WEEKLY WORLD NEWS

 

(1)It says Elvis is alive
when he died in 1977!
It says a body that died
with the titanic was found
the way she was when she died!
It says an alien corpse
was found by some astronauts!
It says the world will
be destroyed in 1998!
Yeah right!

(Chorus:)It's the weekly world news!
What a bunch of shit!
It's the weekly world news!
What a bunch of shit!
It's the weekly world news!
What a bunch of shit!

(2)JFK was found alive!
Yeah right!
Nicole's grave is empty!
Yeah right!
Woman gives birth to 50 kids at once!
Yeah right!
Satan seen in clouds!
Yeah right!

(Chorus)

(3)Who believes this shit?
Not me!
Who believes this shit?
the people who don't laugh!
Who believes this shit?
The person reading this!
Who believes this shit?
The person listening to this song!
Who believes this shit?
Obviously you!
Who believes this shit?
Whoever pays for this shit!
Who believes this shit?
I don't give a fuck!
Who believes this shit?
You do, you do, you do, you do, you do,
you do, you do, you do, you do, you do!
Who believes this shit?
Not me, not me, not me, not me, not me,
not me, not me, not me, not me, not me!

(Chorus)

What a bunch of shitty ass,
mother fuckin', sons of bitchin',
cock suckin', god-damnin', goin' to
hellin', fuckin' pussy assin', shit!

THE BALLAD OF JOHN DOE

 

(Chorus:)
Who the hell is he?
Who the hell knows who he is?
Who the hell gives a damn?
Who the hell gives a damn?
Who the hell gives a fuck?
Who the the hell cares?

(Verse 1:)
He committed a crime,
Nobody knows his name,
All we know is his face
So all of us calls him
John Doe!

(Chorus)

(Verse 2:)
He's ommitted from land,
Nobody knows his name,
All we know is his life
So we all would call him
John Doe!

(Chorus 2x)

The Gump Song

(note: this one I wrote after hearing Weird Al’s parody of a song called “LUMP.”  He called it “GUMP” making fun of the movie character Forrest Gump.)

Mama always said, "Life is like a box of chocolates,
you never know what you're gonna get!"

I know a guy, his name is Forrest!
He would sit on a bench waiting for the bus
telling his life story,
and he would always say, "My name's Forrest, Forrest Gump!"
And kids would always throw rocks at him 'cause of that!
That's all I have to say about that!

There's a guy I know who says he created
Elvis Presley's "Hound Dog" dance,
but that's hard to believe because Forrest never existed!
That's all I have to say about that!

There's a guy I know who met three presidents!
First one he said he really got to pee,
second one he showed his buttocks,
the third one put him in Watergate and it got robbed!
That's all I have to say about that!

I know a guy whose friends' names were
Dan "No Legs,"
Bubba "Shrimp Possessed,"
Jen, a hippy, kind of got stoned!
That's all I have to say about that!

His wife Jen dies,
and his shrimpin' business goes down,
but that's another story
and that's all I have to say about that!
A stupid is, a stupid does, Sir!

‘Still We Rise' assembly held today

Today's assembly held at 8:20a.m and 9:30a.m was the final activity in recognition of Black History Month. In this assembly there were expected to be Three guest speakers: Fred Kirkwood, vice president of marketing with Arkansas-Oklahoma Gas; Mike Conley, Olympic gold medalist in triple jump from the UofA; and Marcus Webster, who designed the t-shirts which are being worn today. Mrs. Rhonda Grey, who is a former English teacher at Northside, was the MC.

Included on the program were Northside students singing some contemporary gospel, some Negro spiritual music, and an R. Kelly number, "I Believe I Can Fly.” Also planned were dancing, poetry, and a performance by a rap group from U of A called Impact.

The theme for the assembly and for Black History Month this year is "Still We Rise" which is taken from Maya Angelou's poem of the same name.

Just Imagine

I could just imagine
what the world would be like
if it was all full of peace!
John Lennon wanted it that way!
Just imagine!
Peace all over the earth,
nobody'd be miserable like myself!
Just imagine a peaceful world!
Peace not war!
Just peace, love, and understanding!
Just imagine!
I wish someone would love me!
Just imagine!

DOPER'S PARADISE

(Parody of "Gangsta's Paradise" by Coolio)

VERSE:
As I walk through the ghetto where I smoke
my weed, I took a look at my day & realize
I’m so un-motivated!  & I've been sniffin' & injectin'
so long that even my niggas think that my mind
is gone!  But I ain't never passed a popo that
could understand me!  Maybe busted punk, you
know that's unheard of!  I better watch
how much tokin' & where I'm smokin' or me &
my holmies may be sent to da pen!  I really
like to get high so I go smoke!  As I
do I see myself doin’ nuttin, fool!  I'm
the kinda tweeker the little druggies wanna be!
Like on my bed in the night injectin' drugs in
the street light!

CHORUS:
Been smokin' all my dope in a doper's paradise!
Been smokin' too much crack in a doper's paradise!
Been droppin' all my acid in a doper's paradise!
Been poppin' all dem pills in a doper's paradise!

VERSE:
Look at all da weed I got from drug deals!
I could live a stoner's life!!  I was raised by
the stoners so I gotta smoke joints with
the stoned team!  Too much LSD!  Watch me, got
me chasin' nothing!  I'm a stoned out fool with
the drugs on my mind!  Got the blunt in my
hand & put it in my mouth!  I'm a high up
stoner trippin on acid & my buddies are stoned
so don't arrest my friends too, popos!  Get
stoned, nothin' but a dope beat away!  I'm
livin' life through a joint what can I say?
I'm 69 now, but will I live to see a 187?  How
much that I smoke I don't know!

BRIDGE:
Tell me why are we so stoned to see that
the joints we smoke are really acid?

CHORUS

VERSE:
Rob people for money, money to the dealer,
joint after joint, acid after acid, so I'm always
stoned high so I can see what's goin' on in this
world!  But I know I'm trippin'!  They say I
gotta quit, but why should I?  If they want
me to quit they'll never reach me!  I just
smoked dope, I just took acit, I just got
stoned that's why I know my life is real
luck, fool!

CHORUS

BRIDGE TWICE

THE BALLAD OF THE TEACHER IN ROOM 204

(this one is just a little joke I wrote back in 1996 about a teacher I had in the 9^th grade. He was a really weird person. He was cool though. Wish I could remember his name)

I know a teacher who's such a dork!

He teaches in 204!

I know a teacher who's such a queer!

He teaches in 204!

I know a teacher who sees pink bunnies 6 feet tall

and 3 inch leprechauns!

He teaches in 204!

I know a teacher who's so sarcastic!

He teaches in 204!

I know a teacher that doesn't teach!

He teaches in 204!

I know a teacher that I hate!

He teaches in 204!

I know a teacher that shall die!

I can find him in room 204!

COLORS

(note: this one was written in art class one year)

The sky is blue, I am blue,

the world is blue,

but what if the world was black?

Or black and white?

Or just plain red?

Or red or brown?

To some people that's how it is.

To the people who take the

so called "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds."

The school is red bricked and why, I don't know!

If you wear black 24 hours a day, 7 days a week,

365 days a year what does it mean?

Black and white

red and brown

blue and yellow

black and brown

oh how the world would look like

to people high off of

"Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds!"

Hoop (The Suns Rule)

(Parody of "Whoomp there it is" by Tag Team)

All you fans!

Hoop, the Suns rule!
Hit me!
Hoop, the Suns rule!

Mike Irvan, back again, come on let's check the ball in!
Party on Barkeley people, let's hear some noise!
Mike in the house, just slam for joy
Says a dunk over here,
A dunk over there, wave the ball in the air!
Shake your dreary air!
These 3 words when you're goin' to slam,
Hoop, the Suns rule!
Hit me!

Hoop the Suns rule, Hoop the Suns rule,
Hoop the Suns rule, Hoop the Suns rule,
Hoop the Suns rule, Hoop the Suns rule,
Hoop the Suns rule, Hoop the Suns rule!

Upside down and inside out
let the gorilla show you folks what it's all about!
Now it's time for me to get on the ball
and make this slammin' party hot!
I'm takin' the ball to the old school
because I'm an old fool who's so cool!
If you wanna go slam let me show you the way,
Hoop the Suns rule!
Let me hear you say!

Hoop the Suns rule, come on y'all!
Hoop the Suns rule, a little louder!
Hoop the Suns rule, come on y'all!
Hoop the Suns rule, a little louder!
Hoop the Suns rule, come on y'all!
Hoop the Suns rule, a little louder!
Hoop the Suns rule, come on y'all!
Hoop the Suns rule, a little louder!

Slam dunkin', slam dunkin', slam dunkin', slam!
Slam dunkin', slam dunkin', slam dunkin', slam!
Slam dunkin', slam dunkin', slam dunkin', slam!
Slam dunkin', slam dunkin', slam dunkin', slam!
Slam dunkin', slam dunkin', slam dunkin', slam!

Ceballos went blank,
Barkley juice I'm drinkin',
KJ thin & fit & puffin' dent!
drop the ball, uh oh no slam,
find the thunder let's dip it in!
Slam dunkin', flickin' & flippin'
& ride that
G.O.R.I double L.A
Whoo, he slams!
Come on, come on!
Hoop the Suns rule!
I'm dyin'!

Hoop the Suns rule, come on!
Hoop the Suns rule, louder!
Hoop the Suns rule, give it to me!
Hoop the Suns rule, come on come on!
Hoop the Suns rule, louder!
Hoop the Suns rule, there yet?
Hoop the Suns rule, come on come on!
Hoop the Suns rule, heeeeee-eee-heeeeee-hoo!

Some say I'll fall because I'm slammin' the ball
to the underground net that you have meant
to be amazing, outstanding, demanding, commanding,
you people dancing, whoa-shoo-whoo, that's
a breathtaker!
Our producer Paul Westphal, the undertaker!
You oughtta come down to the undernet!
Ol' school!
Here's the ball, can you slam it, fool?

Can you slam it?  We can slam it!
Can y'all slam it?  We can slam it!
Can you slam it?  We can slam it!
Can y'all slam it?  We can slam it!
Can you slam it?  We can slam it!
Can y'all slam it?  We can slam it!
Can you slam it?  We can slam it!

Double G.O. Double R. all fears!
I flew the A.W flight from the city of all Suns!
I flew to the Bulls Colliseum, run through the
colliseum with one free ball check where we won
it still,
that's thrill of the team I just killed!
Barkeley people just party now, Mike is
through!
Hoop the Suns rule,
I thought you knew!

Hoop the Suns rule, Hoop the Suns rule!
Hoop the Suns rule, Hoop the Suns rule!
Hoop the Suns rule, Hoop the Suns rule!
Hoop the Suns rule, Hoop the Suns rule!
Yeahhh!

Mike music, comin' straight at ya!
That's me, MJ the dunkin' supreme,
& my man still slammin'!
Bring it back y'all, bring it back y'all,
bring it back, here we go!

Hoop the Suns rule, Hoop the Suns rule!
Hoop the Suns rule, Hoop the Suns rule!
Hoop the Suns rule, Hoop the Suns rule!
Hoop the Suns rule, Hoop the Suns rule!
Hoop the Suns rule, Hoop the Suns rule!
Hoop the Suns rule, Hoop the Suns rule!
Hoop the Suns rule, Hoop the Suns rule!
Hoop the Suns rule, Hoop the Suns rule!
Hoop the Suns rule, Hoop the Suns rule!