA BOTTOM”

AFTER TWENTY YEARS, I CHANGE MY LIFESTYLE
BECAUSE I GAVE UP ON THE WORLD,
NEXT THING I KNOW, I WOULD’VE HAD A CHANCE
IF I DIDN’T GIVE UP,
I BLEW IT!

IF IT WASN’T FOR THE PAIN I DEALT WIT,
I WOULD’VE STAYED DA SAME AS I WAS
BUT I CHANGED ALL BECAUSE
OF THE HELL THAT DIS GOD-DAMN WORLD GAVE ME!