AMERICA'S DRINK TRAVELS TO THE NET

Computers mean the Internet, the Internet means websites, and websites mean website reviews. What is a website, you ask? A website is a site on the Internet where you can get information, download things, chat, or play games. Companies own most websites. There are over a billion websites on the internet right now, but this month I'm going to review one website in particular, the Coca-Cola website.

The Coke website has been around for three years. On their site you can fill out a survey about how you felt about the site. One of the questions on the survey asks you if the site is on your top 10 list. My answer was yes. You can read Coke's stock updates, and Coke's mission statement, you can get gifts, send e-cards (Hallmark cards by e-mail), buy coke souvenirs from their nifty trading post. You can also download neat things like screen savers to use on your computer. This site also has links to Coca-Cola Japan, Coca-Cola France, and other Coca-Cola websites around the world.

Like I said, I added the website to my top 10 list. If you'd like to view the Coca-Cola website, just point your browser to "http://www.coca-cola.com."

HE HAS THE HEALING POWER

 

(This was an attempt at trying to write a Christian song)

(VERSE 1:)
I know a man
who could heal just about everybody!
He is my lord and my savior
when I was born!
When I was down
he picked me up.
When I was up
he took me higher!
When Satan came in,
he took him out!

(Chorus:)
He has the healing power!
He can heal each and every one of us
he has the healing power!
When I'm blind I can see!
He has the healing power!
When I'm deaf I can hear!
He has the healing power!
When I am weak I am strong!
He has the healing power,
and it's the same to you!

(VERSE 2:)
I know a man
who saved my life today!
Mother Mary named him Jesus
when he was born.
His dad was lord,
his dad is lord!
He healed the world!
He can heal the world!
When Satan came in,
he threw him out!

(Chorus)

(VERSE 1)

(Chorus)

Rejected

I'm ignored
I'm an outcast

How do you feel if you're always last?
How do you feel if all your peers pick on you?
How do you feel if the girls aren't interested in you?
How do you feel if your whole life was trash because of the assholes you dealt with in the past?

Me, I always feel rejected
And I hate it
Me, I always feel rejected
And I don't like it
Me, I always feel rejected
And it makes me feel worthless
Me, I always feel rejected
And it makes me feel like trash and scum
Me, I always feel rejected
And it makes me feel depressed!

I have to deal with assholes all the time, and I don't like it
A girl I like isn't interested in me, I hate to hear that it makes me feel worse
People I want to hang out with me don't want to, do I really want to hang out with them?
People are always throwing parties but never invite me, what's up with that?
I can't stand anybody, why should I, they can't stand me
I'm a member of the outcast, and why, because they made me be
Why can't they just leave me be and start to like me?

Why can't any girl ever be interested in me?
What is wrong with me?
Where did I go wrong in life?
Why can't anyone like me for who I am and not for what I got?
I mean, I'm not a trouble maker I'm a good guy
Why can't they ever see that?
I'm always rejected and I'm getting sick of it!

Me, I always feel rejected
And I hate it
Me, I always feel rejected
And I don't like it
Me, I always feel rejected
And it makes me feel worthless
Me, I always feel rejected
And it makes me feel like trash and scum
Me, I always feel rejected
And it makes me feel depressed!

I FEEL SO LONELY, I FEEL SO DEPRESSED

 

I feel so lonely!
I feel so depressed!
Nobody wants me around,
yes that's how I feel!
It f*****g sucks!
I feel so lonely!
I feel so depressed!
Got to get away from here!
I feel so damn ignored!
Nobody'd talk to me!
I feel so depressed!
I feel so lonely!
I feel so lonely!
I feel so depressed!
Got to get away from here!
I wish I were as free as a bird
because it's the next best
thing to be!
Whatever happened to the life
that I once knew?
I wish I could fly away!
Gotta get away from here!
Feel so lonely!
Feel so depressed!

JUST TO KEEP THE PEACE

 

There've been a lot of wars
that our country went to,
just to keep the peace!
A lot of people died in these wars
just to keep the peace!
Now I don't think there should be wars,
I think there should be treaties!
Because we need the peace!

(Chorus:)
Peace!
No need for wars
just to keep the peace!
Peace!
No need to fight
because we need the peace!
Peace!
Just to keep the peace!
Peace,
because we need the peace!

There's been a lot of guns
that have shot nice people!
So we need the peace!
A lot of nice people died from those guns!
We should keep the peace!
Now I don't think there should be guns!
I think there should be nice clubs
because we need the peace!

(Chorus)

(rap:)
Yo, man, I hope yoe listenin',
because peace,
you know we need it!
Not to go be a thief, but to be really
free,
'cuz you don't wanna
pay a fee to heaven
right about now,
unless you wanna give people frowns
and let 'em be down!
You should read "War And Peace"
'cuz it's not for my feet,
it's for you to read,
so we can be freed,
and that's my rap, and it ain't crap!
So peace,
I'm outta here!
Have a feast after you started peace!

(Chorus)

I’m A Gamblin’ Man

 

I like to play poker and
I like to play black jack and
I like to play roulette, man!
I'm a gamblin' man!
I like to play craps,
I like to bet on races,
I like to play 5 card stud, man!
I'm a gamblin' man!

(Bridge:)
I'm a gamblin' man
so I live in Las Vegas,
and Atlantic City!
I'm a gamblin' man,
so I gamble everyday!
I'm a gamblin' man,
so I gamble every night!

I live in Nevada and
I live in New Jersey and
I like to win money, man!
I'm a gamblin' man!
I like to lose cash,
I like to win more cash,
I like to play slot machines, man!
I'm a gamblin' man!

(Bridge)

Prostitutes (parody of “Waterfalls” by TLC)

 

(1)Your girlfriend's goin' out for the night
so you think it's fun to pick up on someone!
If at anytime you do this she'll be
leaving your side!
'Cuz you don't realize that it hurts her so much!
But all the yellin' just ain't helping at all!
'Cuz you can't seem to stop
pickin' up on someone
so you go out and find people on the street
to give money to the fastest way you know how!
Another person getting AIDS!

(Chorus:)Don't go chasing prostitutes!
Please stick to the girlfriends
that you're used to!
I know that you're gonna have it
your way or nothing at all,
but I know you'll get AIDS if you do!

(2)Hugh Grant has a natural obsession
for prostitutes but he just can't see!
That lady gave him lovin' that his body
could handle
but all he could say is, baby, there's a
cop out there!
And next thing he knows, he's put in jail!
Then he doesn't recognize what he did!!
His career is fading & he doesn't know why
11 letters gave him another film,
y'all don't hear me!

(Chorus)

(Spoken:)(M:)Hey, baby, how's it goin'?
(W:)Good.  I'm so horny for you!
(M:)I'm horny for you too!
(W:)Will you take me home with you?
(M:)Sure thing!  Get in my nice car!
(W:)That'll be $100 the 1st hour!
(M:)Fine with me!

(Chorus)

OLD FORD PINTO

 

(1)
I've got an Old Ford Pinto that's painted in gold.
I've got an Old Ford Pinto because I'm poor!
It's the crummiest car so it can't go far.

(Bridge1:)
I kicked it the other day and I have to say
"The bumper came off, yes it just popped off!
the bumper came off, yes it just popped off!
the bumper came off, yes it just fell off!"

(2)
I've got an Old Ford Pinto because it's all I could afford!
I've got an Old Ford Pinto because I'm poor!
It's the crappiest car, so it can't drive far!
I kicked it the other day
and I have to say,

(Bridge2:)
"The wheel came off, yes it was a bad deal!
The wheel came off, yes it just fell off!"

(3)
I trashed that Old Ford Pinto and I bought a Chevy S10,
and it runs pretty good, just look under the hood
if you could, but I think you should.
and I know you would.
That truck didn't cost a buck, in fact it cost 16000,
in fact it weighs 3 tons, man!
I kicked it the other day, and I have to say,
"Nothing came off!  Yes it's the best truck!
Nothing came off!  Yes it's a good truck!"
Ford Pinto's suck!  Yes they do!
You're a fool if you buy one!
I kicked it, oh yes it fell apart!
Oh yeah, I kicked it, it came apart!

(I LIVE IN A) 2 STORIED CARDBOARD BOX

(note: this is another joke I wrote)

 

One day I passed an old shack
with a sign in front of it saying
"Shack Records, record all you want for a buck."
So I decided to go on in
and try out my crappy sound.
So I went on in, put on the fallin' apart headphones
and I came up with this song.

(verse:)
All I could afford is a buck
so I can't even buy a duck
unless it's rubber!
I have a job on the street,
and my feet have no shoes!
Every time I'm finished on the
street, I go home to a

(chorus:)
2 story cardboard box!
Yes, I live in a 2 storied cardboard box!

(verse:)
It's wallpaper is toilet paper,
it's skylight is a little piece of glass,
it's front door is a door I ripped off that Ford Pinto
that rammed into my 2 story cardboard box
just the other day!

(Chorus)

(verse:)
I drive a store cart
with a cardboard sign on it that says,
"This is a Ferarri, don't touch it!"
Every day I drive it home
to my 2 story cardboard box!
(Chorus)

(verse:)
Now the 1st story is
when you're sitting down
the 2nd is when you're standing in my little
2 story cardboard box
decorated in toilet paper
with the store cart parked in the
collapsable garage, to drive later,
oh yes!

(Chorus)

So don't feel sorry for me
let me do it myself!

(Chorus)

(A DAY IN THE LIFE) OF A PICKED ON KID

 

(note: this is another joke I wrote.  I wrote it during my days I used to work at Harp’s)

At 6 my clock goes off!
I wake up, take a bath, get dressed
and nothing else!
I sit around staring out the window
for the next hour!
I'd then walk to school with 5 bags!
1 named George, 'nother named Bob, 3rd named Fred, 4th named Billy, 5th named Drop Dead Fred!
I got to school!
I hear people laughing at me behind my back!
I don't care!
I'm such a dwork,
People pick on me!
At 6 I go to work,
you know who I am, who are you?
I'm a courtesy clerk, you know that!
So you purposely make a mess & I'd have to clean it!
I'm busy dang it!
I'm tryin' to stock bread
leave me alone!
You just take all the carts to make me mad
now I'll have to bust you!
No punks allowed in this store!
you piss all over both the bathrooms, so guess what I do now?
I have to clean the bathrooms!
QUIT PICKING ON ME!
I suck at everything
YOU HATE ME!
I make you mad purposely because
YOU CAN'T STAND ME!
I'm movin' to a different town man,
BECAUSE YOU CAN'T STAND ME!

NEWSPAPER DELIVERY BOY

 

Woke up in the mornin' at 3, sayin' to myself
I'm ready to get a beating again!
5 days a week, Why me?
I get beat up too bad!
why me?
I just deliver your stinking paper!
Throw rocks at me, shoot your slingshot at me!
Dennis, leave me alone!  Haven't you hurt me enough?
I just deliver your stinkin' paper!
I throw the paper at your face!
Oops, sorry!  Supposed to hit your step, Sir!
You get all red eyed!
Uh-Oh!
Mr. Wilson, I didn't mean to!
Sorry, apology accepted kid!
Have a heart for me,
I'm just a money earnin', losin', can't readin', writin', stinkin' newspaper delivery boy!
I had to deliver one to this house in Chicago!
Watch out, it's booby trapped!
Oh crap!
Kevin's at it again!
No one cares for the paperboy
why should they?
What's the paper say today, Fred?
It says Fred's dead!
How's that?  Fred's me!
Watch out, Fred!
Oh no!  Kevin and Dennis are behind me!
Hahahaha!  He's just a poor paperboy!
Let's give him a beating, a weggie, let's
take all his money, and scram, and his newspapers too and his Mace!
Boy, you're a stupid newspaper delivery boy!
in the news today, Fred the paperboy gets beat down by Kevin McCalister, Dennis the Menace, OJ Simpson, Michael Jackson, and my A.K!
Oh my god, Fred's dead!
Yeah!  And I'm takin' over as the
paperboy for your route!  My name's George!
If you mess with me I'll use my series 4-D Atomizer
like my friend Will did as an MIB!
Oops, nobody's supposed to know!
I'm just a stupid paperboy!
In the news today, George on route 69
was abducted by bug like aliens from the
planet "goatadamzipaleedoodahzipadeeayoolalaee!" We now bring you back to our
regularly scheduled program!