DON’T NEED TO BE HERE IN THIS STORE
DON’T NEED TO BE HERE IN THIS CITY
DON’T NEED TO BE HERE IN THIS STATE
DON’T NEED TO BE BROKE
DON’T NEED TO BE POOR
DON’T NEED TO BE FEELIN’ HURT
DON’T NEED TO BE FEELIN’ SOAR
DON’T NEED TO BE FEELIN’ PAIN
I NEED TO BE IN THE MUSIC BUSINESS
I NEED TO BE IN PHOENIX
I NEED TO BE IN ARIZONA
I NEED TO BE RICH
I NEED TO HAVE FAME
I NEED TO SHOW THE JERKS HOW AND WHO I BECAME
I NEED TO FEEL LOVE
AND I THINK I’D HAVE IT BACK IN PHOENIX, ARIZONA!
TIRED OF ALWAYS BEIN’ ALONE
TIRED OF NOT HAVING A LIFE
TIRED OF NOT HAVING A SOCIAL LIFE
TIRED OF BEING IN ARKANSAS
TIRED OF BEING BROKE
TIRED OF BEING POOR
TIRED OF BEING IGNORED
TIRED OF NEVER HANGING OUT
TIRED OF LIVING A LIFE THAT’S SO PACKED FULL OF LIES
TIRED OF NEVER HAVING ANY MONEY
TIRED OF NOT BEING ABLE TO GO ANYWHERE
TIRED OF NOT BEING BACK IN ARIZONA
TIRED OF MY LIFE JUST PASSING ME BY
TIRED OF NOT HAVING ANY FRIENDS
TIRED OF ALWAYS BEING UNHAPPY
TIRED OF NEVER BEING HAPPY
TIRED OF 2ND SHIFT LEAVING ME SUCH A MESS
TIRED OF LIVING
BECAUSE I’M LIVING A LIFE OF DEPRESSION AND BOREDOM
I FEEL I WANT TO DIE
BECAUSE I’M FEELING JUST WAY TOO TIRED OF LIVING
A NON-HAPPY LIFE!
A NON-LIVING LIFE!
TIRED OF LIVING A SAD AND DEPRESSED LIFE!
EVERY DAY I GET OFF WORK I GO HOME.
THERE AIN’T NOBODY THERE.
I FEEL LIKE NOBODY CARES.
IT REALLY AIN’T FAIR!
EVERY DAY I FEEL ALL ALONE!
THE ONLY PEOPLE I’M AROUND IS WHO I WORK WITH.
MOST OF THEM IGNORE ME.
I FEEL LIKE NOBODY CARES FOR ME.
IT REALLY AIN’T FAIR TO ME!
EVERY DAY I FEEL ALL ALONE!
THE FOOLS THROW PARTIES AND NEVER BOTHER INVITING ME.
THEY ALL JUST IGNORE ME.
NONE OF THEM REALLY WANT ME AROUND!
IT AIN’T FAIR AT ALL!
EVERY DAY I FEEL ALL ALONE!
AIN’T GOT MANY FRIENDS.
NO ONE WANTS TO TRY.
EVERY DAY I FEEL I GOT TO CRY!
THEY’D RATHER BE FRIENDS WITH OTHERS.
HOW UNFAIR!
EVERY DAY I FEEL ALL ALONE!
NO ONE EVEN CALLS ME ON THE PHONE.
WASTE OF MONEY TO EVEN HAVE!
THE ONLY FRIENDS I HAVE IS VERY FEW
HARDLY HANG OUT, AND MOST 20 TO 30 YEARS OLDER.
WHY IS IT THAT I FEEL SO ALONE?
ALONE AND NOWHERE TO EVEN GO.
ALONE AND NOWHERE TO GO BUT HOME!
SO ALONE, I FEEL I SHOULD THROW OUT MY PHONE!
SO ALONE I WROTE SO MANY DEPRESSING POEMS!
EVERY DAY I FEEL SO ALONE!
I NEED TO GET OUT OF ARKANSAS.
I NEED TO GO BACK TO PHOENIX.
I FEEL I WON’T BE ALONE THAN.
I FEEL THAT GOD SAID SO.
BUT UNTIL THAT DAY COME –
I’LL BE FEELIN’ ALL ALONE!
ALL ALONE, EVERY DAY.
SO I JUST END UP BACK HOME.
NO PARTIES, NO FRIENDS TO GO TO,
SO I JUST GO HOME, FEELING ALL ALONE!
BACK IN ’95 WAS WHEN WE FIRST MET.
YOU SAT NEXT TO ME IN CLASS
AND STARTED TALKING TO ME.
YOU WERE SO SWEET AND CUTE.
I CAN’T BELIEVE I FINALLY GOT IN TOUCH WITH YOU AGAIN!
AND YOU STILL SOUND AS SWEET AS EVER!
TO THIS DAY I STILL THINK ABOUT YOU.
I WISHED I ASKED YOU OUT BACK THAN,
BUT I NEVER DID!
I WAS TOO SHY, AND I STILL AM.
I CHEATED LOVE, BUT I GOT A SECOND CHANCE.
I DON’T WANT TO BLOW IT AGAIN!
I WISH I WAS BACK IN PHOENIX RIGHT NOW
HOLDING YOUR HAND, AND
LOVING YOU AS MUCH AS I CAN.
MARY, I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL.
I WANT TO LOVE YOU TILL WE GROW OLD.
LOVE YOU UNTIL THE DAY I DIE.
WHEN NOT AROUND YOU, I JUST WANT TO CRY!
I THINK ABOUT EVERY DAY.
PLEASE TELL ME IF THAT’S OK?
I’M THINKING ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW AS I WRITE THIS.
I JUST WISH I KNEW THE RIGHT WORDS TO SAY.
PLEASE TELL ME IF THIS POEM IS OK.
I KNOW I MAY SOUND SILLY BECAUSE I STILL HARDLY KNOW YOU,
BUT SOMETHING TOLD ME YOU’RE THE ONE FOR ME.
I THINK MAYBE IT WAS GOD.
I THINK GOD WAS ALSO TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING
LAST FALL, BUT I JUST DIDN’T LISTEN.
LAST FALL AN EX-FRIEND COMMITTED CREDIT CARD FRAUD
WITH MY CARD.
SO I KNOW GOD WAS TRYING TO TELL ME
NOT TO GO BACK TO FORT SMITH.
EVER SINCE THAN, I’VE BEEN WANTING TO GO BACK TO PHOENIX!
NOW WITH ALL THE SIGNS I’VE BEEN SEEING,
I BELIEVE IT EVEN MORE, AND I BELIEVE IN GOD EVEN MORE.
I KNOW WHERE GOD WANTS ME TO BE, AND I NEED TO GO THERE.
HE WANTS ME TO BE BACK IN PHOENIX WITH YOU!
MARY HODGES, YOU’RE THE ONLY GIRL I THINK ABOUT,
AND I LOVE YOU!
I TRULY LOVE YOU!
I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART!!!!
(written during what I’d like to call my “Great Depression”)
DEAR GOD,
WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY LIFE?
WHAT AM I PAYING THE PRICE FOR?
DON’T FEEL I SHOULD BE HERE NO MORE.
MY LIFE IS SCREWED
BECAUSE PEOPLE CAN BE SO CRUEL.
SOMETIMES I FEEL IT’S GOTTA BE THROUGH.
BUT I DON’T WANNA END IT.
SO I JUST GOTTA LIVE IT.
I DO BELIEVE IN YOU,
BUT IT’S GETTING HARD TO.
I FEEL I LOST MY FAITH IN YOU.
THOSE YEARS I WENT TO CHURCH, I PRAYED FOR HELP
AND I NEVER GOT ANY.
THEY SAY YOU HELP WHEN YOU READY TO.
BUT WHAT IF SOMEONE IS IN DESPERATE NEED?
PLEASE HEAR MY PLEA!
DEAR GOD,
IF YOU OUT THERE, PLEASE!
I’M DOWN ON MY KNEES, BEGGIN’
PLEASE, PLEASE, HELP ME!
I FEEL I CHEATED LOVE.
I WISH I SHOULDN’T’VE.
WHY DO I FEEL I CHEATED LOVE?
I WISH I COULD GO BACK TO ’95, WHY?
THERE WAS A GURL I MET BACK IN SCHOOL.
GOD, I FEEL LIKE SUCH A FOOL.
SHE SEEMED TO BE VERY COOL.
WHY WAS I A FOOL?
SHE SEEMED TO BE REAL SWEET.
SHE DIDN’T ACT LIKE A TEASE.
SHE WAS REAL CUTE,
I MISS LOOKIN’ AT HER
GOD, SHE WAS CUTE!
NOW I’M 22.
I WISH THAT I KNEW HOW I COULD FIND HER
BUT I’M LOOKIN’
AND HOPIN’ THAT MAYBE WE’LL GET TOGETHER.
MY DAD SAYS I’M CONFUSED
JUST BECAUSE HE PAYS MORE ATTENTION TO THE NEWS
BUT I DO KNOW THAT HE’S THE ONE MORE CONFUSED.
HE LOOKS AT ME AND HE JUST LAUGHS.
I THINK IT HAS TO DO WITH HIS BOOZE!
HE LOOKS AT ME AND ACTS LIKE HE’S
WISER JUST BECAUSE HE’S OLDER!
HE MAY BE MY FATHER, BUT I DO
THINK HE’S STUPID AT TIMES!
HE REALLY DON’T KNOW AS MUCH AS HE CLAIMS HE DO!
HE ACTS LIKE A FOOL!
MY MOM SAYS I DRESS WEIRD
JUST BECAUSE I DON’T DRESS LIKE HER.
I THINK THAT SHE’S THE ONE WHO DRESSES WEIRD.
SHE LOOKS AT ME AND SHE JUST LAUGHS.
SOMETIMES I FEEL THAT SHE’S CONFUSED.
IN HER CAR I TURN ON MY MUSIC,
SHE CAN’T EVEN TOLERATE IT, PUTS IT ON COUNTRY!
SHE MAY BE MY MOTHER, BUT I DO
THINK SHE’S WEIRD AT TIMES.
BOTH MY PARENTS NEVER RAISED ME ON MY LEVEL.
KEPT A LOT OF SHIT FROM ME.
I LEARNED ALL MY SHIT FROM THE STREETS!
LIFE IN THE SUBURBS,
IT ISN’T VERY PRETTY.
YOU GOT YOUR JUNKIES,
AND YOU GOT YOUR SNOBS!
IF THEY DON’T LIKE YOU FOR
WHO YOU ARE, THEY WILL JUST
TAUNT YOU DAY IN AND DAY OUT.
AND IF IT GETS BAD IT WILL HAUNT
YOU ALL YOUR LIFE!
I SHOULD KNOW.
I GREW UP IN THE SUBURBS.
THE SUBURBS OF PHOENIX, ARIZONA,
AND IT WASN’T VERY PRETTY!
TO THIS DAY, MY BRAIN IS
STILL SCREWED UP FROM THOSE SIX YEARS,
MAINLY JUST THE FIRST THREE.
I STILL DON’T GET MUCH RESPECT IN LIFE.
MOST PEOPLE JUST TRY AND IGNORE ME.
MOST PEOPLE JUST SEE ME AND THEY JUST WALK BY.
I FEEL I DON’T EVEN EXIST IN THE WORLD.
SOMEONE TAKE THESE TEARS AWAY FROM ME.
TAKE AWAY ALL THIS PAIN!
SOMETIMES I WISH I COULD
GO BACK THERE AND SHOW ALL
THEM FOOLS HOW I FEEL NOW.
BECAUSE OF ALL THEM BASTARDS’ ATTITUDES!
GROWING UP IN THE SUBURBS,
IT ISN’T VERY PRETTY.
YOU HAVE YOUR SNOBS AND
YOU HAVE YOUR JUNKIES!
Dear Dan,
What’s been up, Man? How’s life? / These days I feel like I jus gosta cry / and ev’ry day I feel like I wanna die. / I’m in da middle of a great depression here in my life.
How’s ev’rythin’ back at da fort? / Still hangin’ wit Josh Jowers and Justin Hardwick?
My depression started last month. / Started feelin’ really iggied at work. / Really feel like ev’ry one there is bein’ jerkz / and this last Saturday mornin’ I jus broke down in tears. / Was talkin’ to someone online / (My only way o’ socialization rite now) / and next thing I kno / I start blurtin’ out my whole life / and I found out why I am always shy / and why it was always easy to press my buttons back than / (and it still is.)
Back in the day when I lived in P-H-X, A-Z I was dissed. / Not dissed the way u dissed. / I was dissed ‘cuz I was hated on. / Started when I was 9. / Before than, I felt fine, had a good life I think, damn! / Moved 2 new suburb guess it was ‘cuz I was the new kid. / Went on for 3 fu**in’ years! / When I was 13 it got even worse. / Some kid I thought was a friend started a rumor about me and shit! / I think about all this and I wanna throw a fu**in’ fit! / Only friendz I had always stabbed me in the bak! / Now the only friendz I got r either online or 30 years older!
Don’t even talk 2 Josh Wurtsbaugh no more! / Why for? / Dat fu**in’ backstabber! / Took my debit card & committed credit card fraud wit it! / 1 G worth on fu**in’ porn! / Ran my phone up $500 on porn! / So I turned him in / the f**ka went to the pen for a few / he also gave me a grin, sayin’ he didn’t do it! / Than how cum all the sites on the bank statement I called said the orders 4 the sites were in his name & address for shippin’ info?
Because of all my problems now I have been listenin’ to a lot o’ Eminem. / I guess I sumwhat relate. / I guess his words are a mutha f**ka / they can be great. / At least wit music I could try to hide because othawise I would’ve tried suicide. / Because o’ my life I’m awefully glad I write / othawise I’d be violent, and that ain’t right. / But ev’ry fu**in’ day I’d wish I die!
I appreciate how you treated me back in high school. / For those two years in drama class what I thought you was you really wasn’t / I wish I could go bak 2 da fort 2 c y’all again / but as far as rite now I really don’t know when. / It’s really fu**ed up. / I havta talk through this pen / ‘cuz I would really luv 2 c y’all again. / I jus don’t know when. / If I go bak don’t want Wurtsbaugh seein’ me / but I’m a try because rite now I’m needin’ a real social life. / I ain’t getting’ that here. / Sometimes I feel so much fear / I’m cryin’ here, cryin’ so many tears! / I don’t think it’s fu**in’ fair!
I hope you get this, man! / Hit me back / jus 2 chat!
EVERY DAY LIVING A LIFE
SO FULL OF HATRED AND LIES.
EVERY DAY IT MAKES ME WANNA TRY SUICIDE.
EVERY DAY I JUST DON’T SEEM TO FEEL ANY PRIDE
AND IT MAKES ME NOT TO EVEN WANNA TRY.
I SIT DOWN AND I JUST WANNA CRY!
SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHY?
MY WHOLE LIFE I FELT LIKE I JUST WANTED TO DIE
(Note: back in 2002 I went through a deep dark depression - this is one I wrote during that period.)
(verse 1:)
EVERY DAY, HERE AT HOME
I DON’T KNOW WHY, BUT I FEEL SO ALL ALONE
I DON’T EVER GET ANY CALLS ON THE TELEPHONE
EVERY DAY, I JUST MOAN AND GROAN
WHERE’S MY LIFE GOIN’, I DON’T KNOW
I JUST ALWAYS FEEL SO OUT OF ZONE.
EVERY DAY, HERE AT HOME
WASTING DAYS HERE AT HOME
GOTTA GET OUT BUT NOWHERE TO GO
NOTHING TO DO, SO I JUST STAY AT HOME
MY LIFE’S JUST WASTING AWAY,
I JUST MOAN AND GROAN
SPENDING ALL OF MY DAYS
EVERY DAY, HERE AT HOME
(chorus:)
WASTING AWAY
I’M JUST SITTIN’ HERE TRYIN’ TO FIGGER OUT WHAT TO DO
JUST WASTING AWAY
MY LIFE IS JUST PASSIN’ ME BY
AND I’M SITTIN’ HERE JUST WASTING AWAY
(repeat chorus again with the second line)
(verse 2:)
EVERY DAY, I GO TO WORK
AND I ALWAYS THINK I START TO GO SO BERSERK
AND AT WORK I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE THE FOOLS ARE STUPID JERKS
EVERY DAY, I FEEL SO HURT
ALL OF MY DAYS I’M TREATED LIKE DIRT
I SEE THE GURLS AND I CAN’T EVEN FLIRT
EVERY DAY, I GO TO WORK
I FEEL SO IGNORED, I GET REALLY ANNOYED.
NO ONE TO TALK TO ME, SO I FEEL I GOTTA FLEE
WITH MY PAST, I NEED TO FIND LIFE
BUT THEM FOOLS DON’T WANNA SHOW ME LIFE.
ALL THE TIME I FEEL SO OUT OF PLACE
I FEEL LIKE SOMEONE NEED TO PAY THE PRICE
EVERY DAY, I GO TO WORK
(chorus)
(verse 3:) (*sung with the chorus & chorus lines r in parentheses)
(WASTING AWAY)
EVERY DAY, HERE AT HOME
(I’M JUST SITTIN’ HERE TRYIN’ TO FIGGER OUT WHAT TO DO)
I GET SO FULL OF FEAR I DRINK A BEER
(JUST WASTING AWAY)
WITH MY LIFE I GET SO FULL OF TEARS
(MY LIFE IS JUST PASSIN’ ME BY)
I SOMETIMES FEEL LIKE NO ONE CARES
(AND I’M SITTIN’ HERE JUST WASTING AWAY)
NOT MANY REALLY DARED GIVE ME A CHANCE
(’M JUST SITTIN’ HERE TRYIN’ TO FIGGER OUT WHAT TO DO)
I NEED TO GO DANCE AND HAVE FUN BUT CAN’T
(JUST WASTING AWAY)
EVERY DAY, HERE AT HOME
(finish the rest of the chorus than start rap)
(rap:)
SITTIN’ HERE JUST WASTING AWAY BECAUSE OF MY PAST
HOW MUCH LONGER WILL MY PROBLEMS LAST?
I NEED TO FIND SOME LOVE BUT HOW FAST?
EVERY DAY I FEEL I GOTTA BLAST!
MY WHOLE LIFE I FELT TRASHED!
I JUS FEEL LIKE KICKIN’ SUM ASS!
THE BASTARDS MADE ME TO BE SAD AND MAD
AND SO FULL OF HATRED
SO SHY AND SO PETRIFIED
EVERY DAY I CRY AND WISHIN’ I DIED.
EVERY DAY I DON’T EVEN FEEL PRIDE NO MORE
NO ONE EVER BE COMIN’ KNOCKIN’ AT MY DOOR.
BECAUSE OF THIS, I DON’T EVEN WANNA LIVE NO MORE
NO ONE TO HANG WITH, NO ONE TO CHILL WITH
NO ONE TO BE COO WITH, NO ONE TO LOVE WITH
NO ONE TO BE WITH
TELL ME, WHAT’S A PERSON TO DO TO SURVIVE THIS SITUATION?
I AM SO SICK AND TIRED OF JUST SITTIN’ HERE AND WASTING MY DAYS AND WASTING MY NIGHTS.
SO SICK AND TIRED OF JUST LIVING MY LIFE.
SO I JUST STAY AT MY CRIB AND SPEND MY LIFE JUST…
(chorus)
