QUIT GRIPING AT THE 3RD SHIFT PEOPLE GREETER

 

WHAT’S THIS PLACE’S PROBLEM?
OVERNIGHT BY THE DOOR, WHAT’S THERE TO DO?
NO ONE COMES IN.
NO ONE GOES OUT!

CAN’T SIT,
CAN’T READ
CAN’T DO NOTHIN’ WITHOUT SOMEONE GETTIN’ RUDE OVER IT!

I GREET ALL THE CUSTOMERS.
I GREET ALL THE PEOPLE THAT GO THROUGH THE DOORS.
SO WHY SHOULD IT MATTER?

THEY EXPECT YOU TO JUST WALK UP AND DOWN THE CARPET DOING NOTHING BUT LOOKIN’ LIKE A FOOL!

WASH WINDOWS?
THEY DON’T PAY ME ENOUGH TO BE A JANITOR! 
I’M NOT PAID ENOUGH TO DO SOMEONE ELSE’S JOB,
I’M NOT PAID ENOUGH TO EVEN HELP THOSE WHO JUST IGNORE ME!

I’M PAID TO WATCH THE DOOR, PUSH CARTS, AND PICK UP TRASH
(NOT EVEN PAID ENOUGH TO DO THAT)
I AT LEAST DO MY JOB AND MAKE SURE IT’S DONE BY 6:30
SO WHY CAN’T THEY LEAVE ME ALONE,
AND STOP BUGGIN’?

REJECTED PART 2

 

MY LIFE –
GO HOME, SLEEP, GO TO WORK
THAT’S MY EVERY DAY ROUTINE.

DON’T GOT A SOCIAL LIFE
UNLESS I GO ONLINE
WHY ARE PEOPLE SO MEAN?

THEY AREN’T HATEFUL,
THEY JUST LIKE TO IGNORE YOU.
YOU’RE NOT PART OF THERE CLIQUE SO THEY REJECT YOU.

SO I HARDLY HAVE ANYBODY TO HANG WITH, IF SO NOT EVEN TWO.

THERE’S ONE GIRL I LIKE HERE,
BUT I DON’T THINK SHE LIKES ME THAT WAY, CAN’T ASK HER, ‘FRAID I’D GET REJECTED ONCE MORE!

THE ONLY GIRL I KNOW WHO LIKES ME THAT WAY
(I LIKE HER TOO)
LIVES IN PHOENIX, AND THERE’S NO TELLING WHEN I BE ABLE TO GO BACK THERE.

WHEN I DRINK, I DRINK ALONE
NO ONE ELSE WILL DRINK WITH ME.
WHAT’S THE POINT, WHAT’S THE USE?
I DRINK EVERY DAY, BUT WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO DO?
SO I DRINK TO ESCAPE FROM BOREDOM

SPEND EVERY DAY BY MYSELF
WATCH MOVIES BY MYSELF
ENJOY MUSIC BY MYSELF
PLAY MUSIC FOR MYSELF
HOW CAN A PERSON ENJOY LIFE WHEN THEY ALWAYS SPENDING IT BY THEMSELVES?

EVERY DAY I FEEL REJECTED.
I FEEL NO ONE REALLY WANTS TO BE AROUND ME, OR ME AROUND THEM.
THEY WALK BY AND JUST IGNORE MY ASS LIKE I DON’T EXIST OR SUMTHIN’.
NO WONDER I FEEL SO REJECTED.

AND IF THEY REALLY WANNA BE MY FRIEND THEY AIN’T TRYIN’ HARD ENOUGH SO I JUST START FEELING REJECTED.

BEAUTY

Beauty is found in girls,

girls with blonde hair I grow fond of!

Girls with brown hair don't make me frown!

I like all different kinds of girls

that's why I have a ball,

that's why I wanna fall in love with one

so I can have some fun!

Beauty is found in girls

that make me whirl to stare!

Beauty is found in girls

that I think are so hot,

so they're on top of my list!

Beauty is found in girls!

Go away, faggots, because beauty is

found in girls!

That make me stare!

Beauty is found in girls!

CONFUSED

I’M SO CONFUSED.

I FEEL GOD IS TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING

BUT IT’S REALLY HARD TO TELL.

I FEEL HE’S SAYING HE WANTS ME BACK IN PHOENIX,

BUT DOES HE REALLY?

I FEEL HE WANTS ME TO BE WITH THIS GIRL THERE.

BUT DOES HE REALLY?

THAT GIRL HASN’T BEEN ONLINE TO TALK TO FOR 2 WEEKS.

IS HE TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING ELSE?

I FEEL HE WANTS ME TO HELP THE VICTIMS OF LAST YEAR’S TERROR ATTACKS.

BUT BY DOING WHAT?

I FEEL HE WANTS ME IN MUSIC.

BUT DOING WHAT?

I CAN’T SING A NOTE,

AND I’M NOT AS GIFTED AS DYLAN OR CLAPTON OR LENNON.

I JUST KNOW A LOT ABOUT MUSIC,

KNOW A HIT SONG, AND HAVE A LOVE AND PASSION FOR IT.

I’M SO CONFUSED.

WHAT IS GOD REALLY TRYING TO TELL ME?

HE’S GOT A PLAN FOR EVERYONE.

BUT WHAT IS MINE?

YOU WON’T SUCCEED AT ALL

(Note: on the 1st anniversary of 9/11 I wrote this song as a Patriotic song to tell Osama Bin Laden that he would never succeed in destroying America.)

YOU CAN DESTROY BUILDINGS OF GREAT POWER
YOU CAN DESTROY BUILDINGS OF GREAT ARCHITECTURE
YOU CAN TRY TO DESTROY OUR SPIRITS
YOU CAN TRY AND TAKE OUR FREEDOM AWAY
YOU MAY SUCCEED IN TWO –
BUT YOU WILL NOT SUCCEED IN ALL.
NO – YOU WILL NOT SUCCEED IN ALL!

YOU TRIED TO DESTROY OUR SPIRITS.
YOU TRIED TO BRING THIS COUNTRY DOWN.
YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD IN DESTROYING THE WORLD TRADE CENTER.
YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD IN DESTROYING THE PENTAGON
YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD BY WANTING TO DESTROY D.C.
BUT YOU DIDN’T SUCCEED AT ALL.
NO – YOU DIDN’T SUCCEED AT ALL!

(SPOKEN:)
MR. BIN LADEN, KISS MY WHITE AMERICAN ASS!!!

OSAMA BIN LADEN – SUCH A COWARD.
OSAMA BIN LADEN – SUCH A FOOL.
OSAMA BIN LADEN – SO FULL OF HATRED.
OSAMA BIN LADEN – SO CRUEL.
HE TRIED TO DESTROY US ON 9/11/01
BUT HE DIDN’T SUCCEED AT ALL.
NO – HE DIDN’T SUCCEED AT ALL!

OSAMA BIN LADEN – SO STUPID!
THOUGHT THAT AMERICA WAS ABOUT MONEY AND POWER.
THOUGHT THAT AMERICA WAS ABOUT RICHES AND FAME.
WHEN AMERICA IS REALLY ALL ABOUT SPIRIT AND FREEDOM.
OSAMA BIN LADEN – NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY
YOU CAN’T DESTROY THAT.
NO – YOU CAN’T DESTROY THAT.
YOU’LL NEVER BRING THIS COUNTRY DOWN.

DEDICATED TO HEROES OF 9/11

 

YOU CHANGED EVERYBODY’S VIEWS OF HEROES LAST 9/11
BEFORE THAN WE ALL LOOKED UP TO CELEBRITIES
WE ALL LOOKED UP TO MOVIE ACTORS,
MUSICIANS, STARS.
BEFORE THAN WE ALL LOOKED UP TO
CHARACTERS IN MOVIES AND ON TV.
BEFORE THAN WE NEVER KNEW WHO A REAL HERO WAS.
BEFORE THAN WE REALLY DIDN’T KNOW.

YOU SPENT ALL HOURS OF THE DAY TRYING TO HELP THE VICTIMS.
SACRIFICING YOUR OWN LIVES SO THAT OTHERS WILL LIVE.
NYPD, FDNY, PAPD AND THOSE ON FLIGHT 93 –
IF THAT AIN’T WHAT TRUE HEROISM IS,
THEN THERE AIN’T NO SUCH THING.
NO, THERE AIN’T NO SUCH THING.

YOU ALL HELPED THOSE WHO WERE IN TIME OF NEED.
A LOT OF YOU SACRIFICED YOUR LIVES
SO THAT OTHERS WILL SURVIVE – LIVE.
PROUD OF YOU.
PROUD OF YOU ALL.
IF NOT FOR YOU,
THAN WHERE WOULD WE BE TODAY?
HOW WOULD WE FEEL?
TO THE HEROES OF 9/11,
THANK YOU.

BIG CITY LIFE

Suburbs all around you.

Sidewalks all around you.

City Streets every where you go.

City boundaries no where in sight.

People all around you.

Public transportation everywhere you turn

Every where all types of people.

Every where all types of businesses.

Every where all types of homes.

Every where no country life in site.

Down town, big buildings everywhere

All kinds of night life everywhere.

All kinds of things to do.

All kinds of ways to get around

You can see the neon lights from a mile away

You look up towards the sky, and see

Over 30 commercial jets.

Look up, you see the city’s tallest buildings.

The city can have 3 to 4 freeways all to itself (Maybe more.)

You can drive over 10 miles, and still have a

Ways to go to leave the city!

Growing up in the city may be rough and hard, but it’s

Better than being raised up in the country.

Never have to be at home.

Places to go and things to do.

Sidewalks to walk or ride a bike on

Zillion malls to go.

Zillion clubs, movie theaters.

When you think the city stops growing, it grows 2 million more,

New businesses come in, and new suburbs.

More people move in and all the empty land becomes

Home to more housing developments!

You’d think I’d hate to go back and wouldn’t think about it.

But I’d die to go back and can’t wait for the day that I do!

DON’T NEED TO BE

DON’T NEED TO BE HERE IN THIS STORE
DON’T NEED TO BE HERE IN THIS CITY
DON’T NEED TO BE HERE IN THIS STATE

DON’T NEED TO BE BROKE
DON’T NEED TO BE POOR
DON’T NEED TO BE FEELIN’ HURT
DON’T NEED TO BE FEELIN’ SOAR
DON’T NEED TO BE FEELIN’ PAIN

I NEED TO BE IN THE MUSIC BUSINESS
I NEED TO BE IN PHOENIX
I NEED TO BE IN ARIZONA

I NEED TO BE RICH
I NEED TO HAVE FAME
I NEED TO SHOW THE JERKS HOW AND WHO  I BECAME
I NEED TO FEEL LOVE
AND I THINK I’D HAVE IT BACK IN PHOENIX, ARIZONA!

Tired

 

TIRED OF ALWAYS BEIN’ ALONE
TIRED OF NOT HAVING A LIFE
TIRED OF NOT HAVING A SOCIAL LIFE
TIRED OF BEING IN ARKANSAS
TIRED OF BEING BROKE
TIRED OF BEING POOR
TIRED OF BEING IGNORED
TIRED OF NEVER HANGING OUT
TIRED OF LIVING A LIFE THAT’S SO PACKED FULL OF LIES
TIRED OF NEVER HAVING ANY MONEY
TIRED OF NOT BEING ABLE TO GO ANYWHERE
TIRED OF NOT BEING BACK IN ARIZONA
TIRED OF MY LIFE JUST PASSING ME BY
TIRED OF NOT HAVING ANY FRIENDS
TIRED OF ALWAYS BEING UNHAPPY
TIRED OF NEVER BEING HAPPY
TIRED OF 2ND SHIFT LEAVING ME SUCH A MESS
TIRED OF LIVING
BECAUSE I’M LIVING A LIFE OF DEPRESSION AND BOREDOM
I FEEL I WANT TO DIE
BECAUSE I’M FEELING JUST WAY TOO TIRED OF LIVING
A NON-HAPPY LIFE!
A NON-LIVING LIFE!
TIRED OF LIVING A SAD AND DEPRESSED LIFE!

ALONE

EVERY DAY I GET OFF WORK I GO HOME.

THERE AIN’T NOBODY THERE.

I FEEL LIKE NOBODY CARES.

IT REALLY AIN’T FAIR!

EVERY DAY I FEEL ALL ALONE!

THE ONLY PEOPLE I’M AROUND IS WHO I WORK WITH.

MOST OF THEM IGNORE ME.

I FEEL LIKE NOBODY CARES FOR ME.

IT REALLY AIN’T FAIR TO ME!

EVERY DAY I FEEL ALL ALONE!

THE FOOLS THROW PARTIES AND NEVER BOTHER INVITING ME.

THEY ALL JUST IGNORE ME.

NONE OF THEM REALLY WANT ME AROUND!

IT AIN’T FAIR AT ALL!

EVERY DAY I FEEL ALL ALONE!

AIN’T GOT MANY FRIENDS.

NO ONE WANTS TO TRY.

EVERY DAY I FEEL I GOT TO CRY!

THEY’D RATHER BE FRIENDS WITH OTHERS.

HOW UNFAIR!

EVERY DAY I FEEL ALL ALONE!

NO ONE EVEN CALLS ME ON THE PHONE.

WASTE OF MONEY TO EVEN HAVE!

THE ONLY FRIENDS I HAVE IS VERY FEW

HARDLY HANG OUT, AND MOST 20 TO 30 YEARS OLDER.

WHY IS IT THAT I FEEL SO ALONE?

ALONE AND NOWHERE TO EVEN GO.

ALONE AND NOWHERE TO GO BUT HOME!

SO ALONE, I FEEL I SHOULD THROW OUT MY PHONE!

SO ALONE I WROTE SO MANY DEPRESSING POEMS!

EVERY DAY I FEEL SO ALONE!

I NEED TO GET OUT OF ARKANSAS.

I NEED TO GO BACK TO PHOENIX.

I FEEL I WON’T BE ALONE THAN.

I FEEL THAT GOD SAID SO.

BUT UNTIL THAT DAY COME –

I’LL BE FEELIN’ ALL ALONE!

ALL ALONE, EVERY DAY.

SO I JUST END UP BACK HOME.

NO PARTIES, NO FRIENDS TO GO TO,

SO I JUST GO HOME, FEELING ALL ALONE!

I LOVE YOU, MARY

 

BACK IN ’95 WAS WHEN WE FIRST MET.
YOU SAT NEXT TO ME IN CLASS
AND STARTED TALKING TO ME.
YOU WERE SO SWEET AND CUTE.

I CAN’T BELIEVE I FINALLY GOT IN TOUCH WITH YOU AGAIN!
AND YOU STILL SOUND AS SWEET AS EVER!
TO THIS DAY I STILL THINK ABOUT YOU.
I WISHED I ASKED YOU OUT BACK THAN,
BUT I NEVER DID!
I WAS TOO SHY, AND I STILL AM.

I CHEATED LOVE, BUT I GOT A SECOND CHANCE.
I DON’T WANT TO BLOW IT AGAIN!
I WISH I WAS BACK IN PHOENIX RIGHT NOW
HOLDING YOUR HAND, AND
LOVING YOU AS MUCH AS I CAN.
MARY, I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL.
I WANT TO LOVE YOU TILL WE GROW OLD.
LOVE YOU UNTIL THE DAY I DIE.
WHEN NOT AROUND YOU, I JUST WANT TO CRY!

I THINK ABOUT EVERY DAY.
PLEASE TELL ME IF THAT’S OK?
I’M THINKING ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW AS I WRITE THIS.
I JUST WISH I KNEW THE RIGHT WORDS TO SAY.
PLEASE TELL ME IF THIS POEM IS OK.

I KNOW I MAY SOUND SILLY BECAUSE I STILL HARDLY KNOW YOU,
BUT SOMETHING TOLD ME YOU’RE THE ONE FOR ME.
I THINK MAYBE IT WAS GOD.

I THINK GOD WAS ALSO TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING
LAST FALL, BUT I JUST DIDN’T LISTEN.
LAST FALL AN EX-FRIEND COMMITTED CREDIT CARD FRAUD
WITH MY CARD.
SO I KNOW GOD WAS TRYING TO TELL ME
NOT TO GO BACK TO FORT SMITH.
EVER SINCE THAN, I’VE BEEN WANTING TO GO BACK TO PHOENIX!

NOW WITH ALL THE SIGNS I’VE BEEN SEEING,
I BELIEVE IT EVEN MORE, AND I BELIEVE IN GOD EVEN MORE.
I KNOW WHERE GOD WANTS ME TO BE, AND I NEED TO GO THERE.

HE WANTS ME TO BE BACK IN PHOENIX WITH YOU!
MARY HODGES, YOU’RE THE ONLY GIRL I THINK ABOUT,
AND I LOVE YOU!
I TRULY LOVE YOU!
I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART!!!!

A MESSAGE TO GOD

(written during what I’d like to call my “Great Depression”)

DEAR GOD,

WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY LIFE?

WHAT AM I PAYING THE PRICE FOR?

DON’T FEEL I SHOULD BE HERE NO MORE.

MY LIFE IS SCREWED

BECAUSE PEOPLE CAN BE SO CRUEL.

SOMETIMES I FEEL IT’S GOTTA BE THROUGH.

BUT I DON’T WANNA END IT.

SO I JUST GOTTA LIVE IT.

I DO BELIEVE IN YOU,

BUT IT’S GETTING HARD TO.

I FEEL I LOST MY FAITH IN YOU.

THOSE YEARS I WENT TO CHURCH, I PRAYED FOR HELP

AND I NEVER GOT ANY.

THEY SAY YOU HELP WHEN YOU READY TO.

BUT WHAT IF SOMEONE IS IN DESPERATE NEED?

PLEASE HEAR MY PLEA!

DEAR GOD,

IF YOU OUT THERE, PLEASE!

I’M DOWN ON MY KNEES, BEGGIN’

PLEASE, PLEASE, HELP ME!

I CHEATED LOVE

 

I FEEL I CHEATED LOVE.
I WISH I SHOULDN’T’VE.
WHY DO I FEEL I CHEATED LOVE?

I WISH I COULD GO BACK TO ’95, WHY?
THERE WAS A GURL I MET BACK IN SCHOOL.
GOD, I FEEL LIKE SUCH A FOOL.
SHE SEEMED TO BE VERY COOL. 
WHY WAS I A FOOL?

SHE SEEMED TO BE REAL SWEET.
SHE DIDN’T ACT LIKE A TEASE.
SHE WAS REAL CUTE,
I MISS LOOKIN’ AT HER
GOD, SHE WAS CUTE!

NOW I’M 22.
I WISH THAT I KNEW HOW I COULD FIND HER
BUT I’M LOOKIN’
AND HOPIN’ THAT MAYBE WE’LL GET TOGETHER.

MY PARENTS ARE CONFUSED

 

MY DAD SAYS I’M CONFUSED
JUST BECAUSE HE PAYS MORE ATTENTION TO THE NEWS
BUT I DO KNOW THAT HE’S THE ONE MORE CONFUSED.
HE LOOKS AT ME AND HE JUST LAUGHS.
I THINK IT HAS TO DO WITH HIS BOOZE!
HE LOOKS AT ME AND ACTS LIKE HE’S
WISER JUST BECAUSE HE’S OLDER!
HE MAY BE MY FATHER, BUT I DO
THINK HE’S STUPID AT TIMES!
HE REALLY DON’T KNOW AS MUCH AS HE CLAIMS HE DO!
HE ACTS LIKE A FOOL!

MY MOM SAYS I DRESS WEIRD
JUST BECAUSE I DON’T DRESS LIKE HER.
I THINK THAT SHE’S THE ONE WHO DRESSES WEIRD.
SHE LOOKS AT ME AND SHE JUST LAUGHS.
SOMETIMES I FEEL THAT SHE’S CONFUSED.
IN HER CAR I TURN ON MY MUSIC,
SHE CAN’T EVEN TOLERATE IT, PUTS IT ON COUNTRY!
SHE MAY BE MY MOTHER, BUT I DO
THINK SHE’S WEIRD AT TIMES.

BOTH MY PARENTS NEVER RAISED ME ON MY LEVEL.
KEPT A LOT OF SHIT FROM ME.
I LEARNED ALL MY SHIT FROM THE STREETS!

LIFE IN THE SUBURBS

 

LIFE IN THE SUBURBS,
IT ISN’T VERY PRETTY.
YOU GOT YOUR JUNKIES,
AND YOU GOT YOUR SNOBS!

IF THEY DON’T LIKE YOU FOR
WHO YOU ARE, THEY WILL JUST
TAUNT YOU DAY IN AND DAY OUT.
AND IF IT GETS BAD IT WILL HAUNT
YOU ALL YOUR LIFE!

I SHOULD KNOW.
I GREW UP IN THE SUBURBS.
THE SUBURBS OF PHOENIX, ARIZONA,
AND IT WASN’T VERY PRETTY!

TO THIS DAY, MY BRAIN IS
STILL SCREWED UP FROM THOSE SIX YEARS,
MAINLY JUST THE FIRST THREE.

I STILL DON’T GET MUCH RESPECT IN LIFE.
MOST PEOPLE JUST TRY AND IGNORE ME.
MOST PEOPLE JUST SEE ME AND THEY JUST WALK BY.
I FEEL I DON’T EVEN EXIST IN THE WORLD.
SOMEONE TAKE THESE TEARS AWAY FROM ME.
TAKE AWAY ALL THIS PAIN!

SOMETIMES I WISH I COULD
GO BACK THERE AND SHOW ALL
THEM FOOLS HOW I FEEL NOW.
BECAUSE OF ALL THEM BASTARDS’ ATTITUDES!

GROWING UP IN THE SUBURBS,
IT ISN’T VERY PRETTY.
YOU HAVE YOUR SNOBS AND
YOU HAVE YOUR JUNKIES!

Letta To A Friend

Dear Dan,

What’s been up, Man?  How’s life? / These days I feel like I jus gosta cry / and ev’ry day I feel like I wanna die. / I’m in da middle of a great depression here in my life.

How’s ev’rythin’ back at da fort? / Still hangin’ wit Josh Jowers and Justin Hardwick?

My depression started last month. / Started feelin’ really iggied at work. / Really feel like ev’ry one there is bein’ jerkz / and this last Saturday mornin’ I jus broke down in tears. / Was talkin’ to someone online / (My only way o’ socialization rite now) / and next thing I kno / I start blurtin’ out my whole life / and I found out why I am always shy / and why it was always easy to press my buttons back than / (and it still is.)

Back in the day when I lived in P-H-X, A-Z I was dissed. / Not dissed the way u dissed. / I was dissed ‘cuz I was hated on. / Started when I was 9. / Before than, I felt fine, had a good life I think, damn! / Moved 2 new suburb guess it was ‘cuz I was the new kid. / Went on for 3 fu**in’ years! / When I was 13 it got even worse. / Some kid I thought was a friend started a rumor about me and shit! / I think about all this and I wanna throw a fu**in’ fit! / Only friendz I had always stabbed me in the bak! / Now the only friendz  I got r either online or 30 years older!

Don’t even talk 2 Josh Wurtsbaugh no more! / Why for? / Dat fu**in’ backstabber! / Took my debit card & committed credit card fraud wit it! / 1 G worth on fu**in’ porn! / Ran my phone up $500 on porn! / So I turned him in / the f**ka went to the pen for a few / he also gave me a grin, sayin’ he didn’t do it! / Than how cum all the sites on the bank statement I called said the orders 4 the sites were in his name & address for shippin’ info?

Because of all my problems now I have been listenin’ to a lot o’ Eminem. / I guess I sumwhat relate. / I guess his words are a mutha f**ka / they can be great. / At least wit music I could try to hide because othawise I would’ve tried suicide. / Because o’ my life I’m awefully glad I write / othawise I’d be violent, and that ain’t right. / But ev’ry fu**in’ day I’d wish I die!

I appreciate how you treated me back in high school. / For those two years in drama class what I thought you was you really wasn’t / I wish I could go bak 2 da fort 2 c y’all again / but as far as rite now I really don’t know when. / It’s really fu**ed up. / I havta talk through this pen / ‘cuz I would really luv 2 c y’all again. / I jus don’t know when. / If I go bak don’t want Wurtsbaugh seein’ me / but I’m a try because rite now I’m needin’ a real social life. / I ain’t getting’ that here. / Sometimes I feel so much fear / I’m cryin’ here, cryin’ so many tears! / I don’t think it’s fu**in’ fair!

I hope you get this, man! / Hit me back / jus 2 chat!

DEPRESSION

EVERY DAY LIVING A LIFE
SO FULL OF HATRED AND LIES.
EVERY DAY IT MAKES ME WANNA TRY SUICIDE.
EVERY DAY I JUST DON’T SEEM TO FEEL ANY PRIDE
AND IT MAKES ME NOT TO EVEN WANNA TRY.
I SIT DOWN AND I JUST WANNA CRY!
SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHY?
MY WHOLE LIFE I FELT LIKE I JUST WANTED TO DIE

WASTING AWAY (WASTING DAYS)

(Note: back in 2002 I went through a deep dark depression - this is one I wrote during that period.)

(verse 1:)
EVERY DAY, HERE AT HOME
I DON’T KNOW WHY, BUT I FEEL SO ALL ALONE
I DON’T EVER GET ANY CALLS ON THE TELEPHONE
EVERY DAY, I JUST MOAN AND GROAN
WHERE’S MY LIFE GOIN’, I DON’T KNOW
I JUST ALWAYS FEEL SO OUT OF ZONE.
EVERY DAY, HERE AT HOME

WASTING DAYS HERE AT HOME
GOTTA GET OUT BUT NOWHERE TO GO
NOTHING TO DO, SO I JUST STAY AT HOME
MY LIFE’S JUST WASTING AWAY,
I JUST MOAN AND GROAN
SPENDING ALL OF MY DAYS
EVERY DAY, HERE AT HOME

(chorus:)
WASTING AWAY
I’M JUST SITTIN’ HERE TRYIN’ TO FIGGER OUT WHAT TO DO
JUST WASTING AWAY
MY LIFE IS JUST PASSIN’ ME BY
AND I’M SITTIN’ HERE JUST WASTING AWAY
(repeat chorus again with the second line)

(verse 2:)
EVERY DAY, I GO TO WORK
AND I ALWAYS THINK I START TO GO SO BERSERK
AND AT WORK I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE THE FOOLS ARE STUPID JERKS
EVERY DAY, I FEEL SO HURT
ALL OF MY DAYS I’M TREATED LIKE DIRT
I SEE THE GURLS AND I CAN’T EVEN FLIRT
EVERY DAY, I GO TO WORK

I FEEL SO IGNORED, I GET REALLY ANNOYED.
NO ONE TO TALK TO ME, SO I FEEL I GOTTA FLEE
WITH MY PAST, I NEED TO FIND LIFE
BUT THEM FOOLS DON’T WANNA SHOW ME LIFE.
ALL THE TIME I FEEL SO OUT OF PLACE
I FEEL LIKE SOMEONE NEED TO PAY THE PRICE
EVERY DAY, I GO TO WORK

(chorus)

(verse 3:) (*sung with the chorus & chorus lines r in parentheses)
(WASTING AWAY)
EVERY DAY, HERE AT HOME
(I’M JUST SITTIN’ HERE TRYIN’ TO FIGGER OUT WHAT TO DO)
I GET SO FULL OF FEAR I DRINK A BEER
(JUST WASTING AWAY)
WITH MY LIFE I GET SO FULL OF TEARS
(MY LIFE IS JUST PASSIN’ ME BY)
I SOMETIMES FEEL LIKE NO ONE CARES
(AND I’M SITTIN’ HERE JUST WASTING AWAY)
NOT MANY REALLY DARED GIVE ME A CHANCE
(’M JUST SITTIN’ HERE TRYIN’ TO FIGGER OUT WHAT TO DO)
I NEED TO GO DANCE AND HAVE FUN BUT CAN’T
(JUST WASTING AWAY)
EVERY DAY, HERE AT HOME
(finish the rest of the chorus than start rap)

(rap:)
SITTIN’ HERE JUST WASTING AWAY BECAUSE OF MY PAST
HOW MUCH LONGER WILL MY PROBLEMS LAST?
I NEED TO FIND SOME LOVE BUT HOW FAST?
EVERY DAY I FEEL I GOTTA BLAST!
MY WHOLE LIFE I FELT TRASHED!
I JUS FEEL LIKE KICKIN’ SUM ASS!
THE BASTARDS MADE ME TO BE SAD AND MAD
AND SO FULL OF HATRED
SO SHY AND SO PETRIFIED

EVERY DAY I CRY AND WISHIN’ I DIED.
EVERY DAY I DON’T EVEN FEEL PRIDE NO MORE
NO ONE EVER BE COMIN’ KNOCKIN’ AT MY DOOR.
BECAUSE OF THIS, I DON’T EVEN WANNA LIVE NO MORE

NO ONE TO HANG WITH, NO ONE TO CHILL WITH
NO ONE TO BE COO WITH, NO ONE TO LOVE WITH
NO ONE TO BE WITH

TELL ME, WHAT’S A PERSON TO DO TO SURVIVE THIS SITUATION?
I AM SO SICK AND TIRED OF JUST SITTIN’ HERE AND WASTING MY DAYS AND WASTING MY NIGHTS.
SO SICK AND TIRED OF JUST LIVING MY LIFE. 
SO I JUST STAY AT MY CRIB AND SPEND MY LIFE JUST…

(chorus)

LIFE IN A MISERABLE WORLD

 

LIFE, WHAT IS LIFE?
I HATE LIFE!
LIFE IS WASTED TIME SPENT ON EARTH.
WASTED DAYS AND NIGHTS.
LIFE IS SPENT WANDERING WHAT TO DO WITH YO’SELF
BUT WHY WHEN U AIN’T GOT NOBODY TO DO ANYTHING WITH!
I HATE LIFE!
LIFE AIN’T NUTTIN’ BUT A STUPID GAME WHERE U LOSIN’ HALF THE TIME BECAUSE U NEVA FEEL LIKE A WINNA.
WHAT IS LIFE?
I HATE LIFE.
F*** IT.

HATRED, WHAT IS HATRED?
HATRED IS WHAT I FEEL TOWARDS EV’RYONE WHO HAS IT TOWARDS ME.
BASICALLY EVRYONE I KNOW ‘CEPT MAYBE A SELECT FEW.
HATRED IS WHAT I FEEL TOWARDS THOSE WHO CHOOSE TO IGNORE ME BECAUSE I AIN’T LIKE DEM.
HATRED IS WHAT I FEEL TOWARDS THOSE WHO NEVA INVITE ME TO PARTIES, THINKIN’ I MAY NEVA GO.
I’D DIE TO GO.
HATRED IS WHAT I FEEL EV’RYDAY BECAUSE I NEVA HAV ANY BETTA FEELIN’S IN LIFE.
PEOPLE OFTEN WONDER Y I LISTEN TO WHAT I LISTEN TO.
I LISTEN TO WHAT I LISTEN TO BECAUSE I CAN RELATE TO IT.
IT SEEM LIKE MY WHOLE LIFE ALL I SAW IS NEGATIVITY
AND I’M SEEIN’ IT MORE AND MORE EV’RYDAY.
I SEE IT WHEN I SEE PEOPLE WHO REFUSE TO PARTY OR HANG WITH ME.
I SEE IT WHEN PEOPLE CHOOSE TO DIS ME OR DOG ON ME JUS CUZ I AM THE WAY I AM.
I SEE IT WHEN PEOPLE CHOOSE TO IGNORE ME THE WAY THEY DO.
I SEE IT WHEN I STAY HOME WHEN NOT AT WORK BECAUSE THERE BEIN’ NO PLACE TO GO OR PEEPS TO CHILL WIT, BECAUSE THE PEEPS DON’T WANNA C MY ASS ANYWAY.
THEY ALL CHOOSE TO IGNORE ME.
FINE THAN.
BE DAT WAY!
MY WHOLE LIFE I WAS TOLD TO B AND THINK POSITIVE
HOW THE HECK CAN U B OR THINK POSITIVE WHEN U DON’T SEE STUFF POSITIVE?

FRIENDS?
WHAT ARE FRIENDS?
I AIN’T HAVE A CLUE, NEVA HAD NO TRU FRIENDS.
BUT TO ME, FRIENDS R THOSE WHO HANG OUT WIT U 4 A WHILE,
THAN DO WHAT THEY CAN TO TURN THEY BACKS ON U.
THEY HANG WIT U, AND THAN THEY DIS U.
DAT AIN’T NO FRIEND.
AND THEN THEY CUM BAK ROUND AND BLAME THE LOSS O’ FRIENDSHIP ON U. 
DAT AIN’T RITE.  IT AIN’T RITE.
AND THAN WHEN U TRY TO TALK TO THEM TO GET TO HANG OUT WITH ‘EM AGAIN, THEY CHOOSE TO BE PART O’ DAT CRU DAT HATE U!
SEEM LIKE THE WHOLE DAMN’ WORLD IS AGAINST U!

EV’RYTIME I DRINK, I POUR OUT SUM LIQUOR.
I DON’T KNOW Y 4.
I AIN’T GOT NO CRU, HOMEYS, NO Gs.
ALL I HAV IN LIFE IS JUS ME.
NO FRIENDS, NO GIRLS.
JUS ME.
NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY, EV’RYONE STILL CHOOSES TO IGGY ME!
THE BASTARDS KNOW I DRINK, BUT DO THEY EVER INVITE ME TO GO DRINK OR PARTY WITH THEM?
HELL NO!

PEOPLE OFTEN WONDER Y SWEARIN’ IS IN MY VOCAB.
LOOK AT MY LIFE.  SEE WHAT I HAD TO DEAL WIT, AND THAN MAYBE U’D KNO Y.
I F******’ SWEAR TO EXPRESS MY F*****’ FEELIN’S TOWARDS THIS F***** UP WORLD.
I EVEN OFTEN WONDER Y THEY NEVA SEE MY DEPRESSION.  CAN THEY NOT SEE THE SADNESS AND GLOOM ON MY FACE?
I NEVA F*****’ SMILE.  NO ONE GIMME A REASON TO.

THIS ONE GO OUT TO ALL THOSE WHO CHOSE TO HATE ON ME.  YOU ALL KNOW WHO U R. 
IT’S PRETTY MUCH JUS ‘BOUT EV’RYONE O’ Y’ALL OUT THERE.
IF U EVA GOT A HOLD O’ DIS, MAYBE THAN U WOULD UNDERSTAND Y I AM WHO I AM.  AND CHOOSE TO BE WHO I AM.

I AIN’T RELIGIOUS.  GOD NEVA HELPED ME.  I HATE RELIGION BECAUSE I GOT TO A POINT WHERE I WAS BEGINNING TO THINK IT AS FAKE.
I MEAN, HOW WOULD U FEEL IF U WANTED YO LIFE TO CHANGE SO U WENT TO CHURCH EV’RY WEEK FOR 4 STR8 YEARS,
AND GOD NEVA HELPED U?
THEY SAY GOD HELPS U IN HIS OWN TIME.  F*** DAT.  I WANT HELP NOW, DAMMIT!

F*** THE WORLD.
F*** LIFE.
F*** Y’ALL.
F*** POSITIVITY, CUZ I AIN’T NO LUCILLE BALL, SO I AIN’T GONNA BE FAKE WIT Y’ALL.
F*** U.
LIKE I SAYS EARLIER, I AIN’T GONNA B POSITIVE WHEN I DON’T SEE STUFF POSITIVE.
NEGATIVITY MAKE ME FEEL BETTA IN THIS DISGRACEFUL
FULL O’ HATRED WORLD!

F*** YOU!

FRIENDS

Friends?  Who?
The ones who are a generation older than you?
It’s the only friends I got.  It’s true.

I ain’t got no real friends near my age.
No one wants to be, if they do they never try.
Only one person my generation claims to be my friend. 
In my opinion she don’t act nothing close.
Every now and than, she asks me if I’m mad at her for something.  She’ll never know.
But truthfully – yeh!

She’ll get rude with you just for showing off your sense of humor at work.  She’ll write a poem making you think she likes you, but you find out she’s playing with your mind.  She says it’s a joke.  How cruel.

She claims she wants to help you out as a friend, but she doesn’t try hard enough.  When you ask her if she’s not doing anything to come over, she always got other plans.
Or she’ll tell me about things I shouldn’t be doing at work
(I know what I shouldn’t be doing at work.  But I do them anyway, ok?)

My brain is off on the warpath, ok?
You wanna be my friend?  That’s cool.
Than show it!
Show me you wanna be my friend!
Don’t be rude, don’t ignore me, and don’t do things that may piss me off. 
Don’t be tellin’ me how I should be doin’ things.