DEFINITION OF LOVE

I love a girl with all of my heart,

I put my arm over her shoulder,

I hold hands with her,

I flirt with her,

I don't cheat on her,

I make sure she gets home ok,

I love her,

that's my definition of love!

I like a girl that I know likes me,

I take her out every weekend,

I kiss her when I have to leave,

I spend every day and night with her,

I buy her a flower bouquet everytime we go out,

that's my definition of love!

I love a girl with all my heart,

her name is ,

she likes to do things that I like to do,

I love her a lot and

I know she loves me too.

So I guess

that's my definition of love!

MR. GREEN

(note: this is a funny one I wrote about an assistant principal at the high school I graduated from. He wasn’t very well liked.)

My name is Mr. Green!

I'm a piece of shit!

I like to keep kids totally out of the halls!

I hate kids!

On a rainy, snowy, or cold

day I leave 'em all outside!

Let 'em freeze!

It's not me!

You may call me

blue, red, white, black,

but I'm not any of that!

I'm the shit out of your ass

down the toilet!

I'm Mr. Green!

KEY OF ART

(note: this is a funny one I wrote in art class. I know it don’t make any sense, but hey, nobody’s perfect!)

The tardy bell rang

Time to sit down on my ass

Because the class is about to start,

Oh no, here comes Mr. Bart

In his little toy golf cart!

He must've got back from Wal-Mart!

Oh no, I feel something

I have to fart!

Got to dart with beautiful art!

(Hey look it's Mary Hart dating Mr. Gart!)

Look over there!

Mr. Jart!

(What's a lart?)

Let's go to Nart's!

Where's my car parts?

Where's my quart?

Buy me a pop tart!

Hey, it's an ardvart!

(What's that wart?)

Clean up my yart!

I want your zart!

CCE ends project with trip to northwest Arkansas

As a reward for helping the Crisis Center for Battered Women (CCBW) the CCE classes went on a trip to Fayetteville and Springdale last Thursday.

They left at 7:30 A.M and came back at 8:30 P.M. They went to Springdale High School first to show the CCE classes there the stuff the Northside High School CCE classes had done to put a stop to domestic violence. After that they went to the Jones Center, Bud Walton arena, and then the Crisis Center took them out to eat at the Red Lobster.

Mike commented, "The best part of the whole trip was going to the very top of the bleachers at the Razorback football field." The commercial that first hour CCE made will air sometime in the summer on Channel 5 or channel 40, so be watching. Mike Irvan of first hour CCE wrote the script for it.

If you have the intemet check out their web site at www.ccbw.org, and check out the kids page and e-mail them at www.ccbw.org.

EVERYDAY COURTESY CLERK

(this is a funny one I wrote back when I used to work for Harp’s Marketplace)

I wake up in the morning,

and then I go to school!

In the afternoon I go to work!

I'm a courtesy clerk at Harps!

You would see me stocking some bread

so you'd just come inside the store

and pick up 10 jars of baby food and then accidently drop them!

I get called to clean up the mess!

SCREW YOU!

Because of you, I have to stop to clean your mess!

how's this-"here's the mop and broom, clean up your own damn mess!"

But you won't!

The boss said, "Workers clean the messes up around here!"

So I gis de mop and mop up your mess!

You just stand there and laugh!

I'm Just a courtesy clerk!

Rapper’s Paradise (parody of “Gangsta’s Paradise” by Coolio)

 

(1)As I walk through the valley
of the shadow of rap,
I take a look at my job
& realize there's nothin'
'cause I've been moppin' & sweepin' so long
that even my mama knows I can do more!
But I  ain't never crossed a man that did
contracts yet!!  I may be in the wrong place
you know that's unheard of!
I better watch where I'm seein'
and where I'm cleanin'
or me & my holmies might be lost in life!
I really hate to clean but I gotta do!
As I do, I see myself in the rapper pool, fool!
I'm the kinda G the other holmies wanna be
like on my knees in the night
rappin' prayers in the street light!

(Chorus:)Keep spendin' most our dreams livin' in a rapper's paradise!
Keep dreamin' most our dreams livin' in a rapper's paradise!
Keep rappin' most our raps kinda in a rapper's paradise!
Been spendin' most my dreams livin' in a rapper's paradise!

(2)Look at the situation they got me facin'!
I can't do this anymore!
I was raised by the street so I gotta rap
with the damned hood team!
too much cleanin' washin', watch me, got me
chasin' dreams!
I'm a rappin' kinda fool with rappin' on my mind
got my rap in my hand and the dream in my heart!
I'm a low down rapper,
poor drippin' facta'   
& my holmies is here
so don't put me down right here!
Fool get bang!
Nothin' but a heartbeat away,
I'm livin' life real poor, what can I say?
I'm 18 now, so will I rap before 19?
The way thangs is goin' I don't know!

(Bridge:)Tell me why are we so blind to see
that when we rap it is a good rap!

(Chorus)

(3)Just got myself a contract,
contract just got myself!
Rappin' after rappin'!
Dollah after dollah!
Everybody's dancin' but I can barely
see what's goin' on in the ballroom!
But I don't know it's a dance!
They say I got an album
nobody's gonna listen,
if they can't understand it,
how can they hear me?
I guess they cain't,
I guess they won't,
I guess they deaf,
That's how I know my life is fine good luck, fool!

(Chorus)

(Bridge 2x)

THE HEADLINES

 

(I was inspired to write this after hearing Weird Al’s “Headline News”)

I know a guy who killed his wife and her
friend in 1994.
He did it with a knife and claimed he didn't do it!
I say we boo him!
Don't squeeze the juice out of him, he's a goose.

I know a chick who cut off her husband's dick
because she was sexually harassed!
She cut it off
during his sleep, he didn't get beat!
She stood on her feet, and left!

I know a thing who could sing,
I don't know what it is
because it's screwed up
it tries to look like a girl
and has a bleached face!
He had a case about screwin'
a 13 year old boy!

I know a guy who blew up Oklahoma City,
he lived in Arizona!
He made bombs!
He was quiet as a kid!
He had 2 buddies work with him!
He was in the army!

I know 4 people,
OJ, Lorraina, Michael, and Timothy!
They are big in the headlines!
They love to act crazy,
'cause they are!
They're weird and strange,
that must be the reason why they're in
the headlines!