An Introvert Just Looking For Real Love And Acceptance

I don’t understand life. there’s people out there who are able to get what they want and than there are those who just get out of life whatever is given to them.  I just get whatever is given to me, but does it make me successful or happy?  Not
really.  I’m told I can be a negative person and pessimistic – but I don’t think of myself as a negative or pessimistic person at all.  I just can’t handle certain things in life because how my brain works or because of how I was generally treated by others throughout life.

I was harassed from elementary school through my first year in high school.  None of the kids I went to school with bothered getting to know me, I was somehow different so I was the one they chose to harass.  I made a couple friends just so they can turn around and stab me in the back – being friends one day and the next treat me like shit.  I had one friend pass around a rumor at school (a very sick one at that) and the harassment just got worse because of it.  To this day any friends I make I feel I have to screen because of it.  I can’t trust a single soul.  It’s very
hard for me to earn anyone’s trust.  One friend I had for four years thought it would be a great idea to charge my phone and debit card up $1200!  Another person, who I didn’t really know, tried to be my friend after breaking into my
apartment and stealing about $1000 worth of stuff I had!  One day after work, when I used to work for Wal-Mart, I had 4 people over for a little get together – one of them left with 3 of my CDs.  So it’s hard for me to trust anyone.  When I was growing up, the harassment got so bad that when I got off the school bus I literally ran from the bus to my house.  While all the other kids hung out in their little groups I was the one left out of everything, all because of all the harassment.

My dad wasn’t any help either.  Always giving me this “if I can do it, so can
you” attitude – I’m sorry, but just because one person can doesn’t mean others
can too.  Everyone’s brains function differently.  When I was in school, I was
a special ed student and my grades weren’t great, but they were decent – I was
probably a C average, but in the 10^th grade I was taken out of special ed and put in regular ed.  I did fine my 10^th grade year, but in 11^th grade my grades
started falling and I ended up graduated a D average student.  That wasn’t due to any laziness, that was due to me not being able to grasp any of the things being taught to me.  Because of this, after graduation I decided I was through with school, and we live in an era where without any degree you can’t get a job doing what you want you want to do – unless you are in the right place at the right time, so within the last 5 years I thought of going back to school because I hear how different college is compared to high school, but is it really all that different when you still got to take math, English and science for your associate’s degree?

It even took me 6 years until I finally passed my written test for the driver’s learner’s permit – and that was because they made the test very easy to pass.  But here it is, I’m now 29 and I’m still working on getting my driver’s license.  It’d be nice to get a degree in something, but why do I need to bother with math and English courses when those are the things that I never could grasp? And then the money involved to go – I tried to apply for a pell grant one time and all I got was $1000 for one year.  Where is that going to get me? I can apply for a student loan, however after you graduate you got start paying that back – how is that going to be possible when you’re not even guaranteed a job using your degree when you get out of school?

I would ask my dad for help sometimes – whether it was to move to phoenix because I had nothing going for me where I was living at, or when I got brochures in the mail for a school I was interested in, and he would just sit back and laugh at me.  I wouldn’t have asked him for help if I had the necessary money to do things myself.

And because of my harassment issues it’s extremely hard for me to meet anyone.  How am I supposed to meet anyone and make friends or potential wife if I can’t trust nobody or if I’m afraid that they might turn me away and make me feel hurt again?  The internet became a powerful tool for me, because with the internet I was able to approach people I didn’t know with a conversation, and they wouldn’t turn you away because through the internet it’s all about conversation and not how you look or dress.  If it weren’t for the internet, my wife and I
would have never even met.  We met through a friend of hers that I talked to online, and after 4 years of marriage, she wants to call it quits.  She thinks I’m some sort of asshole, when come to think about it I never was truly an asshole towards her – but she thinks I’m one because of the thoughts her mom and friends put into her head, and so now I’m being pushed back on the singles market again and I don’t want to be.  A lot of people seem to think the world of being single, but those people probably partied there ass off and visited friends all the time during their single life, trust me – my single life wasn’t glamourous.  If I wasn’t working I was at home – no friends to go see.  Why did I not have any friends to go see?  Because no one would try to be my friend.  So I would go home every day after work and cry myself to sleep – living by myself, not having a thing to look forward to – just living day to day.  It even got so bad where I had dreams where I slashed myself.  When my wife and I met, I felt like I had something to look forward to finally, and now 4 years later she is about to push me back into that single life where I got to try and meet someone again?  This ain’t right!  It is extremely hard for me to meet anybody because of issues I dealt with in the past.

I don’t want to feel rejected.  And it is best to not look for that new special someone until I’m over my current relationship – however that can be a year, or even worse – forever.  I can’t be left alone.  Not after what I experienced before I met danele.   That period in my life was just horrible, and I can’t go back to that, but since it’s hard for me to meet anybody I never have many friends to even see so of course I’ll be going back to that lifestyle. And yet, danele doesn’t show any care or concern in the world for my well being.  After she called it quits I mentioned that I can’t be alone and her attitude towards it was basically, “so? What do you want me to do about it?” – not in those words, but that’s the attitude she was putting off.  All I can think about are our memories we have – those are my most cherished memories ever, and ever since the break-up was first mentioned about a month ago I’ve been in a state of depression and she treats every thing like it’s all hunky dory.  But I don’t want to be back on the market again – it’s just too damn hard for me to meet anybody.  I can meet a girl I may be interested in, but I would never take the chance or initiative to ask that girl
out because I’m afraid I’ll just get rejected and just hurt again.

Just like taking the initiative in business – you got to apply yourself and sell yourself in order to get a position anywhere in life, yet because of my problems with dealing with people I don’t do so well in this department either.

I see a lot of people in their mid to late 20s and it’s just depressing.  They have their families they support (kids and wife that is) and successful careers, or at least a girlfriend that they spend most of their time with, and I have nothing.  She wants to leave me because of how I am, yet she knew how I was when she got into the marriage.  What was she expecting? That I would turn into an outgoing person or something?  I am an introvert, and I’m not an introvert by choice, I was forced into being an introvert by the things I dealt with in life.

I’m sick of life’s unfairness.  When will it be my turn?   When will it finally be my turn to be happy? When will it be my turn to feel successful?  Some people will tell me I have to take some initiative in life to be successful and happy but how can I take any kind of initiative when I feel like I’m just going to get hurt again in the process?  I try not to think about it, but than I remember things I dealt with in the past and than I back out of situations.

I am 29 years old.  I am sick and tired of waiting for good things to happen.  Good things happen to those who wait – but how long do I have to wait?  How long do I have to wait until I feel like I am truly happy?  How long do I have to wait until I meet that right girl who truthfully accepts me for me? With the obvious problems I have and all?  Danele obviously didn’t accept me for me, which is kind of shitty on her part because she made a promise to me on our wedding day to stick by my side no matter what – you know that whole ‘through sickness and in health’ talk. Yet, she obviously didn’t accept me for me if she wants to call it quits.

I don’t think I’d be the negative person that I am if life dealt me different cards than the ones that were dealt me.  There’s some people I see or meet and I think
to myself, “I would die to have their life.”

I just don’t know what to do anymore.  I’m sick of waiting for true happiness to
come along.  Every time I think I see true happiness I was lied to because a couple years later it’s gone.  Whether it be by a friend who steals from me
or a girl who marries me, and promises to be by my side always just to break my
heart a few years later.

I even realized I needed to start going to church again, so I put in to come into work at a later time on Sundays, but they are still scheduling me to come in in the morning on Sundays, how can I even try to make an effort to meet somebody new if I have to work?

I just don’t know what to do with my life anymore.  When will God finally allow me to be happy and quit giving me these burdens that I wouldn’t even wish on my
worst enemies?

These Eyes - lyrics

One of my favorite songs by the 1960s group The Guess Who is “These Eyes.”  Here are the lyrics to it.  Enjoy!

(as performed by The Guess Who)

these eyes, cry every night for you
these arms, long to hold you, again
the hurting's on me yea
but I will never be free, oh my baby no no

you gave a promise to me, yea
and you broke it, you broke it, oh oh

these eyes, watched you bring my world to an end
this heart, could not accept and pretend

the hurtin's on me yea
but I will never be free, no no no
you took the vow with me yea
you spoke it, you spoke it
babe

these eyes, are cryin'
these eyes have seen a lot of love,
but they're never gonna see another one like I had with you
these eyes, are crying
these eyes have seen a lot of love,
but they're never gonna see another one like I had with you

these eyes, are crying
these eyes have seen a lot of love,
but they're never gonna see another one like I had with you

these eyes,
cry every night for you
these arms,
these arms want to hold you, hold you again

these eyes, are crying
these eyes have seen a lot of love,
but they're never gonna see another one like I had with you

these eyes, are crying
These eyes have seen a lot of love,
but they're never gonna see another one like I had with you

these eyes, are crying
these eyes have seen a lot of love,
but they're never gonna see another one like I had with you
these eyes, are crying
these eyes have seen a lot of love,
but they're never gonna see another one like I had with you
baby baby baby

Other Fish In The Sea

They say that there are other fish in the sea, yet for some (such as myself) that isn't entirely accurate.  I mean, there is - but it's just a matter of finding the right girl you want to be with and getting up the courage to ask her out.  I know what you're thinking "Gee, I could get any girl in the world." - but the thing is, not everyone can.  I'm a loner.  Rejection is my biggest fear and my biggest weakness.  It goes back to how I was treated while growing up and how I wasn't really accepted, and I still, to this day, don't feel truly accepted.  I know not every one will like you or respect you, and I don't expect to be accepted by everyone, but when you go every day getting laughed at because of your flaws - whether it's how you laugh or how you dress, or something else what's a person to think?

There was a girl in high school I liked, but I never took the chance to ask her out because I was afraid she would say no.  Because of my fear and weakness the internet became a powerful tool for me because you can talk to people online and they won't gain "don't like you" attitude towards you right away because they can't "see" you or "hear" you than, they just go by the words you say to decide if they like you or not.  but in the real world it's all about how you sound and look, and if you're not appeasing to them, they won't like you.  if it weren't for the internet, me and my soon-to-be ex-wife would never have even met, and after 5 years of being together she wants to call it quits.  well, she knew about my problems and me being a loner when she came into the marriage - so what was she expecting?  it's a shame really.  It's a shame that someone who claims they love you and made a promise to be by your side no matter what when they get married can claim that they have fallen out of love with that somebody.   She now says "she loves me, and will always love me but isn't in love with me and there's a difference."  The way I look at it, if you're not in love with me anymore than you don't even love me anymore.  I'm not going to tell my friends I love them.  That creates such an awkward moment.  I'll tell my parents I love them though, but other than that if I'm not in love with you, why would I tell you I love you? I got my problems.  We all have problems, we're only human.  I tend to have more problems than others it seems like, though. 

Yes, there are other fish in the sea but it's just a matter of meeting the right one and getting up the courage to ask them out, but knowing my luck that isn't going to happen.

What Is To Blame - lyrics

Here are the lyrics to a song I wrote sometime after my ex-wife and I called it quits.  I hope you enjoy it.

WHAT IS TO BLAME

Please don’t go and leave me.
If you do, I’ll just be so lonely.
If you do, I don’t know how my life would be.
When I see you, my life is full of glee.
When I’m with you my burdens are gone and I’m finally free.

I may have problems, this I do agree
But I can’t help but have them, you see
Some things in life you just can’t get over
Seems like I keep seeing my past reflection as I get older
Yes, I’m a loner – but this I can not help,
It all goes back to when I was younger – when I was never
ac-cep-ted
But when I see you, I no longer feel as down and blue

Girl, why do you feel you gotta leave?
Why do you gotta go and leave me so lonely?
I’m so in love with you, and now I’m losing you, and I don’t
know what to do
There’s no one I want in my life besides you.

Yes, I have my problems
But it doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be loved the same.
Girl, you’re my eternal loving flame
And you want to leave me, now that’s a shame.

What is to blame?

My Mind’s Eye - Lyrics

This is a song I wrote after my ex-wife and I called it quits to express how I felt at the time.  Enjoy.

MY MIND’S EYE

In my mind's eye you're still there
In my mind's eye you still care
In my mind's eye you still love me

Why did you have to go and leave
Why couldn't you just stay even though it wasn't fair to you?
Five years long, what am I to do?

I know that it's over and that I must move on,
But I don't know what to do
for in my mind's eye I still love you

Girl, I'm sorry that we were too different, and it didn't work out
And I'm glad we can still be friends, and maybe that is best
Maybe sometime soon, I can get over you and find a new love too -
But I just thought I'd let you know that
In my mind's eye I'm still in love with you.

The Pretender - lyrics

One of my favorite songs by Jackson Browne is The Pretender.  Here are the lyrics to it.

THE PRETENDER

Im going to rent myself a house
In the shade of the freeway
Im going to pack my lunch in the morning
And go to work each day
And when the evening rolls around
Ill go on home and lay my body down
And when the morning light comes streaming in
Ill get up and do it again
Amen
Say it again
Amen

I want to know what became of the changes
We waited for love to bring
Were they only the fitful dreams
Of some greater awakening
Ive been aware of the time going by
They say in the end its the wink of an eye
And when the morning light comes streaming in
Youll get up and do it again
Amen

Caught between the longing for love
And the struggle for the legal tender
Where the sirens sing and the church bells ring
And the junk man pounds his fender
Where the veterans dream of the fight
Fast asleep at the traffic light
And the children solemnly wait
For the ice cream vendor
Out into the cool of the evening
Strolls the pretender
He knows that all his hopes and dreams
Begin and end there

Ah the laughter of the lovers
As they run through the night
Leaving nothing for the others
But to choose off and fight
And tear at the world with all their might
While the ships bearing their dreams
Sail out of sight

Im going to find myself a girl
Who can show me what laughter means
And we'll fill in the missing colors
In each others paint-by-number dreams
And then we'll put our dark glasses on
And we'll make love until our strength is gone
And when the morning light comes streaming in
We'll get up and do it again
Get it up again

I'm going to be a happy idiot
And struggle for the legal tender
Where the ads take aim and lay their claim
To the heart and the soul of the spender
And believe in whatever may lie
In those things that money can buy
Thought true love could have been a contender

Are you there?
Say a prayer for the pretender
Who started out so young and strong
Only to surrender

If I Could Turn Back The Hands of Time - lyrics

This is one of my favorite songs by R. Kelly.

IF I COULD TURN BACK THE HANDS OF TIME

How did I ever let you slip away
Never knowing I'd be singing this song someday
And now I'm sinking to rise no more
Ever since you closed the door

Chorus:
If I could Turn, turn back the hands of time
Then my darlin' you would be mine
If I could Turn, turn back the hands of time
Then my darlin' you would be mine

Funny, funny how time goes by
And blessings are missed in the wink of an eye
Why oh Why oh Why should one have to go on suffering
When everyday I plead come back to me

CHORUS

BRIDGE:
And you had enough love for the both of us
But I, I did you wrong I admit I did
But now I'm facing the rest of my life alone

CHORUS

I'd never hurt you (If I could turn back)
Never do you wrong (If I could turn back)
And never leave your side (If I could turn back)
If I could turn back the hands
There'll be nothing I wouldn't do for you (If I could turn back)
Forever honest and true to you (If I could turn back)
If you accept me back in your heart, I Love You
If I could turn back the hands
(If I could turn back) That would be my will
(If I could turn back) Darlin' I'm begging you take me by the hands
If I could turn back the hands
I'm going down yes I am (If I could turn back)
Down on my bended knee yeah (If I could turn back)
And I'm gonna be right there until you return to me
If I could turn back the hands
(If I could turn back) If I could turn back the clock on the wall
(If I could turn back) Then I'd come to realize how much I Love you,
Love You, Love You, Love You, Love You

With You Without You - lyrics

Brad Paisley is one of my favorite country singers.  Here are the lyrics of one of my favorite songs from his “5th Gear” album.

WITH YOU WITHOUT YOU

You really left your mark. On this old house, in this old heart. I see you everywhere and when I close my eyes you're still there.

And I know you want me to move on. Start living a new life start writing a new song. Don't worry, I ain't gonna ask you to come back and love me. Baby, you don't have to 'cause I can be in love with you, without you.

It's not that hard at all. It's like you're out of town and just forgot to call. Just because you walked away doesn't mean my feelings have to change now.

And I know you want me to move on. Stop living an old life, stop singing an old song. Don't worry, I ain't gonna ask you to come back and love me. Baby you don't have to 'cause I can be in love with you, without you.

Ah and if you're gone for good I hope that you go far because how I feel about you don't matter where you are.

Yeah and I know you want me to move on. Start living a new life, stop singing an old song but I can be in love with you, without you. No matter where you go, No matter what you do. I can be in love with you, without you.

BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN SUPERBOWL 43 HALFTIME SHOW PERFORMANCE MAKES HIM BORN TO RUN

I have been a big fan of Bruce Springsteen since I was 10 years old (1990).  I don’t even have all his albums – just 3: Born In The USA, Greatest Hits, and The Rising, and I’m looking forward to purchasing his new one “Working On A Dream.”

His halftime show performance was only 12 minutes long and it had an interesting intro.  They played 4 songs: a new one I can’t recall the name of, born to run, another new one called “Working On A Dream” – obviously a short version, and then broke into “Glory Days,” changing the lyric “big baseball player” to “big football player” – for obvious reasons.

At the end of glory days, he jokes about needing to go into overtime and a referee comes on the stage and made some motion – obviously just jokes, and at the end of the performance he twirls his famous Fender Telecaster around his shoulder 4 times.  I can’t believe what he does with a vintage instrument such as that!  At the beginning he threw it in the air, luckily his guitar tech is well trained to catch and catch well.  He then tells the audience “I’m going to Disney Land” – the famous line one of the VIPs of a Super Bowl in the early 90s (can’t remember which VIP or which super bowl) said.

On another note, I’m not a football fan.  I only watch the super bowl for the commercials and the half time show, but I didn’t care too much for the commercials this year.  There were some cute ones, but nothing really worth saving.  I thought the best one was the Bob Dylan/Will I. Am “Forever Young” Pepsi commercial.  I really enjoyed that one.

Eagles Bio Is To The Limit

I just read a great book I got for Christmas.  A book I’d recommend for any Eagles fan.  It starts out describing where each member of the Eagles are from and their backgrounds: Don Henley, Glenn Frey, Randy Meisner, Bernie Leadon, Don Felder, Joe Walsh, and Timothy B. Schmidt.

It explains how Don Henley and Glenn Frey first met, played for Linda Ronstadt, played at the Troubadour (a famous club in Los Angelas), and how the band came to be.  It goes on to explain Don Henley’s run-ins with David Geffen (the founder of Asylum Records and Geffen Records) and Glenn Frey, and how David Geffen sold Asylum Records to Warner Brothers, and how Geffen Records was sold to some Chinese corporation and how it screwed Henley over twice – once with The Eagles and once as a solo artist.

It talks about the fights between Don Henley and Glenn Frey which lead to the untimely break-up of The Eagles, and how the band was forced to put out albums when they weren’t “creatively ready” to put out new albums because it’s what the record company wanted because they were their #1 artist.  The book goes on to explain how Don Henley was the most successful as far as their solo careers are concerned, and how the “Hell Freezes Over” tour came to be, which was Irving Azoff’s idea.  Irving Azoff was the manager for The Eagles, and pestered Glenn Frey and Don Henley since the band’s break-up in 1980 to get them back together, after all without Don Henley and Glenn Frey to be friends again, the band’s re-union would never ever happen.  It took Irving 14 years to finally get them to agree to get back together, and ever since 1994 they have did the “Hell Freezes Over” tour, put out a complete greatest hits package that was to the band’s liking (the band had nothing to do with the “Their Greatest Hits 1971-1976” and “Their Greatest Hits Volume 2” albums), went on tour again to promote the greatest hits album called the “Farewell I Tour”, and put out a new CD called “Long Road Out Of Eden” and are still on tour now promoting that CD.

The band has been around for 30 years, and they are still as great today as they were back in the 1970s.  They are most definitely to the 1970s what The Beatles are to the 1960s.  If you are an Eagles fan I would suggest you to go out and get “To The Limit” by Marc Eliot. It is a very entertaining 380 page book and is worth the read!

Why Do You Have To Be So Mean

Why is it that people think they have to be so hateful and mean?  I never could understand it, and it's because of this why I just assume stay home in my room and watch TV all day.  Don't get me wrong, right now I would die to have some real company around but if people are going to be the way they are why should I go join that crowd when that's not the kind of people I would choose to be around?

I work two jobs, and at one of them I feel like I was back in high school.  It seems like I'm constantly called to the office for something, and when I go there I get griped at for stupid petty things.  A couple days ago I was bitched at for stealing tips out of the housekeepers' rooms when in actuality I have better things to do than to steal something.  Rumor has it that the other glass-person at work had passed this rumor around just to get me fired.

Just last year another co-worker bitched at me for "accusing" her of getting me this write-up I had gotten a couple weeks earlier, when in actuality I told somebody that "I heard that so-and-so had me written-up and it wouldn't surprise me." Where do you get an accusation there?  Isn't an accusation something like "So-and-so had me written up" end of story.  It's a long story why I got written up, it was about something else ignorant (I apparently told a guest he was stupid even though that's not what was said).  I just love how people take what you say and flip-flop it around to make you sound like a complete jack-ass.

A couple weeks ago someone on MySpace, who is apparently a friend of a friend of my wife's, went so far as to call me a loser, wife beater and a child molester. 

I think it's really nice how people just judge you automatically without giving you a real chance in life and act all hateful and mean from the get-go.  It just makes some people want to hate life even more.  Must be nice to have friends to go see when you're bored or depressed.  I wouldn't know.  If so many people are going to be judgmental and hateful and mean from day one, why bother?  I refuse to be like everyone else and I also refuse to be fake and phony.

It’s A Crazy Mixed Up World - lyrics

This is a song I wrote back in 2005.  It was after Hurricane Katrina hit, the war in Iraq has been going on for 2 years, gas prices just seemed to jump daily, making it seem as if our current leaders were the crummiest in American history.  I wrote this song expressing how I felt... It can even relate some now in 2012.  lol.
-------------------------------------------------------------
This world is cruel, it can be evil all the time
Sometimes you feel like you are payin' a fine
Gas prices just goin' sky high when you ain't even got a dime!
You feel like you're doin' time cuz your life is in such a bind
But they'll never see the signs, oh in this life of mine.

Late after that hurricane, oh it's just so insane.
Don't you just feel those people's pain?
A lot of them havta walk with a cane, and you don't even know half their names.
A lot of them are in emotional pain.
They need help and it came to late, it showed up about three days late.
Oh, this world is so insane.

Ship our boys to Iraq, claimin' to do with terrorism.
Instead, it's like goin' to a militant prison, because someone made a stupid decision.
Those towers fell and he used it as an excuse.
Our boys are dyin', but he don't seem to mind.
This mad world is just evil all the time.

A lot of people gettin' drunk and high, gee, I wonder why.
It just makes me wanna sigh
It even makes me wanna cry
Why can't this world just try – to get along, instead of bein' wrong?
That's all I gotta say in my song.

Revolution - lyrics

this is a song I wrote around the same time I wrote “It’s A Crazy Mixed Up World”.  I tend to write a lot of political protest songs.  that's Dylan's influence on me I guess...
-----------------------------
(VERSE:)
Gas prices too high, I can't afford it
Uncle Sam taxin' me out the ass
Where does my money go?
This I do not know.
I should protest, but I can't so I won't
Sick of it all,What could I do?
I could..

(CHORUS:)
Start a revolution (4x)
We all need to make a change
We all can make a difference
Start a revolution (4x)
Come on and follow me and
Start a revolution (4x)

(VERSE:)
Uncle Sam go away, I can't afford you
Please quit taxin' all my paycheck
What good is it for anyway?
This I do not know
I should protest but I can't so I won't
Sick of it all, What could I do?
I could..

(CHORUS:)
Start a revolution (4x)
We all deserve better
We all are sick of the liars
Start a revolution (4x)
Come on and follow me and
Start a revolution (4x)

EAGLES “Long Road Out Of Eden” Tour Review

The Eagles have been together for a little over 37 years.  They happen to be one of the greatest bands that ever lived, and after 28 years of no new studio albums they put out a great one called "Long Road Out Of Eden." and in promotion for the new CD since the fall they have been on the Long Road Out Of Eden world tour, which they are now on the US leg of.  They played in Little Rock, Arkansas on September 16, 2008 opening with "How Long" - from the new CD.  Than played a couple more songs off the CD before they played Hotel California.  They played numerous of their classics, numerous songs from their new CD, and a few of the band's solo efforts.

The second half opened with "No more walks in the wood" from the new CD, and later on in the second half after Glenn Frey and Timothy Shmidt helped introduce the band and the backup musicians Joe Walsh put his hat (with cam) on and broke into his classic solo "Life's been good" and in place of his lyric "lock the doors in case i'll attack" he uses "I'll lock the doors and listen to music by Burt Bacharach." And in a performance of Don Henley's "Dirty Laundry" on the screen behind the stage was footage of news programs, tabloid magazine covers, and other tv show footage like springer.  They even had covers with their images superimposed on them: "Joe Walsh sued by monkeys" "Don Henley Solves Global Warming".  What a crazy bunch they are.

We were wondering when "Take It Easy" or "Desperado" would be played - that was the encore.  It's not very often you get to see a great band like the Eagles perform, but when you catch their show it is well worth it.  I saw them once when I was 14 in 1994 on their Hell Freezes Over tour, but now I'm old enough to remember what's going on I know this show was will worth it!  It was so awesome!  One of my favorite bands of all time, this band is one of the reasons why I got into music so many years ago and what a performance they can do on such a great live show!

“ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS” movie review

My wife and I just saw the Alvin & the Chipmunks movie last month, and I felt it was very interesting, intriguing, and on top of that – extremely entertaining.  I used to watch the 1980s cartoon when I was a kid, but I don’t remember much from the cartoon accept that David Seville was like a father figure to the three chipmunks and he was also their manager. 

The movie opens with the chipmunks in a tree in the woods singing while gathering nuts.  They haven’t even met David yet.  David on the other hand is a struggling songwriter, trying to make it big.  He shows his friend who is an executive at a major record label, but he doesn’t make it and is always shown the door until he meets these 3 chipmunks. 

At first he doesn’t like these chipmunks because they make a mess out of his house, but than he finds out they can sing so he starts to like them, and writes a song for them “Christmas Don’t Be Late” (all you Chipmunk fans know this song I’m sure!) and the song is done exactly like the original (David’s spoken words included) – only difference is the fact that they have modernized it for the movie.  When he takes the song and his new-found animal friends to his executive friend, the executive doesn’t buy it until midway through the film when the chipmunks realize they truly messed up and need to fix David’s career.

When they do, they become rich and famous and end up paying the price for fame and lose Dave becoming the record executives slaves until Dave wins them back at the end.  I enjoyed it and I recommend it.  I give it 4.5 stars out of 5 – the guy who played David Seville did alright, but I think I could see someone else better in that part.

ACROSS THE UNIVERSE movie review

At a time when true creativity is not much there, Julie Taymor comes out with a movie such as this. It's a musical, but not a traditional film musical. Your traditional film musical is based on a Broadway musical but this is the only musical I've seen that was meant for film.

It's a film inspired and influenced by the universe of the Beatles with songs, references, and character names. You have characters such as Jude, Sadie, JoJo, Lucy, Prudence, and Maxwell. Jude comes from Liverpool, England, and there is a scene of a band playing in the Cavern Club in Liverpool, where Jude is dancing with his than girlfriend. There is also a scene where a band plays on the rooftop of a building in New York City. Another reference is the number 9 on an address for a building towards the end. Also note, the line "She Came In Through The Bathroom Window" is also used. I really suggest you know the Beatles music and their history or at least do your homework before watching this film because that would make the film even more interesting and entertaining.

Two of the world's greatest rock stars also make a cameo appearance in the film. Bono from U2, and Joe Cocker. Bono I thought covered "I Am The Walrus" really well, and that is probably my most favorite sequence and performance throughout the whole film. And I thought Joe Cocker covered "Come Together" quite nicely.

The Beatles are the greatest band to come out of the 1960s, and interestingly enough, the film takes place in the 1960s. There's references to the Vietnam War, riots of Detroit, and also a reference to the Columbia University strike and Martin Luther King's assassination. There is also references to the era's high drug use.

You have to have an appreciation for film, art and music to really enjoy this film. After all, it is a musical. It's also a very psychedelic film with some references to drug use. If you have a true appreciation for music, art and film I recommend it. I recommend it to everybody, but if you don't have a true appreciation for these 3 things you're not going to get into it much. After watching this film I thought to myself, "Man, now they need to do one with the Eagles universe in mind." I give it 5 fingers out of 5 fingers.

The Rise And Fall of Memphis’ Record Label

I just finished reading a great book titled Soulsville USA: The Story of Stax Records by Rob Bowman. For those of you who don't know, Stax Records happens to be one of the greatest independent record labels that ever existed, and is one of the most important ones in music history. There were 3 great soul and R&B labels in the 1960s: Motown (in Detroit, Michigan); Atlantic (in New York City); and Stax in Memphis, Tennessee.

If you listen to a lot of music, and actually study the sound of it, you can definitely tell if it was Motown, Stax, or Atlantic. Most Atlantic records had the Doo-Wop sound (stuff like the Coasters and the Drifters); Motown had a really great R&B feel; Stax had a bluesy feel, mixed with a little bit of jazz fusion. All 3 labels had these same fundamentals, but each label recorded in different styles and sounds so not to sound like somebody else.

Stax was founded by brother and sister team Jim STewart and Estelle AXton in 1957. They originally called it Satellite Records, but because of a small label in California having the same name, they changed the name to STAX. They opened it up in an old movie theater in a neighborhood that some really great musicians (whom all eventually became famous) lived in. Memphis Slim, Booker T. & The MGs, and Aretha Franklin have all lived in this neighborhood. Al Bell, who would later become president of Stax Records in the late 1960s and go on to produce some of the greatest songs Stax had put out in the 1970s, did not come to Stax until 1965.

Some of Stax's important musical lineup include: Sam & Dave ("I'm A Soul Man"); Isaac Hayes (Who with David Porter wrote a lot of the great songs that were released on Stax and also put out the popular 1970s funky track "Theme from Shaft"); Albert King ("Born Under a Bad Sign"); Booker T. & The MGs ("Green Onions"); and the Staple Singers ("Respect Yourself"); Otis Redding ("Sitting On The Dock of The Bay"); among others.

At a point in time when most businesses were segregated, especially in the south, Stax Records was one of the few businesses that was integrated proving that music really knows no colors.

Stax's greatest years were between 1957 and 1968. This was when Booker T. & The MGs, Albert King, Sam & Dave and Otis Redding were all big hits. Isaac Hayes did not start his recording career until 1969. During the 1960s he and songwriting partner David Porter wrote songs for some of Stax's greatest acts. The biggest hit they wrote together was "I'm A Soul Man" which was famously recorded by Sam & Dave.

Unfortunately, nobody's perfect in this world and bad business moves can cause for a company's downfall. In December 1967, Otis Redding was killed in a tragic plane crash at the age of 26. When he was killed, Stax lost their most important recording artist. Also, in April of 1968, Martin Luther King was gunned down by James Earl Ray outside of his motel room at the Lorraine Motel, also in Memphis (on an interesting note, during Stax's hey-day in the 1960s, the Stax artists would hang out at the Lorraine Motel and work on songs – writing or rehearsing – when not recording in the studio). When Martin Luther King was assassinated, the black Stax artists were furious, upset, and mad. They didn't want to work with their white counterparts anymore. Also, Steve Cropper left a year later because he was getting sick of being treated like he was an "Employee" – working like it was shift work. Booker T. would also leave, and in 1969 Isaac Hayes would begin his recording career which eventually ended his relationship with David Porter. Apparently, since Isaac started a recording career he didn't want to write or produce songs for other people anymore. Estelle Axton also left the company, and around the same time Jim Stewart thought it would be a good idea to sell the company, so he sold it to Gulf & Western, the owners of Paramount Pictures. Later, he realized it was a bad idea and so he tried to buy it back without much success, he and Al Bell tried to sell it again to regain some finances, and this time to probably the biggest corporate label: CBS records. CBS at the time mainly had a line-up of rock artists and country artists and was looking to purchase a label so they could have a soul roster. Little did Jim or Al realize was that CBS mainly wanted to buy the company so they could put Stax out of business. When CBS tried to purchase Stax, they had a distribution deal with Stax, yet when Stax would send CBS records to distribute, those albums and 45s didn't get properly distributed. Stax decided to cut off the deal with CBS, which was in breach of contract meaning Stax would owe CBS money. Because of Stax owing CBS money, and never having finances gained back to them because of the business deal with Gulf & Western they worked with Union Planters bank in Memphis on there finances, which also was a bad business deal. In 1976 Stax ended up owing so much money, that the famous recording studio ended up getting locked down by security guards who kicked everybody out, only giving them 15 minutes to get there personal belongings and had to leave, never to come back. Such bad deals ended up forcing Isaac Hayes into bankruptcy some years later, and Jim Stewart never recovered either.

Sadly, the building remained empty for over 11 years and even though it should've been saved and put on the national historic landmark registry, it was demolished in 1988, leaving an empty lot until 1999, when the city of Memphis realized the historic aspect of it, and rebuilt it to look just like the original building and now housing a Stax museum there with historical Stax artifacts.

I'm happy to inform you that 2007 marked Stax's 50th anniversary. To mark the occasion, Stax is making a comeback. Isaac Hayes' next album will be released on Stax Records (which is now owned by Fantasy Records). There will also be a couple of other modern soul artists who will have albums released this year on Stax. Also released this Year is "Stax: 50th Annversary" 2-disc set of all the greatest songs released on Stax including Booker T. & The MGs – Green Onions; Otis Redding – "Respect", "Sittin On The Dock of The Bay"; Sam & Dave – Soul Man; The Staple Singers – Respect Yourself; among other great songs. There also was a Stax Documentary on PBS in August. Be on the lookout for these great Stax releases from "the little label that could."

March 2007 Trip to Tennessee

On March 2 - 4, 2007, Tut, Johnnie and I took a business/pleasure trip to Tennessee. For a musicologist, such as myself, it was a very heartwarming experience. On Friday, Tut and I left his house at 7:00 in the morning. We headed to Johnny's house to pick him up. He lives south of Valley Springs. Our itinerary was Memphis and Nashville, Tennessee.

"Memphis, home of the blues, birthplace of Rock & Roll." That is the city's slogan. Our first stop in Memphis was the Gibson factory. Gibson has 3 factories. One in Memphis, Tennessee; one in Nashville, Tennessee; and one in Montana. Seeing the Gibson plant was pretty interesting, seeing how the Les Pauls and ES-335s were made. They make everything at Gibson hand made. There are no production lines at Gibson. It helps keep the idea of quality made. 4 out of every 100 guitars do end up getting "axed" though, but that's not too bad. They destroy the ones that don't make it to Gibson standards because Gibson doesn't sell 2nd quality instruments.

After we left Gibson, we drove to 926 E. McLemore, off of McLemore and College. Does anyone know what stood here once in music history? A show of hands? Soulsville, USA once was here. Yes, folks. Stax Records. Stax Records was owned by Jim STewart and Estelle AXton. Have you figured out where the name STAX Records came from yet? It had to be torn down though back in the late 1990s, and when they rebuilt it, it became a museum. Within this 10 mile radius of the city lived several really well known musicians in the 1960s and they all recorded there. All of them being white and black proving that music knows no colors. Music knows no race. That really hit me hard! It really made me teary eyed. Another thing that touched me was the control room and studio part of the museum. Where the studio part of the museum is at is the same exact spot where the original studio stood. This is where Booker T. & the MGs (Memphis Group), Otis Redding, Sam & Dave, Sam Cooke, among others have all recorded. Everything in the studio area was rebuilt to look exactly like the original, except for the "burn holes in the carpet." The control room area even had the original equipment used and even the original master tapes. They were saved after rioting broke out in 1968 when Martin Luther King was assassinated outside his hotel room at Lorraine Motel which is also in Memphis. It is now known as the Civil Rights Museum.

It is really very sad what happens to places because of what people can do. After Martin Luther King was killed, rioting broke out in every major city in America, including Memphis and the cities never really did recover. It really made black folks hate white folks, which made Stax fall under because at Stax white and black people got along together well, and that didn't happen anymore after King's assassination. And when Otis Redding was killed at the young age of 26, a year shy to be in the 27 club*, around the same time, the company just folded. Isaac Hayes and a few other soul kats tried to keep it going, but because of the assassination in 1968, Stax never really returned to its old ways. After a few years of struggling, the company folded. In 1974 the building got boarded up, and over the years it started getting run down. It had stayed that way for 30 years. In the late 1990s, the city of Memphis realized how historical the building was and tried to remodel and renovate it without much success so they tore it down and rebuilt it in the original location. If King wasn't shot, Stax would still be going strong today. All of America's ghettos probably wouldn't be as run down as they are now, also.

On Saturday, we went to Daniel Brom's repair shop in Fairview, Tennessee. Fairview happens to be a suburb of music city. Nashville, Tennessee. He is supposed to be the greatest guitar luthier ever. It was really awesome to see what he does with restoring guitars to get them to the original look. After spending 2 hours at his shop, we went to downtown Nashville where Gruhn Guitars is located. Gruhn Guitars is the most famous vintage guitar shop in the country, if not the world. It now sits where a place called Buckley Records once was. George Gruhn used to have his business 2 stores up before his business boomed in the early 1990s. Tut apparently has 30 or so guitars on consignment there, 10 or so on the lower level that everyone can see and 15 or so on the 2nd level. The 2nd level is where "special clientele" gets to go shop. Vince Gill was on the 2nd floor a couple months ago filming something for New Years on PBS. He picked up one of Tut's guitars and started playing it and said he really liked this guitar and that he was too poor so maybe Amy (his wife) can get it for him. After that film was shown on PBS, there was so much interest in that guitar that Tut thought it finally was going to sell, but it never did.

After we left Gruhn Guitars, we went to the Ryman Auditorium. That is where the Grand Ole Opry used to be back in the 1940s – 1960s before it moved to its present location at Opryland in 1974. The auditorium almost got demolished, but instead it got put on the national historic registry. I am glad for that! We got to stand on the actual stage and have our pictures taken. It was really such a tear jerker! I mean, Johnny Cash had once stood here on this very stage!

After leaving Ryman, Johnny and I were allowed to walk Broadway to see all the different clubs and stores. We passed about 7 different clubs, each one playing some kind of live music. There were even some street performers. I had Johnny tip one of them.

One of the clubs we passed was Tootsies. This club is pretty famous in its own right because during the days of the Grand Ole Opry, the players would hang out there and knock back some brewskis before heading across the alley to the stage door entrance of the Ryman. By the way, the Everly Brothers were discovered at the stage door entrance to the Ryman.

After we left Downtown Nashville, we drove to Opryland, USA. That is where the Grand Ole Opry is now. When we got there, they were obviously preparing for that night's Grand Ole Opry show. There were people moving stuff, and trucks all over by the stage area. While driving through, we noticed about 7 or 8 satellite dishes. My guess is those are so the show can be broadcast nationwide. We saw the Gibson factory there too, which was pretty cool. It is located in the Opryland Mall. The factory is also a Gibson store where you can buy Gibson merchandise like Guitars, Mandolins, and shirts, etc.

On Sunday, we woke up at 7:30 and had breakfast because we wanted to get on the road and head back home at a decent hour. We did have a long way home ahead of us.

We got on the road at 9:00, and were back in Memphis at noon. We saw Graceland first. For $30 you get the mansion tour, Elvis' car museum, costume museum, his airplanes, and a museum that showed how he had fun. To see it all really takes 4 or more hours, and it's very exhausting. They even have numerous gift shops to browse, an arcade and a couple of dining spots.

To the side of the mansion is where Elvis is buried. For years I thought he was buried behind the house, but it's actually on the right side of the house. His mother, grandmother and dad are buried right next to him. There is an eternal flame burning for him at his gravesite. It is such a real tear jerker. Makes you really shiver and really puts a lump in your throat. On the mansion tour they don't allow you to go on the 2nd floor of the house because that was his most sacred place, so when he passed away in 1977 and it became a museum, Lisa Marie made sure no one would go up in respect for her father.

On the walls outside of the gates to the house people have left their marking. The other museums at Graceland are short ones, but are still very interesting. The car museum shows every single car Elvis had owned. It included even his famous pink Cadillac that was his mother's favorite car. He even had a cool looking 1973 Ferrari Dino and a 1966 Rolls Royce.

After that we saw his planes. He owned 2; the Lisa Marie is his most famous one. It was originally a plane for the Delta Airlines but when he bought it in the early 1970s; he had it remodeled to suit his standards. There is a bed, dining table, etc. in it. Lisa Marie even celebrated her birthday one year on it with her dad. Since it was his favorite jet out of the 2, he named it after his only child "Lisa Marie." When the pilot would radio in to the control towers, he would say that "Hound Dog 1" was about to land. That was the Lisa Marie's code name.

The costume museum houses all his different costumes he wore on his shows. The after dark museum showed us how he basically liked to have fun. Apparently, Elvis was an insomniac only getting about 4-5 hours of sleep. This would explain his addiction to sleeping pills.

The whole Graceland experience really takes the energy out of you. Makes you really not want to do anything more. It makes you feel really "Elvis'd Out."

After we left Graceland, we drove to 706 Union Avenue. This is where Johnny Cash, Carl Perkins, Elvis Presley, and Jerry Lee Lewis had the famous Million Dollar Quartet jam session and where the most famous picture in Rock & Roll history was taken, which was during the famous jam session. The very first rock song, Rocket 88, was recorded here in the late 1940s. After Sam Phillips quit running his studio there in the late 1950s, it closed down. It became a scuba shop for a few years. When it was a scuba shop, they had plywood on the walls, which was easy to take off so you can see the original tile. Everything at the studio is original down to the neon sign in the window that says "Memphis Recording Studio." The only thing not original is the "Sun" sign at the top of the building. And will stay that way for the rest of time because it is now on the national historic registry. It is the only recording studio still used today that is on the national historic registry. The entrance to the museum isn't through the original entrance to the studio though. It is the entrance to the place next door which was a diner in the days that Sun Records made history. When it was turned into a museum, you enter through the door where the diner was located. They even had the original recording equipment. They wanted everything to remain as it was 50 years ago! They even had the original microphone Jerry Lee Lewis, Elvis, and Carl Perkins, etc. had to lay down their vocals thru. The piano that Jerry Lee played on "Great Balls of Fire" is also there. A real tear jerker!! Very historical!

After leaving there, we drove by the famous WDIA building where WDIA had its radio station. This is the radio station that played Elvis' cut of "That's All Right" for 3 hours. After he cut it, Sam Phillips took the record to his friend DJ Dewey Phillips (no relation). Giving Elvis his first 1, making him a star. It is still in operation today. It's a news/talk station on the AM dial. AM was all you can get back in those days. There was no FM or XM. After getting a couple pictures, and dealing with some idiot in a wheelchair fussing that a cop had to stop, we got onto I40, to head back home.

You know, this area of the country really is the perfect place for music history to happen, and it couldn't have happened at a better time. You got the Mississippi Delta in the south, which includes Clarksdale, Mississippi. There was a lot of culture down here where a lot of black folks, who were back in the late 1800s finally freed from slavery, were playing their music, and inventing the blues and even jazz in New Orleans. And than you got the people in the backwoods of Tennessee and Kentucky who invented their hillbilly music, better known as Bluegrass or country. People headed north for a better life. Ending up in Memphis or Nashville, or even as far as Chicago, where the famous Chess label once stood. All this happening right after the radio was invented. And with all the music, and culture happening in this 300 or so mile radius, people wanted to be heard and people wanted to get them heard. Radio and the recording industry were still in its infancy. There was no mistake or coincidence that music history happened here in this location of America. And because of what people done in the first half of the 1900s in this part of the country musically, people travel from all over to come to Nashville and Memphis for music history of all sorts and to hear music of all sorts.

It was really neat. We had an amazing trip, and it was very exciting. I wish I would've had more time because there is just so much to see. You really have to plan a week vacation to visit Memphis and Nashville. I also realized on this trip that I really need to start getting involved in keeping music history alive, and the music itself alive. Either by donating money to help renovate the historical buildings that were involved, or something of that sort. I have even thought about starting my own foundation that raises money to save and renovate such buildings, or pays money to save instruments that the numerous well known players have played, etc. This trip was very heartfelt, and it really touched my heart and soul, and now it's time to sit down and listen to some Elvis, Johnny Cash, Bob Dylan, BB King, Otis Redding, Booker T, and go to sleep.

		March 2007 Trip to Tennessee VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

The Mike Irvan Music Foundation

this is a music foundation I am hoping to get started. Read further for my foundation's mission statement. If you would like to help me out getting this foundation started or if you have some ideas on what to name this foundation please let me know.

OUR MISSION AND OUR GOAL:
Our goal is to bring music and music history awareness to everyone. We also raise money for music education programs and for those who want to attend music schools. We also raise money for music history trips. You tell us where you want to go that involves history of music and we map out your trip and will pay for your tickets. If you ever wanted to visit famous blues sites in Clarksdale, Mississippi, or even famous sites in Nashville and Memphis, but didn't know where to start we can help you plan your trip and book your tickets for the famous sites.

We also raise money for people to attend things like rock and roll fantasy camps (which occur every once in a while) and we will even supply you a couple tickets to your concert of choice, and if you have to travel to see that concert we will find you a good hotel so you can enjoy the music and not have to worry about driving. We would even fly you there if necessary.

We also raise money to save, repair and remodel any buildings that were involved in music history. If the building had to be tore down for any particular reason we would make sure that the land it was on got something in memory and honor of that building's history, or even get a museum put there, but we will do whatever it takes to save any building involved in music history. Those buildings don't need to be demolished, they are historical landmarks. We also make sure such buildings get placed on the national historic registry. We need to make sure that such buildings as the Capitol Records building in Hollywood, California; the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville; and Sun Records, among others, will never get demolished.

And of course, our main goal is to bring music history and awareness to the younger generations so that very talented musicians, songwriters, and producers can never be forgotten. If it's related to music or saving music this foundation will cover it.