STOP THE SCHOOL VIOLENCE

 

Note: Over the last 10 years there have been a lot of mass public shootings.  but by 1999, there were at least 10 mass school shootings - the one at Columbine High School in Littleton, COlorado on April 20, 1999 being the worst one at the time.  This song I wrote after that incident expressing how I felt about all the mass school shootings I was hearing about at that time.

(Chorus)
How cruel!
Too much violence in our schools!
How uncool!
What such fools,
To cause such violence in our schools!!

(Verse 1)
In the last two years we had to fear!
It seems like these people don't even care!
How unfair!
It seems like they're always a pair!
Oh, dear!
It seems like the end is always near!
I'm forming tears
I'm so sad
Because what they did is so bad!

(Chorus)

(Verse 2)
It happened in Arkansas, Oregon, and Colorado,
Oh wow!
Our nation is going down!
We will all drown
In pain and sorrow!
Our schools are horrible!

(Bridge:)
So many people
It happened to!
Happened to
So many people!
(repeat)

(Chorus)

(Verse 3)
Dear God,
Why did this have to happen
In your world under heaven?
Dear God,
These people don't celebrate the sabbath
And they aren't very clever!
Will they ever realize that what they did was wrong?
Will they ever realize who they killed?
Will they ever feel the way we feel?
The school victims got such a raw deal!

Funny Jokes

I wrote these jokes back in 1999 when I was still in high school and immature.  I read them again about 13 years later (in 2013) and realize some of the ones referring to historical events probably aren’t even accurate, since I learned more about those events as I got older, lol. I apologize in advance  if these jokes might offend anybody who eventually reads this post.  I post a lot of older stuff on my blog for posterity and for others to enjoy, but it doesn’t necessarily say that’s how I act or believe anymore as I get older.  Enjoy!

 

Mr. Robinson (Eddie Murphy) Walks in his apartment and talks about today's episode. "Hello boys & girls, today we're gonna learn how to go down chimneys dressed like Santa Claus and put wrapped up dog shit under the christmas tree, and how to put crack, pot, LSD, Shrooms, cigarettes, alcohol, Poppies, and drug paraphanalia in the stockings, then after that we'll learn how to raid the food in the fridge and take some radios and TVs and some VCRs that aren't ours, like taking milk & cookies.

 

. The Menandez children just got there own TV show entitled: "Life With Menandez." There first episode is entitled "Hey boys and girls, hate you damn parents cause one's abusive and the other's no help? Well you're watching the right show, because today we'll show u how to kill your parents, lie about it, take your parents money and buy stuff, and then go to court 6 years later.

 

. Charles Manson is being interviewed by Ted Coppel: "I love to kill people for a living. I either shoot them or stab them. If you want to be a serial killer call this number 1-900-murder-me."

 

. Michael Jackson promoting a new song off a future album: "I'm not a faggot, it's just that I'm a sweet transvestite and love it so much, just another Ru Paul!"

 

. Jeff Foxworthy on his trademark: "If you listen to me you might be considered a redneck, if your dog is loose you're a redneck, if you're a faggot you're a damn transvestite, give me a gun so I can blow your head off!"

 

. OJ Simpson interview with Barbara Walters: "I didn't kill no one because I'm an ex-football star and so whatever I do is innocent except for when I killed Nicole and Ronald, so as long as nobody knows I'll be free, finding women and killing them."

 

. David Letterman's top 10 reasons to watch his show:

10. Because there's nothing else on

9. Because Jay Leno eats too many Doritos

8. OJ Simpson's trial is over

7. To see me smoke my cigar

6. Because I'm funny

5. You'd actually wanna watch Oprah Winfrey like Peg Bundy?

4 Arsenio Hall retired

3. I've been doing the show ever since the 1970s

2. You didn't know there was a so called show

1. If you don't I will shove a bomb up your ass and blow you away.

Stupid TV Shows

(I apologize in advance if this offends some people - this is a comedy bit I wrote back in high school in 1999)

If it's one thing I can't stand at all, it's those stupid TV shows. You know which ones I'm talking about. It's those shows with epioode titles like "My boyfriend slept with my best friend." These are the same shows which have scripts that go something like this, "You bitch!! You (beep) ing bitch!! You (beep) ing slut!! You slept with my (beep) ing Boyfriend, you (beep) ing whore!!"(Punches and kicks air)You stupid bitch!!" (pause) What really surprised me is the ratings of these stupid shows. These shows have higher ratings than NBC's ER and the WB's Dawson's Creek or 7th Heaven. The most popular one of these stupid shows (they cal1 them Daytime talk shows) is Jerry Springer. To me, in my opinion, That guys a damn nut case. He's a damn pervert!! Like I mean, who in the world ever heard of subjects like "My tits are bigger than yours!" "My son is a gay faggot" "My Husband cheated on me" (pause) yeah? So? What's your point? My Wife (beep) ing cheated on me!! I am not making this up, these subjects are actually shown on the TV screen. That show's so damn popular they put it on tape uncensored and they put it in the new-release section of the movie stores. Where it belongs is the adult section. The movies a damn porno!  I should go do a show like that.  "Today on the Mike Irvan Show we got whores who don't know who there husbands are!"

    Another type of show I can't stand is those wrestling shows. To me it looks like gay men grabbing each other. I was reading this book about Michael Jackson, and I was thinking "Good Lord!! This guy's a sick pervert pedophile!!" In this book it talks about Michael Jackson, a 40 year old man, grabbing a 12 year old boy's balls!! Michael Jackson would be a perfect wrestler. Since every "Perfect" wrestler has a nick name, Michael Jackson's would be "Bad Big Bubba." Like I mean, who wants to watch a show with guys grabbing each other? I was surprised when I saw a survey of sports most watched. I was thinking maybe football. The one with the most votes on this survey was wrestling. I was like, "Good Lord!!" I think the worst wrestler On TV is that guy who loves to flip off the camera, and his boss, and the photographer. Those of you who watch NWO Wrestling know who I'm talking about (pause) "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. This guy also makes fun of the bible. He takes one of the best versus in the bible and changes it into his own. He took John 3:16, and transformed it into "Austin 3:16". This guy's a real nutcase. What I really don't understand is why do they call wrestling a sport? It's not a sport. They go by a silly script that is written something like this: "Stone Cold grabs Bad Big Bubba, Bad Big Bubba goes 'woohoo, I'm bad', bad big bubba grabs Stone Cold by the balls, flips him over, and Bad Big Bubba wins. End of Round one".

    Another type of show I can't stand is soap operas. Those daytime talk shows remind me a lot like those stupid soaps. Only difference is is that there are no subject titles, and no audience in the soaps. Whoever heard of a show that showed nothing but a dimmed lit room in a house with a man and his wife's best friend in there saying, "You know, we oughtta quit this. one day we're gonna get caught." Of course, they always end that scene with the Man's wife coming in the room going, "Oh my god!! Honey, I want a divorce, you stupid bastard!!" You know what true story I think should become a soap? The Bill Clinton Scandal. And in the credits it would say, "Based on the book by Kenneth Starr which was based on a true story." I could see it now, Hillary Clinton walks in on Bill and Monica and goes, "Honey!! You didn't!! What would the people think!!" Bill Clinton would be like, "You Bitch!! I'm sick of your bitchy attitude!!"

THE BALLAD OF JOHN LENNON

 

Among the hills of Liverpool, England
1940 you was born.
In the '50s you picked up a guitar.
You played at the cavern in your own band
And have got some fans.
Your band was called the Quarry Men
And now you got some money to spend.
Your band consisted of yourself, Paul, George, Stu, and Pete.
On that stage you always stood on your feet.
You played songs from famous American groups,
But you never played for the American troops.
With songs like "You Really Got A Hold On Me"
You had to pay a copyright fee.
Pete had to quit, and so did Stu,
And you ran into a guy who had rings on every finger,
He was a drummer and a singer.
The 1960s rolled around,
The 1950s had ended.
You changed the name to an inspired name from an American group
So now you have the fame to play like an American group.
The Beatles was your idea that obviously succeeded
You would never become defeated.
With songs like "Love Me Do"
You didn't have to pay a copyright fee to.
Your new band consisted of yourself, George, Paul, and Ringo.
You and Paul made a good songwriting team.
In '64 you played for Ed Sullivan
And you became famous.
In '68 your group's best selling album was released
And in 1970 your famous group broke up and went solo.
None of them liked to play Polo.
In the next 10 years you released number one's
With "Imagine" and "Love" being among.
You and Yoko had a son named Sean
And had fun with him at dawn.
Little did you know the '70s would be your last years,
So you didn't have any fears.
1980 rolled around, you had 11 months left.
You released one more album,
And didn't release such demos as "Free As A Bird" or "Real Love"
But your group did 16 years later.
You were shot in the back and died on
December 08, 1980.
John Lennon, We all love you!

AMERICA'S DRINK TRAVELS TO THE NET

Computers mean the Internet, the Internet means websites, and websites mean website reviews. What is a website, you ask? A website is a site on the Internet where you can get information, download things, chat, or play games. Companies own most websites. There are over a billion websites on the internet right now, but this month I'm going to review one website in particular, the Coca-Cola website.

The Coke website has been around for three years. On their site you can fill out a survey about how you felt about the site. One of the questions on the survey asks you if the site is on your top 10 list. My answer was yes. You can read Coke's stock updates, and Coke's mission statement, you can get gifts, send e-cards (Hallmark cards by e-mail), buy coke souvenirs from their nifty trading post. You can also download neat things like screen savers to use on your computer. This site also has links to Coca-Cola Japan, Coca-Cola France, and other Coca-Cola websites around the world.

Like I said, I added the website to my top 10 list. If you'd like to view the Coca-Cola website, just point your browser to "http://www.coca-cola.com."

HE HAS THE HEALING POWER

 

(This was an attempt at trying to write a Christian song)

(VERSE 1:)
I know a man
who could heal just about everybody!
He is my lord and my savior
when I was born!
When I was down
he picked me up.
When I was up
he took me higher!
When Satan came in,
he took him out!

(Chorus:)
He has the healing power!
He can heal each and every one of us
he has the healing power!
When I'm blind I can see!
He has the healing power!
When I'm deaf I can hear!
He has the healing power!
When I am weak I am strong!
He has the healing power,
and it's the same to you!

(VERSE 2:)
I know a man
who saved my life today!
Mother Mary named him Jesus
when he was born.
His dad was lord,
his dad is lord!
He healed the world!
He can heal the world!
When Satan came in,
he threw him out!

(Chorus)

(VERSE 1)

(Chorus)

Rejected

I'm ignored
I'm an outcast

How do you feel if you're always last?
How do you feel if all your peers pick on you?
How do you feel if the girls aren't interested in you?
How do you feel if your whole life was trash because of the assholes you dealt with in the past?

Me, I always feel rejected
And I hate it
Me, I always feel rejected
And I don't like it
Me, I always feel rejected
And it makes me feel worthless
Me, I always feel rejected
And it makes me feel like trash and scum
Me, I always feel rejected
And it makes me feel depressed!

I have to deal with assholes all the time, and I don't like it
A girl I like isn't interested in me, I hate to hear that it makes me feel worse
People I want to hang out with me don't want to, do I really want to hang out with them?
People are always throwing parties but never invite me, what's up with that?
I can't stand anybody, why should I, they can't stand me
I'm a member of the outcast, and why, because they made me be
Why can't they just leave me be and start to like me?

Why can't any girl ever be interested in me?
What is wrong with me?
Where did I go wrong in life?
Why can't anyone like me for who I am and not for what I got?
I mean, I'm not a trouble maker I'm a good guy
Why can't they ever see that?
I'm always rejected and I'm getting sick of it!

Me, I always feel rejected
And I hate it
Me, I always feel rejected
And I don't like it
Me, I always feel rejected
And it makes me feel worthless
Me, I always feel rejected
And it makes me feel like trash and scum
Me, I always feel rejected
And it makes me feel depressed!

I FEEL SO LONELY, I FEEL SO DEPRESSED

 

I feel so lonely!
I feel so depressed!
Nobody wants me around,
yes that's how I feel!
It f*****g sucks!
I feel so lonely!
I feel so depressed!
Got to get away from here!
I feel so damn ignored!
Nobody'd talk to me!
I feel so depressed!
I feel so lonely!
I feel so lonely!
I feel so depressed!
Got to get away from here!
I wish I were as free as a bird
because it's the next best
thing to be!
Whatever happened to the life
that I once knew?
I wish I could fly away!
Gotta get away from here!
Feel so lonely!
Feel so depressed!

JUST TO KEEP THE PEACE

 

There've been a lot of wars
that our country went to,
just to keep the peace!
A lot of people died in these wars
just to keep the peace!
Now I don't think there should be wars,
I think there should be treaties!
Because we need the peace!

(Chorus:)
Peace!
No need for wars
just to keep the peace!
Peace!
No need to fight
because we need the peace!
Peace!
Just to keep the peace!
Peace,
because we need the peace!

There's been a lot of guns
that have shot nice people!
So we need the peace!
A lot of nice people died from those guns!
We should keep the peace!
Now I don't think there should be guns!
I think there should be nice clubs
because we need the peace!

(Chorus)

(rap:)
Yo, man, I hope yoe listenin',
because peace,
you know we need it!
Not to go be a thief, but to be really
free,
'cuz you don't wanna
pay a fee to heaven
right about now,
unless you wanna give people frowns
and let 'em be down!
You should read "War And Peace"
'cuz it's not for my feet,
it's for you to read,
so we can be freed,
and that's my rap, and it ain't crap!
So peace,
I'm outta here!
Have a feast after you started peace!

(Chorus)

I’m A Gamblin’ Man

 

I like to play poker and
I like to play black jack and
I like to play roulette, man!
I'm a gamblin' man!
I like to play craps,
I like to bet on races,
I like to play 5 card stud, man!
I'm a gamblin' man!

(Bridge:)
I'm a gamblin' man
so I live in Las Vegas,
and Atlantic City!
I'm a gamblin' man,
so I gamble everyday!
I'm a gamblin' man,
so I gamble every night!

I live in Nevada and
I live in New Jersey and
I like to win money, man!
I'm a gamblin' man!
I like to lose cash,
I like to win more cash,
I like to play slot machines, man!
I'm a gamblin' man!

(Bridge)

Prostitutes (parody of “Waterfalls” by TLC)

 

(1)Your girlfriend's goin' out for the night
so you think it's fun to pick up on someone!
If at anytime you do this she'll be
leaving your side!
'Cuz you don't realize that it hurts her so much!
But all the yellin' just ain't helping at all!
'Cuz you can't seem to stop
pickin' up on someone
so you go out and find people on the street
to give money to the fastest way you know how!
Another person getting AIDS!

(Chorus:)Don't go chasing prostitutes!
Please stick to the girlfriends
that you're used to!
I know that you're gonna have it
your way or nothing at all,
but I know you'll get AIDS if you do!

(2)Hugh Grant has a natural obsession
for prostitutes but he just can't see!
That lady gave him lovin' that his body
could handle
but all he could say is, baby, there's a
cop out there!
And next thing he knows, he's put in jail!
Then he doesn't recognize what he did!!
His career is fading & he doesn't know why
11 letters gave him another film,
y'all don't hear me!

(Chorus)

(Spoken:)(M:)Hey, baby, how's it goin'?
(W:)Good.  I'm so horny for you!
(M:)I'm horny for you too!
(W:)Will you take me home with you?
(M:)Sure thing!  Get in my nice car!
(W:)That'll be $100 the 1st hour!
(M:)Fine with me!

(Chorus)

OLD FORD PINTO

 

(1)
I've got an Old Ford Pinto that's painted in gold.
I've got an Old Ford Pinto because I'm poor!
It's the crummiest car so it can't go far.

(Bridge1:)
I kicked it the other day and I have to say
"The bumper came off, yes it just popped off!
the bumper came off, yes it just popped off!
the bumper came off, yes it just fell off!"

(2)
I've got an Old Ford Pinto because it's all I could afford!
I've got an Old Ford Pinto because I'm poor!
It's the crappiest car, so it can't drive far!
I kicked it the other day
and I have to say,

(Bridge2:)
"The wheel came off, yes it was a bad deal!
The wheel came off, yes it just fell off!"

(3)
I trashed that Old Ford Pinto and I bought a Chevy S10,
and it runs pretty good, just look under the hood
if you could, but I think you should.
and I know you would.
That truck didn't cost a buck, in fact it cost 16000,
in fact it weighs 3 tons, man!
I kicked it the other day, and I have to say,
"Nothing came off!  Yes it's the best truck!
Nothing came off!  Yes it's a good truck!"
Ford Pinto's suck!  Yes they do!
You're a fool if you buy one!
I kicked it, oh yes it fell apart!
Oh yeah, I kicked it, it came apart!

(I LIVE IN A) 2 STORIED CARDBOARD BOX

(note: this is another joke I wrote)

 

One day I passed an old shack
with a sign in front of it saying
"Shack Records, record all you want for a buck."
So I decided to go on in
and try out my crappy sound.
So I went on in, put on the fallin' apart headphones
and I came up with this song.

(verse:)
All I could afford is a buck
so I can't even buy a duck
unless it's rubber!
I have a job on the street,
and my feet have no shoes!
Every time I'm finished on the
street, I go home to a

(chorus:)
2 story cardboard box!
Yes, I live in a 2 storied cardboard box!

(verse:)
It's wallpaper is toilet paper,
it's skylight is a little piece of glass,
it's front door is a door I ripped off that Ford Pinto
that rammed into my 2 story cardboard box
just the other day!

(Chorus)

(verse:)
I drive a store cart
with a cardboard sign on it that says,
"This is a Ferarri, don't touch it!"
Every day I drive it home
to my 2 story cardboard box!
(Chorus)

(verse:)
Now the 1st story is
when you're sitting down
the 2nd is when you're standing in my little
2 story cardboard box
decorated in toilet paper
with the store cart parked in the
collapsable garage, to drive later,
oh yes!

(Chorus)

So don't feel sorry for me
let me do it myself!

(Chorus)

(A DAY IN THE LIFE) OF A PICKED ON KID

 

(note: this is another joke I wrote.  I wrote it during my days I used to work at Harp’s)

At 6 my clock goes off!
I wake up, take a bath, get dressed
and nothing else!
I sit around staring out the window
for the next hour!
I'd then walk to school with 5 bags!
1 named George, 'nother named Bob, 3rd named Fred, 4th named Billy, 5th named Drop Dead Fred!
I got to school!
I hear people laughing at me behind my back!
I don't care!
I'm such a dwork,
People pick on me!
At 6 I go to work,
you know who I am, who are you?
I'm a courtesy clerk, you know that!
So you purposely make a mess & I'd have to clean it!
I'm busy dang it!
I'm tryin' to stock bread
leave me alone!
You just take all the carts to make me mad
now I'll have to bust you!
No punks allowed in this store!
you piss all over both the bathrooms, so guess what I do now?
I have to clean the bathrooms!
QUIT PICKING ON ME!
I suck at everything
YOU HATE ME!
I make you mad purposely because
YOU CAN'T STAND ME!
I'm movin' to a different town man,
BECAUSE YOU CAN'T STAND ME!

NEWSPAPER DELIVERY BOY

 

Woke up in the mornin' at 3, sayin' to myself
I'm ready to get a beating again!
5 days a week, Why me?
I get beat up too bad!
why me?
I just deliver your stinking paper!
Throw rocks at me, shoot your slingshot at me!
Dennis, leave me alone!  Haven't you hurt me enough?
I just deliver your stinkin' paper!
I throw the paper at your face!
Oops, sorry!  Supposed to hit your step, Sir!
You get all red eyed!
Uh-Oh!
Mr. Wilson, I didn't mean to!
Sorry, apology accepted kid!
Have a heart for me,
I'm just a money earnin', losin', can't readin', writin', stinkin' newspaper delivery boy!
I had to deliver one to this house in Chicago!
Watch out, it's booby trapped!
Oh crap!
Kevin's at it again!
No one cares for the paperboy
why should they?
What's the paper say today, Fred?
It says Fred's dead!
How's that?  Fred's me!
Watch out, Fred!
Oh no!  Kevin and Dennis are behind me!
Hahahaha!  He's just a poor paperboy!
Let's give him a beating, a weggie, let's
take all his money, and scram, and his newspapers too and his Mace!
Boy, you're a stupid newspaper delivery boy!
in the news today, Fred the paperboy gets beat down by Kevin McCalister, Dennis the Menace, OJ Simpson, Michael Jackson, and my A.K!
Oh my god, Fred's dead!
Yeah!  And I'm takin' over as the
paperboy for your route!  My name's George!
If you mess with me I'll use my series 4-D Atomizer
like my friend Will did as an MIB!
Oops, nobody's supposed to know!
I'm just a stupid paperboy!
In the news today, George on route 69
was abducted by bug like aliens from the
planet "goatadamzipaleedoodahzipadeeayoolalaee!" We now bring you back to our
regularly scheduled program!

Ask You Out

Girl, why can I not do this?
(Ask you out?)
Girl, why can I not do it?
(Ask you out?)

(verse:)
I want to ask you out but I just can't do it
Why can't I ever go through with it?
I want to but I just can't do it
I like you a lot, what's wrong with this?

(chorus:)
I want to
(Ask you out)
But I just can't
(Ask you out)
Why can't I
(Ask you out)
Oh, why can't I
(Ask you out)

(verse:)
Is it because I'm afraid of rejection?
(I guess so)
Is it because I don't want to hear you say no?
(I think so)
Is it because I'm the extremely shy type?
(I think so)

(chorus)

The 60s - poem

I’m a fan of 1960s pop culture and history.  Here is a poem I wrote about the 1960s.

THE 60s

The 60s changed the world,
The 60s changed the society,
The 60s changed the music,
The 60s changed the politicians,
The 60s changed the musicians,
The 60s changed our minds,
The 60s changed thoughts of war,
The 60s changed the art,
The 60s created the hippies,
The 60s created the peace sign,
The 60s created the Beatles,
The 60s killed John F. Kennedy and his brother (RFK),
The 60s killed Martin Luther King,
The 60s killed Malcolm X!
What happened in Berkeley in the 60s?
What happened in Chicago in the 60s?
What happened in Mississippi and Alabama in the 60s?
What happened in Washington in the 60s?
What happened in Dallas in the 60s?
What happened in Woodstock in the 60s?
What happened in the 60s?
What went on during the 60s?
The 60s changed it all!

I Drank A Whole Lotta Beer - country music parody

I wrote this in high school as a parody to country music.

I DRANK A WHOLE LOTTA BEER

I drank a whole lotta whiskey,
I drank a whole lotta beer,
I drove my Ford Pick-up truck
while hurdlin' some cattle on me farm!
I drank a whole lotta beer
and gots throwin' in prison!
I told the cops I had to see me baby,
do I gis a phone call?
"No! You killed Wyatt, Shyitt, & Billy!"
I drank a whole lotta whiskey,
so I bet me wife miss me!
I drank a whole lotta whiskey,
I drank a whole lotta beer!

Jail

I robbed a bank,
now I have to pay the price
for a million pounds of rice,
now I can't play with dice,
so I'm gonna go pick a fight,
after that I hide, but I failed!
Now I'm gonna have to go to jail
with no bail!
And that's hail, 'cuz I was caught
and they threw me in a car, a police car!
And it went far to the station,
then it stopped and I broke loose,
and they were chasin' me down!
I was facin' some dogs who were gonna do some
rearrangin'!
I got caught so they shoved me in the police car!
I was cussin' and fussin' at the police men!
Then we got there and they threw me in the pen!
One man said, "Hot!"
I said, "Yes, need a fan!"
Next week I broke out of jail
and I croaked!

Freak (Parody of “Creep” by TLC)

 

Here she comes again, and I'm gone

oh I, oh I, oh I am
oh I, oh I, oh I am
oh I, oh I, oh I am!

(1)The 1st of freakness and I've
been through so many thangs
I got a girl who's not normal looking
but I know she has a nose ring!
I look her in the eyes but all she
tells me is that she's getting an eyelid pierced,
I'll never let her get it pierced though!
I might get a nose ring only
'cuz I need some attention, oh!

(Chorus:)She's a freak, yeah!
Can't scream it-keep it low!
She said her parents can't know!
She's a freak, yeah!
'Cuz she doesn't know
what to do to get real attention
it goes to show to not be a freak!

(2)The 2nd of freakness
and we don't talk to each other anymore!
Now I feel pretty good!
Now to get a real girl who feels the same as me!
Yeah, yeah!
I'll give her lovin' till the day she get's a tongue ring
she'll never do that when she finds out
I won't care for it!

(Chorus)

(3)I think about us, baby, all the time,
but you know I can't stand nose rings!
I love you forever, baby!
And you gotta know, I don't stand those things!

(Chorus)

(4)You're a freak around me
'cuz I hate it!
Don't mess around with me!

(Chorus)