Ask You Out

Girl, why can I not do this?
(Ask you out?)
Girl, why can I not do it?
(Ask you out?)

(verse:)
I want to ask you out but I just can't do it
Why can't I ever go through with it?
I want to but I just can't do it
I like you a lot, what's wrong with this?

(chorus:)
I want to
(Ask you out)
But I just can't
(Ask you out)
Why can't I
(Ask you out)
Oh, why can't I
(Ask you out)

(verse:)
Is it because I'm afraid of rejection?
(I guess so)
Is it because I don't want to hear you say no?
(I think so)
Is it because I'm the extremely shy type?
(I think so)

(chorus)

The 60s - poem

I’m a fan of 1960s pop culture and history.  Here is a poem I wrote about the 1960s.

THE 60s

The 60s changed the world,
The 60s changed the society,
The 60s changed the music,
The 60s changed the politicians,
The 60s changed the musicians,
The 60s changed our minds,
The 60s changed thoughts of war,
The 60s changed the art,
The 60s created the hippies,
The 60s created the peace sign,
The 60s created the Beatles,
The 60s killed John F. Kennedy and his brother (RFK),
The 60s killed Martin Luther King,
The 60s killed Malcolm X!
What happened in Berkeley in the 60s?
What happened in Chicago in the 60s?
What happened in Mississippi and Alabama in the 60s?
What happened in Washington in the 60s?
What happened in Dallas in the 60s?
What happened in Woodstock in the 60s?
What happened in the 60s?
What went on during the 60s?
The 60s changed it all!

I Drank A Whole Lotta Beer - country music parody

I wrote this in high school as a parody to country music.

I DRANK A WHOLE LOTTA BEER

I drank a whole lotta whiskey,
I drank a whole lotta beer,
I drove my Ford Pick-up truck
while hurdlin' some cattle on me farm!
I drank a whole lotta beer
and gots throwin' in prison!
I told the cops I had to see me baby,
do I gis a phone call?
"No! You killed Wyatt, Shyitt, & Billy!"
I drank a whole lotta whiskey,
so I bet me wife miss me!
I drank a whole lotta whiskey,
I drank a whole lotta beer!

Jail

I robbed a bank,
now I have to pay the price
for a million pounds of rice,
now I can't play with dice,
so I'm gonna go pick a fight,
after that I hide, but I failed!
Now I'm gonna have to go to jail
with no bail!
And that's hail, 'cuz I was caught
and they threw me in a car, a police car!
And it went far to the station,
then it stopped and I broke loose,
and they were chasin' me down!
I was facin' some dogs who were gonna do some
rearrangin'!
I got caught so they shoved me in the police car!
I was cussin' and fussin' at the police men!
Then we got there and they threw me in the pen!
One man said, "Hot!"
I said, "Yes, need a fan!"
Next week I broke out of jail
and I croaked!

Freak (Parody of “Creep” by TLC)

 

Here she comes again, and I'm gone

oh I, oh I, oh I am
oh I, oh I, oh I am
oh I, oh I, oh I am!

(1)The 1st of freakness and I've
been through so many thangs
I got a girl who's not normal looking
but I know she has a nose ring!
I look her in the eyes but all she
tells me is that she's getting an eyelid pierced,
I'll never let her get it pierced though!
I might get a nose ring only
'cuz I need some attention, oh!

(Chorus:)She's a freak, yeah!
Can't scream it-keep it low!
She said her parents can't know!
She's a freak, yeah!
'Cuz she doesn't know
what to do to get real attention
it goes to show to not be a freak!

(2)The 2nd of freakness
and we don't talk to each other anymore!
Now I feel pretty good!
Now to get a real girl who feels the same as me!
Yeah, yeah!
I'll give her lovin' till the day she get's a tongue ring
she'll never do that when she finds out
I won't care for it!

(Chorus)

(3)I think about us, baby, all the time,
but you know I can't stand nose rings!
I love you forever, baby!
And you gotta know, I don't stand those things!

(Chorus)

(4)You're a freak around me
'cuz I hate it!
Don't mess around with me!

(Chorus)

DEFINITION OF LOVE

I love a girl with all of my heart,

I put my arm over her shoulder,

I hold hands with her,

I flirt with her,

I don't cheat on her,

I make sure she gets home ok,

I love her,

that's my definition of love!

I like a girl that I know likes me,

I take her out every weekend,

I kiss her when I have to leave,

I spend every day and night with her,

I buy her a flower bouquet everytime we go out,

that's my definition of love!

I love a girl with all my heart,

her name is ,

she likes to do things that I like to do,

I love her a lot and

I know she loves me too.

So I guess

that's my definition of love!

MR. GREEN

(note: this is a funny one I wrote about an assistant principal at the high school I graduated from. He wasn’t very well liked.)

My name is Mr. Green!

I'm a piece of shit!

I like to keep kids totally out of the halls!

I hate kids!

On a rainy, snowy, or cold

day I leave 'em all outside!

Let 'em freeze!

It's not me!

You may call me

blue, red, white, black,

but I'm not any of that!

I'm the shit out of your ass

down the toilet!

I'm Mr. Green!

KEY OF ART

(note: this is a funny one I wrote in art class. I know it don’t make any sense, but hey, nobody’s perfect!)

The tardy bell rang

Time to sit down on my ass

Because the class is about to start,

Oh no, here comes Mr. Bart

In his little toy golf cart!

He must've got back from Wal-Mart!

Oh no, I feel something

I have to fart!

Got to dart with beautiful art!

(Hey look it's Mary Hart dating Mr. Gart!)

Look over there!

Mr. Jart!

(What's a lart?)

Let's go to Nart's!

Where's my car parts?

Where's my quart?

Buy me a pop tart!

Hey, it's an ardvart!

(What's that wart?)

Clean up my yart!

I want your zart!

CCE ends project with trip to northwest Arkansas

As a reward for helping the Crisis Center for Battered Women (CCBW) the CCE classes went on a trip to Fayetteville and Springdale last Thursday.

They left at 7:30 A.M and came back at 8:30 P.M. They went to Springdale High School first to show the CCE classes there the stuff the Northside High School CCE classes had done to put a stop to domestic violence. After that they went to the Jones Center, Bud Walton arena, and then the Crisis Center took them out to eat at the Red Lobster.

Mike commented, "The best part of the whole trip was going to the very top of the bleachers at the Razorback football field." The commercial that first hour CCE made will air sometime in the summer on Channel 5 or channel 40, so be watching. Mike Irvan of first hour CCE wrote the script for it.

If you have the intemet check out their web site at www.ccbw.org, and check out the kids page and e-mail them at www.ccbw.org.

EVERYDAY COURTESY CLERK

(this is a funny one I wrote back when I used to work for Harp’s Marketplace)

I wake up in the morning,

and then I go to school!

In the afternoon I go to work!

I'm a courtesy clerk at Harps!

You would see me stocking some bread

so you'd just come inside the store

and pick up 10 jars of baby food and then accidently drop them!

I get called to clean up the mess!

SCREW YOU!

Because of you, I have to stop to clean your mess!

how's this-"here's the mop and broom, clean up your own damn mess!"

But you won't!

The boss said, "Workers clean the messes up around here!"

So I gis de mop and mop up your mess!

You just stand there and laugh!

I'm Just a courtesy clerk!

Rapper’s Paradise (parody of “Gangsta’s Paradise” by Coolio)

 

(1)As I walk through the valley
of the shadow of rap,
I take a look at my job
& realize there's nothin'
'cause I've been moppin' & sweepin' so long
that even my mama knows I can do more!
But I  ain't never crossed a man that did
contracts yet!!  I may be in the wrong place
you know that's unheard of!
I better watch where I'm seein'
and where I'm cleanin'
or me & my holmies might be lost in life!
I really hate to clean but I gotta do!
As I do, I see myself in the rapper pool, fool!
I'm the kinda G the other holmies wanna be
like on my knees in the night
rappin' prayers in the street light!

(Chorus:)Keep spendin' most our dreams livin' in a rapper's paradise!
Keep dreamin' most our dreams livin' in a rapper's paradise!
Keep rappin' most our raps kinda in a rapper's paradise!
Been spendin' most my dreams livin' in a rapper's paradise!

(2)Look at the situation they got me facin'!
I can't do this anymore!
I was raised by the street so I gotta rap
with the damned hood team!
too much cleanin' washin', watch me, got me
chasin' dreams!
I'm a rappin' kinda fool with rappin' on my mind
got my rap in my hand and the dream in my heart!
I'm a low down rapper,
poor drippin' facta'   
& my holmies is here
so don't put me down right here!
Fool get bang!
Nothin' but a heartbeat away,
I'm livin' life real poor, what can I say?
I'm 18 now, so will I rap before 19?
The way thangs is goin' I don't know!

(Bridge:)Tell me why are we so blind to see
that when we rap it is a good rap!

(Chorus)

(3)Just got myself a contract,
contract just got myself!
Rappin' after rappin'!
Dollah after dollah!
Everybody's dancin' but I can barely
see what's goin' on in the ballroom!
But I don't know it's a dance!
They say I got an album
nobody's gonna listen,
if they can't understand it,
how can they hear me?
I guess they cain't,
I guess they won't,
I guess they deaf,
That's how I know my life is fine good luck, fool!

(Chorus)

(Bridge 2x)

THE HEADLINES

 

(I was inspired to write this after hearing Weird Al’s “Headline News”)

I know a guy who killed his wife and her
friend in 1994.
He did it with a knife and claimed he didn't do it!
I say we boo him!
Don't squeeze the juice out of him, he's a goose.

I know a chick who cut off her husband's dick
because she was sexually harassed!
She cut it off
during his sleep, he didn't get beat!
She stood on her feet, and left!

I know a thing who could sing,
I don't know what it is
because it's screwed up
it tries to look like a girl
and has a bleached face!
He had a case about screwin'
a 13 year old boy!

I know a guy who blew up Oklahoma City,
he lived in Arizona!
He made bombs!
He was quiet as a kid!
He had 2 buddies work with him!
He was in the army!

I know 4 people,
OJ, Lorraina, Michael, and Timothy!
They are big in the headlines!
They love to act crazy,
'cause they are!
They're weird and strange,
that must be the reason why they're in
the headlines!

WEEKLY WORLD NEWS

 

(1)It says Elvis is alive
when he died in 1977!
It says a body that died
with the titanic was found
the way she was when she died!
It says an alien corpse
was found by some astronauts!
It says the world will
be destroyed in 1998!
Yeah right!

(Chorus:)It's the weekly world news!
What a bunch of shit!
It's the weekly world news!
What a bunch of shit!
It's the weekly world news!
What a bunch of shit!

(2)JFK was found alive!
Yeah right!
Nicole's grave is empty!
Yeah right!
Woman gives birth to 50 kids at once!
Yeah right!
Satan seen in clouds!
Yeah right!

(Chorus)

(3)Who believes this shit?
Not me!
Who believes this shit?
the people who don't laugh!
Who believes this shit?
The person reading this!
Who believes this shit?
The person listening to this song!
Who believes this shit?
Obviously you!
Who believes this shit?
Whoever pays for this shit!
Who believes this shit?
I don't give a fuck!
Who believes this shit?
You do, you do, you do, you do, you do,
you do, you do, you do, you do, you do!
Who believes this shit?
Not me, not me, not me, not me, not me,
not me, not me, not me, not me, not me!

(Chorus)

What a bunch of shitty ass,
mother fuckin', sons of bitchin',
cock suckin', god-damnin', goin' to
hellin', fuckin' pussy assin', shit!

THE BALLAD OF JOHN DOE

 

(Chorus:)
Who the hell is he?
Who the hell knows who he is?
Who the hell gives a damn?
Who the hell gives a damn?
Who the hell gives a fuck?
Who the the hell cares?

(Verse 1:)
He committed a crime,
Nobody knows his name,
All we know is his face
So all of us calls him
John Doe!

(Chorus)

(Verse 2:)
He's ommitted from land,
Nobody knows his name,
All we know is his life
So we all would call him
John Doe!

(Chorus 2x)

The Gump Song

(note: this one I wrote after hearing Weird Al’s parody of a song called “LUMP.”  He called it “GUMP” making fun of the movie character Forrest Gump.)

Mama always said, "Life is like a box of chocolates,
you never know what you're gonna get!"

I know a guy, his name is Forrest!
He would sit on a bench waiting for the bus
telling his life story,
and he would always say, "My name's Forrest, Forrest Gump!"
And kids would always throw rocks at him 'cause of that!
That's all I have to say about that!

There's a guy I know who says he created
Elvis Presley's "Hound Dog" dance,
but that's hard to believe because Forrest never existed!
That's all I have to say about that!

There's a guy I know who met three presidents!
First one he said he really got to pee,
second one he showed his buttocks,
the third one put him in Watergate and it got robbed!
That's all I have to say about that!

I know a guy whose friends' names were
Dan "No Legs,"
Bubba "Shrimp Possessed,"
Jen, a hippy, kind of got stoned!
That's all I have to say about that!

His wife Jen dies,
and his shrimpin' business goes down,
but that's another story
and that's all I have to say about that!
A stupid is, a stupid does, Sir!

‘Still We Rise' assembly held today

Today's assembly held at 8:20a.m and 9:30a.m was the final activity in recognition of Black History Month. In this assembly there were expected to be Three guest speakers: Fred Kirkwood, vice president of marketing with Arkansas-Oklahoma Gas; Mike Conley, Olympic gold medalist in triple jump from the UofA; and Marcus Webster, who designed the t-shirts which are being worn today. Mrs. Rhonda Grey, who is a former English teacher at Northside, was the MC.

Included on the program were Northside students singing some contemporary gospel, some Negro spiritual music, and an R. Kelly number, "I Believe I Can Fly.” Also planned were dancing, poetry, and a performance by a rap group from U of A called Impact.

The theme for the assembly and for Black History Month this year is "Still We Rise" which is taken from Maya Angelou's poem of the same name.

Just Imagine

I could just imagine
what the world would be like
if it was all full of peace!
John Lennon wanted it that way!
Just imagine!
Peace all over the earth,
nobody'd be miserable like myself!
Just imagine a peaceful world!
Peace not war!
Just peace, love, and understanding!
Just imagine!
I wish someone would love me!
Just imagine!