I do not know what to say or think on things currently. I do not know how to take my success I have been given. There are so many emotional thoughts going on through my brain. Growing up, I was never a part of anything. I was always bullied, and the last one chosen for anything. Lots of times I even sat out during PE class and read a book because of constant harassment. I was a very quiet, shy, and introverted person. And when people in high school would pick on me just for fun, I wouldn’t know it because of how bullied I was when I was younger. Yes, I felt like a total loser growing up. I didn’t even go to my own prom. I graduated high school in 1999 toward the bottom of my class, and then went straight to work after graduation. Working a dead end grocery store job that barely paid for anything, and then going on to a dead end night shift job at Walmart where it felt like the movie “Groundhog Day.” Other jobs I would have would have the same effect. I would go to work, and then come home, and the next day do it over again. Nothing very exciting. I was constantly depressed because I felt there was something more to life than just that. I had desires of running my own business and doing media work but didn’t see any way or chance how. I just felt lousy as a human being. I just felt like a lonely retail stocker that wasn’t important.
My life has been changing these past couple of years (especially this last year) and I just don’t know what to think about it or how to handle it. What my life is like now is not the Mike Irvan I know, and don’t get me wrong – I am 100% proud of myself for what I have accomplished in my life the last couple years. I just don’t know how to deal with it or take it. For the first time in my life I feel successful and for the first time in my life my dad told me he’s proud of me. My last semester at Northark College I made the Dean’s list, I took a test one of my teachers suggested I should take and ended up 2nd place in the state of Arkansas for that test, which allowed me to go to the National PBL Conference in Chicago this last week. I didn’t even go to any of the PBL meetings so didn’t consider myself a member, and I was shocked I got 2nd place in the state competition. I don’t win at anything. So I was able to go to a major competition event for the first time in my life, and felt like I was a part of something. I felt accepted as part of their team. It was an amazing experience. I even got a chance to go on the stage to sub for somebody else which was pretty cool, and I also got to finally go into the Sears tower, and walked onto the ledge – which was intense! It was amazing!
And on top of that, a couple of great people from church hired me to do video work for their production company. I am now accomplishing things I have always wanted to do, I just never saw how. I can’t even recognize this new Mike Irvan. I now feel like I’m apart of things that are important and not doing the same old depressing grind.
God got a hold of me a couple of years ago, and my life hasn’t been the same ever since. I just wish certain people I’m close to in my life who I love dearly would be proud of me for the accomplishments I’ve made in my life instead of just ignoring me because of other mistakes I make in my life.
“I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me.” – Philipians 4:13
“Life Moves Pretty Fast. If you don’t stop to look around for a while, you could miss it.” – Ferris Bueller
