Other Fish In The Sea

They say that there are other fish in the sea, yet for some (such as myself) that isn't entirely accurate.  I mean, there is - but it's just a matter of finding the right girl you want to be with and getting up the courage to ask her out.  I know what you're thinking "Gee, I could get any girl in the world." - but the thing is, not everyone can.  I'm a loner.  Rejection is my biggest fear and my biggest weakness.  It goes back to how I was treated while growing up and how I wasn't really accepted, and I still, to this day, don't feel truly accepted.  I know not every one will like you or respect you, and I don't expect to be accepted by everyone, but when you go every day getting laughed at because of your flaws - whether it's how you laugh or how you dress, or something else what's a person to think?

There was a girl in high school I liked, but I never took the chance to ask her out because I was afraid she would say no.  Because of my fear and weakness the internet became a powerful tool for me because you can talk to people online and they won't gain "don't like you" attitude towards you right away because they can't "see" you or "hear" you than, they just go by the words you say to decide if they like you or not.  but in the real world it's all about how you sound and look, and if you're not appeasing to them, they won't like you.  if it weren't for the internet, me and my soon-to-be ex-wife would never have even met, and after 5 years of being together she wants to call it quits.  well, she knew about my problems and me being a loner when she came into the marriage - so what was she expecting?  it's a shame really.  It's a shame that someone who claims they love you and made a promise to be by your side no matter what when they get married can claim that they have fallen out of love with that somebody.   She now says "she loves me, and will always love me but isn't in love with me and there's a difference."  The way I look at it, if you're not in love with me anymore than you don't even love me anymore.  I'm not going to tell my friends I love them.  That creates such an awkward moment.  I'll tell my parents I love them though, but other than that if I'm not in love with you, why would I tell you I love you? I got my problems.  We all have problems, we're only human.  I tend to have more problems than others it seems like, though. 

Yes, there are other fish in the sea but it's just a matter of meeting the right one and getting up the courage to ask them out, but knowing my luck that isn't going to happen.