Love

(note: this poem I entered in a national poetry contest back in 1998 even though I wrote it back in 1996 or 1997.  It became a finalist and was published in a book.  I almost bought the book, but didn’t have the money to buy it at that time.  So I know that right now somewhere in this world someone is reading this exact poem.  I didn’t win nothing for it though, but maybe my chance will come again.)

Love will make you fly above,
love will make you fly like a dove,
love is the best to be in,
love is the best to believe in,
love is the best so don't ever sin,
love!
Love a girl that'll make you twirl
to look at her,
Now you're a kind sir!
Love will make you fly high into the sky,
love will make you chase her
then you face her,
then you walk and talk with her,
but I'm a little too shy
and that's why I don't!

DON'T BELONG HERE

(note: I wrote this one when I was in In School Suspension during my Sr. Year for something I wrote that didn’t have to do with the school at all)

I don't belong here,
This is one place I really do fear!
Seven days here,
What a drag!
Makes me want to die!
Makes me want to cry!
They don't have the right!
They think I'm nutty, but I'm not,
I'm just trying to be funny, when I'm not!
My days have not been very sunny,
I wish I had a lot of money!
I wish I just ditch this place!
No harm done,
Nothing done wrong!
I wish I could slam a case in their face!
What I wrote wasn't a threat
But they took it that way!
I'll move into a cave
Down by the bay
So I could watch the waves,
At least I'll know I'll be OK!
Hello, Mr. Fay!
Guess what, the school you work for has to pay!

CAR BASH '99

In high school we had this thing every year called the Street Jam. One of the events at the Street Jam was called the Car Bash)

Yo, We are all fans of the Street Jam!

Oh, man!

Hot Damn!

There's gonna be a car bash at this year's Street Jam, 1999!

It's all free.

You don't have to pay a dime or a fine as a fee!

I got to pee!

Get to key the car up,

Beat the fuck out of it,

Throw it in the LA tar pits,

Tear it into bits,

Thrash it, trash it,

Flash it, bash it,

Crash it, slash it,

Mash it, smash it,

Take a sledgehammer and beat the shit out of it,

Rent it out to someone who pouts and shouts as a rent-a-wreck!

Do you watch "Star Trek?"

Wait a minute,

What's that have to do with anything?

Blow out the tires, bang bang bang!

Let me do my own thing!

It's the Car Bash '99!

Anyone got spray paint?

I'm high, I think I'm gonna faint!

No one will be my mate,

So beat the shit out of this car!

And then I'll throw it in the street and watch it get beat!

I ate some meat!

Other cars ran over it a bit,

The end, my friend!

SONG DEDICATED TO THE 60s MUSICIANS

 

Things have changed over the years
And you may have drank a whole lot of beer.
You wrote all kinds of songs about what was going on
The styles of music has changed
And it's all because of you.
You know how to write classic melodies,
That I wish I knew how to
What happened to the music these days?
No one can write songs like you can.
Bobby Dylan was a great poet and he still is
Lennon and McCartney was a great songwriting team, I wish they still were.
John Fogerty knew how to write a good war protest classic, where is he now?
There are some good tunes today,
But nothing compares to those of the 60s.
Things have changed over the years, so will I?

I Love The First Amendment - poem

I wrote this in response to the punishment the Northside High School authority gave me after finding lyrics to a song I wrote that was inspired by both Eminem and Adam Sandler tracks.  I don’t have that song written down.  They took it from me before I was able to put it on file on the computer, but they claimed I was talking about people at the school.  I really wasn’t, and since the 1^st amendment gives you the right to write without fear of others say so, I decided to write this poem in response to the wrong punishment I got.

I LOVE THE FIRST AMENDMENT

Why does a person have to pay a fine
Just because they've got a creative mind?
Why does a person have to do time
Just because he's got a creative mind?
I got seven days in DSC, possibly the rest of the year
That's one thing I really fear
I don't feel so dear!
I got the 1st amendment to help me
(I'm the defendent)!
Freedom of speech, freedom of press!
The school will be defeated with no threats!
I love the 1st amendment
It rocks!
Write what you want, you ain't a communist!
You just write it, you don't do it!
Nothin' wrong with that!
It may be the '90s and society is different, but you just write!
You got the right!
Write what you want to write!
Look at Stephen King and Wes Craven
They ain't misbehavin'
They're just writin'!
I don't care, it's not fair!
I got sentenced to seven days in DSC!
Why can't they just see
I just write the fright on this site,
The first amendment gives me that right!

Jesus Christ

(This was an attempt I made at writing a serious Christian song to the tune of “RUBY TUESDAY” by The Rolling Stones)

They could never explain how he did it.
He was put on that cross than died.
He makes the sun be bright
on a cloudy day!
Died for me
So I love you!

(Chorus:)
Hello, Jesus Christ!
You can heal
the blinded man!
You were put on that cross for me
so I'm gonna love you!

Don't worry!
Forgive me for my sins!
You told me it's the only way to
live!
You just can't be changed to
a life where Satan lives!
We're not lost!
We're all Christians!

(Chorus)

There's no time to lose!
I heard you say,
"Mike, I was put on the
cross for you, so I love you!
Please follow my word.
Please spread me around!"

(Chorus 2x)

STOP THE SCHOOL VIOLENCE

 

Note: Over the last 10 years there have been a lot of mass public shootings.  but by 1999, there were at least 10 mass school shootings - the one at Columbine High School in Littleton, COlorado on April 20, 1999 being the worst one at the time.  This song I wrote after that incident expressing how I felt about all the mass school shootings I was hearing about at that time.

(Chorus)
How cruel!
Too much violence in our schools!
How uncool!
What such fools,
To cause such violence in our schools!!

(Verse 1)
In the last two years we had to fear!
It seems like these people don't even care!
How unfair!
It seems like they're always a pair!
Oh, dear!
It seems like the end is always near!
I'm forming tears
I'm so sad
Because what they did is so bad!

(Chorus)

(Verse 2)
It happened in Arkansas, Oregon, and Colorado,
Oh wow!
Our nation is going down!
We will all drown
In pain and sorrow!
Our schools are horrible!

(Bridge:)
So many people
It happened to!
Happened to
So many people!
(repeat)

(Chorus)

(Verse 3)
Dear God,
Why did this have to happen
In your world under heaven?
Dear God,
These people don't celebrate the sabbath
And they aren't very clever!
Will they ever realize that what they did was wrong?
Will they ever realize who they killed?
Will they ever feel the way we feel?
The school victims got such a raw deal!

Funny Jokes

I wrote these jokes back in 1999 when I was still in high school and immature.  I read them again about 13 years later (in 2013) and realize some of the ones referring to historical events probably aren’t even accurate, since I learned more about those events as I got older, lol. I apologize in advance  if these jokes might offend anybody who eventually reads this post.  I post a lot of older stuff on my blog for posterity and for others to enjoy, but it doesn’t necessarily say that’s how I act or believe anymore as I get older.  Enjoy!

 

Mr. Robinson (Eddie Murphy) Walks in his apartment and talks about today's episode. "Hello boys & girls, today we're gonna learn how to go down chimneys dressed like Santa Claus and put wrapped up dog shit under the christmas tree, and how to put crack, pot, LSD, Shrooms, cigarettes, alcohol, Poppies, and drug paraphanalia in the stockings, then after that we'll learn how to raid the food in the fridge and take some radios and TVs and some VCRs that aren't ours, like taking milk & cookies.

 

. The Menandez children just got there own TV show entitled: "Life With Menandez." There first episode is entitled "Hey boys and girls, hate you damn parents cause one's abusive and the other's no help? Well you're watching the right show, because today we'll show u how to kill your parents, lie about it, take your parents money and buy stuff, and then go to court 6 years later.

 

. Charles Manson is being interviewed by Ted Coppel: "I love to kill people for a living. I either shoot them or stab them. If you want to be a serial killer call this number 1-900-murder-me."

 

. Michael Jackson promoting a new song off a future album: "I'm not a faggot, it's just that I'm a sweet transvestite and love it so much, just another Ru Paul!"

 

. Jeff Foxworthy on his trademark: "If you listen to me you might be considered a redneck, if your dog is loose you're a redneck, if you're a faggot you're a damn transvestite, give me a gun so I can blow your head off!"

 

. OJ Simpson interview with Barbara Walters: "I didn't kill no one because I'm an ex-football star and so whatever I do is innocent except for when I killed Nicole and Ronald, so as long as nobody knows I'll be free, finding women and killing them."

 

. David Letterman's top 10 reasons to watch his show:

10. Because there's nothing else on

9. Because Jay Leno eats too many Doritos

8. OJ Simpson's trial is over

7. To see me smoke my cigar

6. Because I'm funny

5. You'd actually wanna watch Oprah Winfrey like Peg Bundy?

4 Arsenio Hall retired

3. I've been doing the show ever since the 1970s

2. You didn't know there was a so called show

1. If you don't I will shove a bomb up your ass and blow you away.

Stupid TV Shows

(I apologize in advance if this offends some people - this is a comedy bit I wrote back in high school in 1999)

If it's one thing I can't stand at all, it's those stupid TV shows. You know which ones I'm talking about. It's those shows with epioode titles like "My boyfriend slept with my best friend." These are the same shows which have scripts that go something like this, "You bitch!! You (beep) ing bitch!! You (beep) ing slut!! You slept with my (beep) ing Boyfriend, you (beep) ing whore!!"(Punches and kicks air)You stupid bitch!!" (pause) What really surprised me is the ratings of these stupid shows. These shows have higher ratings than NBC's ER and the WB's Dawson's Creek or 7th Heaven. The most popular one of these stupid shows (they cal1 them Daytime talk shows) is Jerry Springer. To me, in my opinion, That guys a damn nut case. He's a damn pervert!! Like I mean, who in the world ever heard of subjects like "My tits are bigger than yours!" "My son is a gay faggot" "My Husband cheated on me" (pause) yeah? So? What's your point? My Wife (beep) ing cheated on me!! I am not making this up, these subjects are actually shown on the TV screen. That show's so damn popular they put it on tape uncensored and they put it in the new-release section of the movie stores. Where it belongs is the adult section. The movies a damn porno!  I should go do a show like that.  "Today on the Mike Irvan Show we got whores who don't know who there husbands are!"

    Another type of show I can't stand is those wrestling shows. To me it looks like gay men grabbing each other. I was reading this book about Michael Jackson, and I was thinking "Good Lord!! This guy's a sick pervert pedophile!!" In this book it talks about Michael Jackson, a 40 year old man, grabbing a 12 year old boy's balls!! Michael Jackson would be a perfect wrestler. Since every "Perfect" wrestler has a nick name, Michael Jackson's would be "Bad Big Bubba." Like I mean, who wants to watch a show with guys grabbing each other? I was surprised when I saw a survey of sports most watched. I was thinking maybe football. The one with the most votes on this survey was wrestling. I was like, "Good Lord!!" I think the worst wrestler On TV is that guy who loves to flip off the camera, and his boss, and the photographer. Those of you who watch NWO Wrestling know who I'm talking about (pause) "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. This guy also makes fun of the bible. He takes one of the best versus in the bible and changes it into his own. He took John 3:16, and transformed it into "Austin 3:16". This guy's a real nutcase. What I really don't understand is why do they call wrestling a sport? It's not a sport. They go by a silly script that is written something like this: "Stone Cold grabs Bad Big Bubba, Bad Big Bubba goes 'woohoo, I'm bad', bad big bubba grabs Stone Cold by the balls, flips him over, and Bad Big Bubba wins. End of Round one".

    Another type of show I can't stand is soap operas. Those daytime talk shows remind me a lot like those stupid soaps. Only difference is is that there are no subject titles, and no audience in the soaps. Whoever heard of a show that showed nothing but a dimmed lit room in a house with a man and his wife's best friend in there saying, "You know, we oughtta quit this. one day we're gonna get caught." Of course, they always end that scene with the Man's wife coming in the room going, "Oh my god!! Honey, I want a divorce, you stupid bastard!!" You know what true story I think should become a soap? The Bill Clinton Scandal. And in the credits it would say, "Based on the book by Kenneth Starr which was based on a true story." I could see it now, Hillary Clinton walks in on Bill and Monica and goes, "Honey!! You didn't!! What would the people think!!" Bill Clinton would be like, "You Bitch!! I'm sick of your bitchy attitude!!"

THE BALLAD OF JOHN LENNON

 

Among the hills of Liverpool, England
1940 you was born.
In the '50s you picked up a guitar.
You played at the cavern in your own band
And have got some fans.
Your band was called the Quarry Men
And now you got some money to spend.
Your band consisted of yourself, Paul, George, Stu, and Pete.
On that stage you always stood on your feet.
You played songs from famous American groups,
But you never played for the American troops.
With songs like "You Really Got A Hold On Me"
You had to pay a copyright fee.
Pete had to quit, and so did Stu,
And you ran into a guy who had rings on every finger,
He was a drummer and a singer.
The 1960s rolled around,
The 1950s had ended.
You changed the name to an inspired name from an American group
So now you have the fame to play like an American group.
The Beatles was your idea that obviously succeeded
You would never become defeated.
With songs like "Love Me Do"
You didn't have to pay a copyright fee to.
Your new band consisted of yourself, George, Paul, and Ringo.
You and Paul made a good songwriting team.
In '64 you played for Ed Sullivan
And you became famous.
In '68 your group's best selling album was released
And in 1970 your famous group broke up and went solo.
None of them liked to play Polo.
In the next 10 years you released number one's
With "Imagine" and "Love" being among.
You and Yoko had a son named Sean
And had fun with him at dawn.
Little did you know the '70s would be your last years,
So you didn't have any fears.
1980 rolled around, you had 11 months left.
You released one more album,
And didn't release such demos as "Free As A Bird" or "Real Love"
But your group did 16 years later.
You were shot in the back and died on
December 08, 1980.
John Lennon, We all love you!